Mommy Diary

Aimless Wanderings

2009-12-09T01:06:00.001+08:00

I am not ashamed to admit that I spent many years of my life in an endless aimless wanderings and yes, to this moment I am still on board that ship that carries me to nowhere.

Let me show you how directionless my life is. Take note, I am only talking about its career aspect.

During my grade and high school years, I always answered "to be an engineer" every time I was asked what I wanted to become. After high school graduation, I couldn't decide anymore what to take up in college. Upon my mom's persuasion, I took up teaching. I majored in a subject I was better at, English. While on my second year, I wanted to shift majors. I preferred to have majored in Science but since I don't want to be left behind by my friends, I decided to stick to the original plan. It turned out I didn't want to teach English and I didn't want to teach at all. I ended up a banker. I thought I'd be a banker forever.

Instead after five years in the bank, I resigned and ventured into a business which turned out to be the worst decision I've ever made. When I went back into the workforce, any position except banking was all I wanted. I got into a secretarial work then eventually into human resources. Another uneventful employment. We moved to Manila, got into a human resources job again. I loved it. I wanted to stay with that kind of job but the job didn't like me. When my employment contract ended, I got into a call center. When you're in a big city like Manila where competition is very tough, anything that pays well, regardless of position is all worth it. I never got a chance to be promoted although it wasn't unlikely because after two years, I decided to leave the workforce to pursue what I dreamed of becoming... a housewife and stay-at-home-mom.

To be honest with you this is the best position I have ever held. I would not want to relinquish my throne. I am enjoying the freedom it gives me. I can work at home if I choose to. I did for over a year. I baked for profit, it was so much fun. However, since we have to move to Singapore and eventually to Dipolog, I left the industry.

Now, faced with a little uncertainty, I wanted to earn back an income I've lost. I am back to my aimless wanderings but this time with only a few choices, employment not one of them. I will be working from home but I am torn between taking a guaranteed paid job or do what I wish to do with no guarantee of payment.

I am back on the boat again and starting on a journey to nowhere while savoring every moment of the now here. I don't regret not having used my degree to serve its purpose. Much of my friends would say it's "sayang" (a waste) that I graduated with honors and haven't benefited from it. No regrets. I don't envy colleagues who now hold higher positions in the industry. Despite the lack of career stature, I love where I am at the moment. I am not rich, I don't have material possessions but I have freedom and I am happy. A little confused but definitely HAPPY.

Drowning

2009-12-09T00:17:00.000+08:00

The past days I had scary dreams seeing my little boy in the water in what seemed like a drowning scene but is actually not. It's either he comes out of the water just fine or he just manages to swim. I don't feel good with dreams like this and try to be cautious and watchful with his health as in the past similar dreams were consequently followed by sickness and my fears were given justice, he got cough and colds today.

Weeks before I gave birth to Joseph, I had several dreams about drowning. Jehu drowning, Joshua drowning. Pretty scary. Joseph struggled for his life when he came out of this world.

Just before he was a year old, I got the same bouts of dreams. Weeks later, he got very ill with asthma. This is why drowning dreams scares me a lot. However, it gives me a heads up.

Ego

2009-12-02T16:26:00.000+08:00

.... is hurt, that it did not get what it wants
.... but presence overcomes it and ego did not survive what it perceived as an attack
.... ego wants to fight back but with awareness it's defeated, for now
.... and so the process continues until what's left is being

2009-12-02T12:16:00.000+08:00

my weird dreams are coming back, it's been a long time since i haven't had one and when i woke up this morning i was damned too tired, body aching so badly, got so stressed out from days of unending time on the road. anyhow, i got the much deserved massage today and felt relieved

Flying Session

2009-09-11T14:20:00.002+08:00

Sleeping from 6-10AM isn't oversleeping, I'd like to justify. I was just trying to catch up some sleep while the kids were expected to wake up late and I wasn't regretful at all. Nope, especially when during those three hours all I did was flyyyyyy! It's been ages since I last dreamed of flying and boy, I was so happy hahaha. I felt like a kid again.

A FAT KID!

A Visit from Grandpa

2009-09-05T17:38:00.002+08:00

We were sitting in a place that looked like a park. There was Lola Luz and some other family members when suddenly Daddy Toting seated on the other edge of the bench I was sitting on. He put up his feet on the bench and smiled. I told him it's been quite a while since he came to show up. I asked anyone around if they saw him. Nobody except Jon, my nephew, saw Lolo Toting and Jon was quite scared to even look at him.

He looked the same since the last time I saw him alive, more than 10 years ago. He hasn't showed up in my dreams as he used to for the longest time now, probably more than 3 years already. In my dreams he was asking Arnold, my brother in law, the status of their PR (Permanent Residence) application. Then Jehu woke me up. "Hay distorbo mo, di pa kami tapos mag-usap ng lolo ko".

Lolo Toting came to me last night to remind me of two things:

September 16 - our schedule for submission of PR application
September 17 - his death anniversary

Crazy? Of course not, I was very used to having departed loved ones visit me in my dreams to remind me of their birthdays and death anniversaries.

Chippendales Dance

2009-08-26T22:04:00.002+08:00

Sorry, I just can't help it, I'm having so much fun with this...

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JOWLS: Starring Jehu, Josh & Joseph

2009-08-26T21:38:00.003+08:00

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What's Your Discipline Gadget?

2009-08-21T15:26:00.007+08:00

Am I a bad momma if I induce corporal punishment on my kids at times? Would you do it to your kids and do you believe that corporal punishment is sometimes necessary to instill discipline in your children?

My hubby and I are guilty as charge as being lenient parents probably giving our kids too much freedom of expression at home. I consider them lucky. I grew up with a firewood or belt on my butt and mongo seeds or salt on my knees all the time. I shudder at the thought but I never hated my mom for doing such. However, I never want my kids to experience the same.

But I do I have this at home.

Small canes like this are sold
in stores here in Singapore

We bought it for the sake of fun but had never used it on my boys. I never needed it.

This is enough.

And I could use this if I want to, but I don't.

Yes, I do give my two boys a whip when needed but this is the form of discipline that is sparingly used at home. It is extreme measure for us and a whip or two is already enough. I am proud to say that my kids are not rowdy. They are just kids. Makulit, malikot minsan, maingay, makalat but that's what kids are.

Cane Stroke: Would you want it in the Philippines?

2009-08-21T13:53:00.010+08:00

For quite sometime now I have been intrigued how the caning punishment in countries like Malaysia and Singapore feels like and thought it's funny as a form of punishment. However, a news struck me again today about a Malaysian model who will be sentenced to 6 strokes of caning for drinking beer. I saw the video below months back while searching about this punishment but never thought that judicial caning is worst than I imagined.

Until today I finally did some digging in the net to find out just how painful is a cane stroke and why it looks like it's being dreaded as a form of punishment. The fact that it is the second highest form of punishment next to death sentence in Malaysia shows just how horrible it could be.

Caning officials wear protective smocks, gloves, and goggles in order to avoid contact with blood and flesh.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Then I thought.... could this be effective if implemented in the Philippines against law offenders? No, not for the hardcore criminals like rapists and murderers.. come on, it would not have effect on them, don't you think? I think mas bagay eto sa mga snatchers, holdapers at mga magnanakaw na kapitbahay.They're the type of offenders who are most of the times just released back to the streets after a very short period only to commit the same crime and caught over and over again. Now think.... if they will be caned before they are released to the society again most likely they'd dread the pains of being caught. Hindi man sila mabugbog ng taong bayan, wasak naman pwet nila sa 'kin pwede na yon.

So what dya think?

I Attended Neale Donald Walsch's Talk

2009-08-15T17:24:00.003+08:00

As soon as I heard the voice I recognized it and run outside to join the crowd listening to him. I haven't heard Neale Donald Walsch's speech but last night it was as if I have heard his voice all my life that I didn't have a hard time recognizing it was him speaking. I didn't understand what he was speaking about. I couldn't remember a thing. All I could remember was I went there to get his autograph. Yaiks! Of all the things to do!

But it's amazing, I met Manols there, the man responsible for introducing Walsch writings to me. And boy, I knew I wasn't just in my dreams. I was there somewhere in the past or the future. I don't need to convince you. I don't even need to convince myself.

Will Read 'The Power of Now' Tomorrow

2009-08-15T16:36:00.005+08:00

Title -> pun intended

I've finally gotten hold of the book after months of waiting. No, not waiting for copies to be available. Waiting for myself to finally pick up the book and pay it. I've picked it up many times but wouldn't want to buy it because I know in the Philippines this cost cheaper. Hay, umiiral ang ka cory.
I picked it up once in Kinokuniya but did not pay it because it costs over 20 bucks. I thought I would just buy it at San Bookstore in LotOne, a mall in Choa Chu Kang because I saw it costs only $11.00+. That's half the price. So one day, not so long ago (about a three weeks), I finally decided to buy it, picked it up, handed the cashier $12.00 only to be told it costs $23.50. The $11.50 on the pricetag is the rebate if I opt to return the book after one month. Rent, in short. Oh gosh, I thought that was it. I only got $15 bucks in my wallet so there was no way I could buy it.

Just the other day, I finally bought it. Bought. I don't have intentions of returning it. I am keeping it. I don't need reviews or endorsements for me to be convinced about the authenticity of the book nor the author. I have gone through Books 1-3 of Conversations with God so absorbing and remembering my truths with this book would be a breeze.

I am not making a book review here. I am not good at it. I will just say that it is worth reading if you have an open mind. Read for yourself and find out your truth.

For now, I am still at the first chapters. Great, I am reading The Power of Now tomorrow. I still have other things to finish for now.

My 18-55mm is Back, thanks David (Fatigue)

2009-08-14T12:22:00.005+08:00

Just after a day after sending it to David, (Fatigue, the repairman) he texted me saying that the lens was fixed even though he mentioned repair would take a week. Great job David, highly recommended for those in Singapore who needs repair for their lenses. Much more the charge was very minimal.

Thanks again, David!

PS: If you need David's number, leave me a comment.

Retire Nikkor 15-55mm

2009-08-10T19:50:00.004+08:00

August 02, 2009 - An unfateful Sunday afternoon at Choa Chu Kang Park. I just turned my back for a few seconds to kill the mosquito on my son's forehead and a toddler toppled the tripod I had mounted which sent my Nikon down with a bang. Who can afford to get mad at a kid just as old as my little lovely boy? All I could say was "oh, okay, no problem". The truth is.. big problem.

My 15-55mm lens jammed because of the fall and now I am left with 50-200mm. Imagine how difficult it is to take a close up shot of kids at play with a long lens. And imagine taking macro with it.

I have to take it to the repairman tomorrow who happens to be a Filipino also. I am pretty positive he can still fix it. Better than buying a new lens for over 200bucks.

This is all I could live with for now until I can get my hand on a Tamron 18-270mm, whotwhoo!

I've Conquered Video Games

2009-08-08T10:54:00.001+08:00

A major breakthrough I have done very lately is conquering the world of video games.

Six years ago, Joshua at the age of 3 was first exposed to the world of video games when one night his dad installed Warcraft in our computer (without my permission!). At four he was already playing R-18 video games in the computer. Call of Duty, Medal of Honor, name it, he's probably played it. Although, he also had educational games like Jumpstart, his preference was on the excitement provided by the violent games.

And maybe you would ask why I allowed it? Because I played them too. Dad oftentimes played with Josh and it seemed like everyone's enjoying, so who would resist. It didn't bother me then as Josh was doing well in school, really doing well to make it to the honors list.

But things started to change when his dad was assigned an overseas work and has gotten the money and opportunity to buy our first game console - The XBOX 360. Don't get it wrong, I objected to the idea of buying any game console but heck, what can I do when he just came home with the console already in his luggage.

However, it didn't end there. Next came PS2, soon there's Sony PSP and Nintendo DS Lite.

As most video games does, Josh got hooked with video games buying cd's after cd's. Back in the Philippines it is very easy to get addicted to video games as there are thousands of PIRATED games sold anywhere at just 5-10% the price of original video games, how convenient! Imagine buying a pirated version of Gears of War for just P150.00 (US$3.00) than buying the original CD for almost a hundred bucks and still get the same fun.

Looking back, I regretted every moment that I wasn't able to take control of my son's playing habit. A busy schedule sometimes necessitates parents to let their kids play video games to keep them busy too and avoid interfering with the parents busy schedule. In short, letting the video games or tv do the baby sitting. How bad of me! This has taken a toll on Joshua's studies. He was playing more than he was studying and his attention span affected.

But one day, the breakthrough happened. Our moved to Singapore provided me the big opportunity to finally put almost everything behind, literally. The Xbox which was due for repair was left in Manila while the PS2 went to the custody of my nephew.

Yes, I am proud to say that Jehu and my son Josh has finally accepted the reality (with a heavy heart) that there will be NO MORE game console in our living room and yesterday while we were at the mall, they tried to sweet talk me to allow them to have even just a Wii. NO, NO, NO! My answer is final and I'm not going to give in.

Since we had given up those addictions, Josh is into drawing again. Now, he's into animation. I wouldn't mind. Just no violent and addicting games.

I'm Starting a Clutter Free Life

2009-08-03T00:55:00.009+08:00

If you have known me well enough from childhood, you will know that once in my life, I had lived in a trash can. From time to time, I still do. Like Oscar the Grouch, there are some trash in life that I just can't live without. However, that has started to change in the past four years or so. I had started a to live a clutter free life - at least physically.

I grew up secretly envious of some friends' houses which are small yet so clean and tidy. Perhaps my parents don't even know about this. We had a big house back in the province but there was something in it that I just didn't understand. We couldn't keep it organize and clean all the time. One factor was the location of our house. It was right along the highway and our roads were not even asphalted until about 15 years after? It was very dusty all the time. But it wasn't what makes it chaotic to my eyes. It's the clutter.

Anyway, I grew up, eventually lived in the city, got married and had a kid. The nightmare seems to have followed me even to my adulthood although things have dramatically improved. We no longer live along a dusty highway and our house is already clean. Yes clean.. but not clutter free.

Perhaps you are trying to figure out just how cluttered it is. I am not talking about crampled papers or dirty laundry scattered all throughout the house. I am referring to the things in our home that we don't actually need: broken toys, outgrown clothing, plastic spoons collected from Jollibee and Mcdonalds, paper napkins from the coffee shop, scratched CD, name it! I even had folded Chippy and Mr. Chips plastics in my drawer!

See, these are the clutters I am referring to. I had a hard time outgrowing them.

Mysteriously (I'd say mysteriously because I can't recall how the change started), things had changed dramatically. Oh, I recall, it started when some emotional baggage were put down and blessings started to came in and we could afford to buy the things that we really needed (and wanted). I started to unpack the house and gave out all the still useful stuff to our yayas and neighbors. I started to simplify things. I loved it and keep it that way every now and then.

I realized that the reason of all the clutter in our house (including our old, old house) is 'LETTING GO'. I simply couldn't let go of most things in life. I held on to my old clothes in the hope that it will still fit me after a few months but ended up giving them away after two years. I held on to that broken phone in the hope that I could still have it fixed. I hold on to the old magazines thinking I will still need them in the future for reference or for my son's school project. I hold on to small gadget boxes expecting to use it as a box for Christmas gifts. Oh, dear!

After such realization, I make it a point to clear out our home from stuff we don't need and either give them out or auction them at super low, low prices. I once donated a bagful to Gawad Kalinga, thanks to Len! I gave out used school bags and school shoes to my son's friends who can hardly afford it. Those that are useless, I threw them away and give the benefit to our "basureros". They resell boxes, busted appliances and plastics to the junkshop.

Goody, it made my life better. It made cleaning easier. It brings in more blessings, I swear!

Then, just when I thought I have more or less a near clutter free life (although I still slip at times), I just got across this awesome ZENHABITS website (just an hour ago) and the first thing that struck me is the article about EMAIL ZEN: Clear up your Inbox.

Whew! I got so ashamed of myself. I thought I have done so much. Go read the article and clean up your Inbox. I just did! I deleted every folder I have without even taking a peek at what's inside. I deleted everything in my Inbox without second thoughts and promised myself I will never regret it. The next thing I'll do is delete all my other email addresses. It wasn't mentioned in that article but I'm going to do it next. See, I wouldn't want to delete them because I can't let go of them.

It is just one article I have read and it had slapped me in right on my face. I am expecting more slappings as I will start to dig in what's more to do to make my life clutter free.

Would you come and join me?

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

2009-07-24T14:25:00.003+08:00

Aside from my sleep debt problem, another major medical issue I have had longer than I could remember is my CTS or Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

CTS is condition wherein the median nerve which runs from the forearm to the hand is compressed at the wrist. The carpal tunnel is the passageway where this median nerve runs through. An irritation of the ligaments, tendons or bones at the carpal tunnel squeezes the median nerve which causes numbness, tingling sensation and in extreme cases, pain.

In 2001, five years after working in a bank and just barely two years after I gave birth to Joshua, now 10, I started to feel what I would describe in the Filipino lingo, "PASMO or PASMA". My fingers started to get numb and got worsed overtime. The numbness would extend to the forearm and my upper back. One night I woke up and couldn't feel anything on my right hand. I couldn't lift it and I thought I got paralyzed. I shouted to my sister for help and had cried hard because aside from the pain I felt, I had no idea what was happening then.

I consulted a doctor who diagnosed me of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I had undergone an electrodiagnostic test also which showed the CTS more prominent on the right hand but also present on the left.

I couldn't remember the number of times my mom scolded and blamed me for this condition. She said it was because I never listened to her when she warned me during my youth, not to overwork my hand.

"Pasma", a distinct Filipino illness marked by numbness, pain and tremors of the hands is so similar to CTS that I think people who have "pasma" may have CTS in reality and just don't realize it.

Treatments suggested for CTS include physical therapy and neuro-surgery, both I don't want to undertake because of the cost. In the surgery procedure, the transverse carpal ligament as shown in the picture below is cut to widen the passage and release the tension.

Recently, after moving to Singapore, my CTS had worsened. I inquired about the cost of surgery to check if there is a way I can afford it. One clinic responded that a micro-surgery which is more effective costs $4,500.00 or P145,000.00. My gosh, I could get about 500 hand massage and paraffin treatment with that amount. Worst, many articles over the net doesn't suggest surgery because there is no guarantee that CTS will not recur.

For now, my only option is to keep my hands rested (not possible, I know) and get regular hand massage (not very possible also).

Wait a minute, I gotta shake my hands, I have been on the computer for over three hours already.

Slept Debt Accumulating Fast!

2009-07-24T11:27:00.005+08:00

Conservatively, since 2004 to date, I have accumulated no less than 3,600 hours of sleep debt already. And that's just computed based on 2 hours lack of sleep each night. A very conservative computation indeed as most nights I would sleep only for 4-6 hours.

This started when I worked in a call center on graveyard shift straight for the two years. Since then, my body clock seems to have been altered extensively that even if I got nothing to do anymore, my mind would keep me awake.

Surveys show that sleep deprivation has become increasingly common and affecting millions of people especially those from the more developed countries. Sleep debt is the difference in the number of hours one should be sleeping versus the number of hours one actually slept and the more you accumulate sleep debt, medical research said, the more you are prone to chronic diseases such as hypertension, heart disease, arthritis, or obesity.

Ouch, did I just say obesity? Yes, obesity is one of the long term effects of chronic deprivation. Ouch again, I am afraid I am a likely candidate. I haven’t been able to keep my weight down after I gave birth to my first child. Although, I never really exceed the pass mark of obesity, I am already overweight. Well, at least not yet obese. Just overweight, I repeat.

Just like any other debt, sleep debt can be paid. Taking a marathon sleep on weekends isn’t a better way to do it. Sleep doctors suggest that it is best repaid by taking in an extra hour or two each night. Go to bed when you are sleepy and tired and just allow your body to wake you up in the morning.

This may sound a little impossible for me to do. Whether I like it or not, I have to get up at 5AM to prepare breakfast for our bread winner. The only way for me to catch up some sleep is in the afternoon when I put my little boy to sleep. With an hour or two in the afternoon, I am not even sure if I can repay all that I owed my body for the past 5 years.

But still I won’t promise to go to bed early at night and sleep for eight hours. I don’t know, I just feel that sleep is a waste of time. Stubborn me!

Unionbank of the Philippines Scam

2009-07-21T06:45:00.013+08:00

I got an email today supposedly from UnionBank customer service warning me of a recent activity in my account and prompting me to update my account. The email look very legitimate with a "from" address as customer.service@unionbankph.com.

Click on the picture to enlarge

However, if you hover at the "Click to update" link, you will get a different URL which points to angpinoy.org. Angpinoy.org is a Davao-based site of Filipino Catholic professionals. A legitimate site.

If you eventually click on the "Click here for Update button", it will lead you to a site which may appear to be a very legitimate Unionbank site. However, the URL tells us that it isn't.

click here to see the legitimate URL of the Eon login and see the difference.
The IP address of the scam UPB site traces to Indonesia.Whew, I wonder how much could they scam from doing these things? Good business for them.

Be vigilant! If you are not a Unionbank account holder, do not click on the link, what's the point anyway. If you are a cardholder, always check the URL (web address) of the link you are clicking on to check if it is a legitimate one. Better yet, if you really think your account has been compromised, go directly to the web page of your bank then sign in from there.

Don't worry, simply opening the email doesn't put your account at risk. Clicking the link and much more signing in to the scam page is.

UPDATE: The site has been closed for
web forgery already!

What My Kids Will Never Experience

2009-07-18T17:38:00.006+08:00

Click on the picture to get a larger view.

Pardon my sketch, I'm not really an artist. I am just trying to draw the best I can what I and my friends and my aunts and my neighbors experienced during our childhood days that my kids will never experience anymore.

I've probably wrecked a couple of short pants doing this. I will soon post another version of this.. the group version.. or would somebody want to help me with my drawing, please?

Jobless and Loving it

2009-07-17T11:01:00.004+08:00

I think I am weird. I am the only jobless person who's loving it.

Since I and the kids moved here in Singapore to join hubby, I am pressured to go back to work. Three years ago I already had fulfilled my dream of becoming a stay at home mom and the thought of going back to an 8-5 job makes me a little excited but sad.

Excited because I would be earning my own income again. Since I stopped baking, I haven't had a source of income except from hubby's pocket hehehe. Wattalife! Sad because it would mean having to leave the kids again and just see them a few hours a day and weekends.

I have sent several applications online but doesn't get any single response except auto-generated replies. I must admit, I am happy with that. Sounds downright wrong! I should be worried.

For now I have stopped sending applications. I am very pessimistic it is getting me nowhere. Somebody, please slap me in the face so I could wake up from this dreaming. Some are just unemployed because they choose it.

I'm Blogging Again

2009-07-15T09:04:00.001+08:00

It's amazing that my first blog had just turned four years and two months already. I just realized it when I imported the contents of my old/secret blog to this new site. May 2005 when I started my first blog entry.

I guess it was my former supervisor who got me into this. Blogging was something very new to me at that time and upon seeing the blog of my office mate, I got hooked, though on and off. You see, I'm the type of person who loves to scribble anything which is why I love notebooks (ask my hubby). My usual problem with notepads though is the tendency to have my scribblings all mixed up, from list of bills to be paid, grocery list, to do's, and just about anything, including my kids' doodles. Online blogging proved to be a good solution also to store my notes infinitely. If blogging could have existed during the 80's then I wouldn't have lost that diary that has become my mom's favorite reading magazine everytime she uses the loo.

Now, I find myself blogging again with intentions of doing it seriously. Ahem, I thought so too in the past. Let's see what happens.

First the meat, now the meds

2009-03-18T21:34:00.003+08:00

As I was about to let Joshua have his meds this early night, I noticed that the medicines I bought were not in my bunch of grocery plastic bags. I was sure I did not forget to take it from the pharmacy and I could clearly remember putting the plastic in the shopping cart. My hunches tell me I left it at the taxi and it could have gone under the front passenger seat that I did not notice it when I alighted and removed the bags from the cab. To make sure, I went back to Metro to ask the guy who assisted me. He was sure there was nothing left in the cart.

This isn't the first time I lost a grocery bag in a cab. The last time, sometime in January, I left a bag of meat in the trunk. It was a week's supply and I was hoping the driver found it before it contacted salmonella LOL!

I felt bad especially that budget is hanging on the edge. I allowed myself to feel bad for a few minutes and decided to let it go and just think that it happens for a reason, to serve a higher purpose. I just bought a new set of medicine. Joshua's dental surgery now costs a total of 10000 because of the double price I have to pay for the medicine hehehe!

To God be the glory!

Clean Air Act?

2009-03-07T09:40:00.001+08:00

The past weeks, MMDA sidewalk operation has been clearing up our area in C5. It was very commendable that they had cleaned up garbage and unwanted weeds and bushes from the hillside and had de-clogged canals, as well. However, it was very disheartening to find these same people burning the same garbage right there on the sidewalk emitting fumes that are clearly hazardous to our health and our environment as the garbage contains some plastic materials.

Section 20 of the Clean Air Act states:

Ban on Incineration. – Incineration, hereby defined as the burning of municipal, bio-medical and hazardous wastes, which process emits poisonous and toxic fumes, is hereby prohibited: Provided, however, That the prohibition shall not apply to traditional small-scale method of community/neighborhood sanitation "siga", traditional, agricultural, cultural, health, and food preparation and crematoria: Provided, further. That existing incinerators dealing wth bio-medical wastes shall be phased out within 3 (3) years after the effectivity of this Act: Provided, finally, That in the interim, such units shall be limited to the burning of pathological and infectious wastes, and subject to close monitoring by the Department.

Is it still small scale sanitation? And even if it is, isn't it common sense that burning plastic material is hazardous? Don't you think Section 20 needs revision already?

Small scale "siga" ... Just how small is it they're referring to?

Small scale isn't small scale anymore with the current condition the world is in right now. 'Pagsisiga' emits carbon monoxide.. Don't we have more than enough of it already in our air?

Gising!

Mosquitos

2009-02-17T01:02:00.001+08:00

Why are you here again? You know you are unwanted in my house and yet you keep coming back. There is really a time of the year when they are a plenty. I refuse to use pesticides to drive them away anymore.

MY WEBCAM IS FINALLY WORKING.... are you getting these comments in your FRIENDSTER and FACEBOOK?

2009-02-10T07:21:00.002+08:00

Are you getting annoying comments in your Friendster and Facebook account with the words..

MY WEBCAM IS FINALLY WORKING, PLEASE CLICK HERE... with some picture of a girl lifting her blouse? Ang bastoooos!!!! That was my initial reaction until I found out just today that those comments are caused by a worm called KOOBFACE.

KOOBFACE is a virus/worm that is hitting social networking sites such as FRIENDSTER, FACEBOOK and MYSPACE. Good thing it hasn't penetrated MULTIPLY yet. None that I know of.

Anyway, if you are getting these comments in your other networking site or your friends complained that you are sending them these messages, here are some simple advice from a NON EXPERT like me. I got this from another site but I AM TOO LAZY to google it again.

> CHANGE EMAIL ADDRESS AND PASSWORD.. how to do it, naku find out for yourselves nalang.. more often than not, nasa SETTINGS or ACCOUNT info yon.

> RUN A VIRUS SCAN and/or ANTISPYWARE in your computer. I have AVG Free antivirus and ZONEALARM ANTISPYWARE which I bought online. THEY WORK WELL WITH ME in TANDEM.

note: Be careful with FREE ANTISPYWARE or freeware available online. More often than not they are MALWARE and SPYWARE themselves.

>> for friendship sake, TELL YOUR FRIEND who send you the malicious comment TO SCAN HER COMPUTER for viruses.

>> DO NOT BE TEMPTED TO CLICK ON THE "CLICK HERE" portion of the comment or your bound to be domed too.

>> and as always, be cautious when visiting unsecured sites

MGA PESTENG VIRUS ay puksain!!! REFORMAT!!! hehehe!

Moving On No Matter What

2009-02-10T00:20:00.001+08:00

Amidst global recession, thousands losing their jobs everyday, companies closing, shortened workours, without hesitation and second thoughts, we are soon packing our things and moving to Singapore as planned. These depression is not only affecting the Philippines or Singapore but every nation. Recession is not something that we have control of. If we get hit by recession, whether we are here or in Singapore, it will just be the same, so why worry about recession at all.

Let's just have Plan B and Plan C.

Affirmation of Values

2009-02-07T00:52:00.001+08:00

Have I become a better person through the years? What have I accomplished so far from what I envisioned myself to be? What do I wish to do, what do I wish to become?

I am a person with no clear directions in life. Despite having been blessed with intellectual intelligence and swept primary, high school and college with consistent honors, I haven’t really attained much in life. The only trophies I am so proud of are my two sons and my family. They’re what I cannot trade with anything else, yet, I am still no good with parenthood. More so, I haven’t been successful in becoming an ideal wife material. I admit, these are my utmost goals and they are by far the most difficult to achieve.

I have simple dreams now. First, I want to be remembered as a loving mother to my kids. I want them to look back at their growing years and see me as someone who they can talk to freely, who they can count on through good and bad and who raise them in a home full of love. I want them to grow in a home where love and warmth is felt all day long. As a wife, I want to be one who is understanding and sensitive to the needs of my husband. One who speaks only of love and nurture that love until old age and til death do us part.

What is happening now is not leading to what I envisioned to be. My actions are not in conformity with my personal goals. I had alienated Joshua from me. Now he hardly listens to me, he hardly talks to me the way we used to. I haven’t been listening to him sincerely. I have spent more time with other less important things instead of sparing a time with him and Joseph for play. As a wife, I have been overly nagging at my husband. I haven’t been giving him warm attention and have been harsh to him in words.

Today, I am realigning these values, therefore I will not promise to amend myself, instead I will reaffirm that…

To my kids,

I am a loving and kind mother. I am only using kind words whenever I speak to them.

I am disciplining them in a way they will understand.

I am not using threats to get what I want done.

I am spending more time with them and set aside chores that can wait.

I am nurturing their minds and values through proper teaching and example.

I love them unconditionally whether they behave or not.

I feed them nutritious foods.

I am not using harsh words whenever I get mad at them.

To my husband,

I am a loving and understanding wife

I am soft spoken and not asserting that I am always right at all times

I am selfless and giving to his needs

I am holding our marriage with the highest esteem, protecting it from all threats that may arise through a more open and non-threatening communication

I am only using kind words when speaking to him.

As a daughter and sister,

I am thoughtful and more expressive of my love for my parents and sister.

As a child of God,

I am not arrogant when dealing with other people.

I am using only kind words when communicating to any person, whatever their status in life is.

I am obedient to the laws of nature and the laws of heaven.

I am attuned with nature.

I take care of myself as this body is the temple of God and is being lent as gift that I should take care of.

I am not wishing any person ill.

I am not attaching myself to material things.

I am generous in sharing blessings to the needy.

Is Adding a Year to College Really a Solution?

2009-02-03T20:00:00.001+08:00

Lawmakers are debating. College students are complaining. Parents are protesting. Is it really a solution to improve the quality of education in the Philippines? I hope CHED will use their common sense as for me answer is NO!

This is just a waste of time and resources. If they want to improve the quality of education here, here's a one difficult but surely more effective alternative though:

STOP CORRUPTION and instead get those billions out of the corrupt officials' bank accounts and add them to the budget for basic education which would include:

>> RETRAINING OF TEACHERS especially those handling basic education (primary to high school).

>> IMPROVING THE QUALITY OF LIFE OF TEACHERS by raising their SALARY. This will attract more qualified teachers. Good teachers are a few to find as most of them had shifted to more rewarding careers or had gone abroad for better pay. I am one of them.

The list could go on and adding additional year to college wouldn't be necessary anymore if the problem that lies in the lower level of education is addressed. The best quality of education should be given to children and not adult.

I once taught a group of college students in STI and was disgusted to find out several students who do not even know how to spell simple words correctly nor read properly. Disgusting, isn't it? Those kids were suppose to become computer engineers. Will adding one more year in college help them? No, right?

Again, the list of factors affecting the poor quality of education could go on. This couldn't be addresssed by sacrificing the already worn budget of parents.

Desiderata

2009-02-03T19:18:00.001+08:00

When I was in high school, a copy of this poem once hung in our living room. I used to memorize them word for word but never understood its meaning. Just moments ago I was listening to RJ radio on my phone and they had it as their parting song and somehow realized how beautiful it is. I am posting this so I will always be reminded of the things that I should desire.

Desiderata means “desired things” in Latin.

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,

be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

Babies in the New Generation are Technologically Advanced

2009-02-02T23:45:00.001+08:00

My little boy is still two years, two months and two days old to be exact. At his age, he hardly speaks. His vocabulary is building up fast but he isn't talking straight yet. However, his technical skills is amazing. At his age, he can operate basic computer applications by himself already.

He turns on the computer if he finds it off, proceeds to login using the Open User I created for other family members. Depending on what he would like to do, he would click on the Start menu and click on Mozilla if he wants to watch his YouTube videos. Since I hardly clear the browser's cache, he finds his way to what he wants by clicking on the address bar which automatically highlights the URL, press backspace and types "Y". YouTube is usually the first entry which he then clicks on. He then spends several minutes watching his favorite animated videos, mostly, alphabet and counting videos.

If he gets bored with it, he goes to the Start menu again and search for the Folder in My Computer which contains his favorite pictures: Elmo, Barney, the Sesame Street, stars, butterflies. He doesn't know how to double click yet so I taught him to click on a picture and press enter to view it in a larger frame. He also knows how to drag and drop objects particularly to the Media player when he watches his favorite stored videos.

He also knows how to navigate to the Audibles section in YM's. So don't ever wonder if and when you try to send me a message and you get countless audibles. That's not me. (My YM is auto log in).

Sigh, my little boy is growing up fast technologically. I'm afraid that by five he'd be browsing porn sites, LOL! I am actually minimizing his computer exposure now. Not that I don't want him to learn fast. I am just lessening his exposure to radiation. Kids should be more active physically. Sigh again! Not very possible in my place.

Today's Menu: Hypertension

2009-02-02T23:34:00.001+08:00

I finally decided to go back to my dermatologist today for a very, very long overdue follow up check for my contact dermatitis. I dropped by the Vital Signs section of the clinic for a quick blood pressure check. I was surprised to find out my BP is at high, 150/90. I told the nurse I'll take a rest and come back in a few minutes. I was surprise not because it's something new. I had been hypertensive already. I was surprised because I felt no symptoms at all. Most of the times that my BP soars high, I would feel some discomfort already. That's when I take my medicine. I don't really follow the doctor's advise to make Norvask a maintenance medicine. I am afraid of complications.

Today, the truth that hypertension is really a traitor disease was clear to me. It can occur without any symptoms at all. I tried not to panic as I don't want to worsen it. I proceeded to my derma's appointment and was prescribed Prednisone for a week. As I was about to leave the clinic, I realized I haven't asked her if it's okay to take steroids when blood pressure is high. Good thing she was still there and was told to cross out Pred from the prescription.

Sigh, I could have die because of that should I haven't had my BP checked earlier. Ouch!

The Evolution of the Electric Meter

2009-02-02T04:23:00.001+08:00

Noon ang mga metro ng kuryente ay ikinakabit sa labas mismo ng mga bahay.... pero, dahil sa dami ng mga magnanakaw ng kuryente, inilipat eto ng meralco sa labas ng kalye na magkasama sama.

Ngayon.... dahil sa madami pa din ang magnanakaw nililipat na eto ng Meralco sa taas ng poste. Sa tingin nyo nababawasan ang mga magnanakaw ng kuryente sa ginawa nilang to?

(taken 08 April 2007 at C5, Taguig)

Ngayon ang mga magri-reading ng metro ay naka teleskopyo na!

(Saan na naman kaya nila ililipat to sa susunod no?)

Scheduled Dental Surgery for Josh

2009-01-27T00:16:00.001+08:00

After confirming the date of their final exams from Integrated Montessori I was finally able to schedule Joshua's dental surgery. March 16 was the first date I booked but after realizing that a follow up date would fall on a group meet-up I have to attend, rescheduled it to March 18.

Joshua's front incisor is impacted and is growing horizontally. It has to be removed before other dental procedures can be done.

Dr. Joseph Macasiray would be doing the surgery as was highly recommended by Dr. Tan, Joshua's orthodontics. I have yet to visit their office anytime this week but I've already read good reviews about him in Girltalk, a female online community I frequent to whenever I need local information. The cost of the surgery is P8,000.00. I asked if they can do the surgery with the patient sedated as Josh is a bit afraid of the discomfort it will give. Yes, one can opt to be sedated but has to undergo several medical evaluation. I almost dropped the phone when the secretary told me the tests would amount to approximately P50,000. OMG, never mind, I said. Josh can take it especially when he will find out about the price. It will be easy to bribe him. A piece of PSP cd (pirated, oooopss, bad!) would be enough. Cheap kid.

I just pray that it will be as painless as possible and with minimal discomfort and I pray this would be the last dental surgery he has to undergo.

Incident, not Accident

2009-01-26T20:18:00.001+08:00

Traffic was a bit heavy near our place on the evening of January 17. This was really unusual as C5 is a big highway and there is rarely traffic near our place unless there is an accident on the road. So I presumed there was a collision again. Upon reaching the overpass just right across our guardhouse, there were shattered glasses right under the overpass. A neighbor said there was an accident. A man was badly hit by a taxi so strong an impact that the front panel was shattered into pieces.

I wouldn't want to know whether he came out alive in that INCIDENT. I searched for the word accident and here is what I got from wikipedia:

An accident is a disaster which is specific, identifiable, unexpected, unusual and unintended external event which occurs in a particular time and place, without apparent or deliberate cause but with marked effects. It implies a generally negative probabilistic outcome which may have been avoided or prevented had circumstances leading up to the accident been recognized, and acted upon, prior to its occurrence.

Experts in the field of injury prevention avoid use of the term 'accident' to describe events that cause injury in an attempt to highlight the predictable and preventable nature of most injuries. Such incidents are viewed from the perspective of epidemiology - predictable and preventable.

This is why I wouldn't want to call it ACCIDENT because it never was.

These were the words of the MMDA billboard before it was stolen by highway thieves in our place. Even without those warnings, COMMON SENSE tells us all that it is PROHIBITED to cross C5 especially when there is an overpass in that area.

There are countless, IRRESPONSIBLE people in our neighborhood (and across the Philippine island) who refuse to use the overpass and would rather take their risk of dying and many got what they wish for. The incidents of death right below our overpass were countless. I don't know if I should pity them for they are irresponsible and lazy, never thinking of the little ones who will grow up without a father or mother and wives or husbands taking the burden in raising their kids alone because their partners were too lazy to go up and down the overpass. Many Filipinos lack the discipline to carry out simple task like this and yet we wonder why many Filipinos are poor. Tsk!

Being poor doesn't happen by accident. Sorry for the rant.

Xylocaine is the Name

2009-01-16T20:02:00.001+08:00

I want to make sure I will not forget the name of the medicine that Joseph is allergic to. Xylocaine is a local anesthesia commonly used in dental procedures. Joseph had allergic reaction to it when he underwent a minor surgery when a cut in his chin had to be stitched.

My Mind's Busier than Ever

2009-01-16T01:11:00.000+08:00

I've been sleeping really late the past days. The earliest time my eyes shut off would be tonight hopefully as I have promised myself that I'd change my sleeping pattern. It's 1AM and I said I'd just write one entry to my blog. I hope to finish this in less than 20 minutes so that by half past one I'd be snoozing which I doubt.

Since I started working in a call center in 2004 I had always been on a graveyard shift. It has been that way for two years then I resigned to be a full time mom. I was preggy with Joseph that time. Despite the pregnancy, I would stay up as late as 1 or 2AM either finishing a cross-stitch or watching some television series. My biological clock has been altered by my two-year stint in PeopleSupport or perhaps, I have developed late night sleeping as a habit already.

I love working late nights because there are no distractions. Last night I somehow felt the toll of late night sleeping on my body. My back was aching badly and my eyes felt like they will pop out of their socket already. I know I have to change ways, change my sleeping pattern. I know this isn't good for the overall health.

There is less project at the moment but my mind has been busier than ever. I have been thinking about tons and tons of things. This is the price of I have to pay for deciding to move to Singapore. Endlessly, I am trying to figure out the best thing to do with the things we will be leaving behind. Shall we sell the tv? Shall we bring it to the province? Joshua's dental problem, shall we have it fixed here or shall we have the mask made in Singapore? Which is more practical and economical. These are a few of the things that are bothering me.

Arg! I gotta stop thinking!

My Secret Cyberworld

2009-01-13T01:27:00.000+08:00

I started this blog first quarter of last year to supposedly document my baking adventures and misadventures. I prefer to post in Blogspot those that I don't want the whole world to know. Multiply is such a big world out there even if I really have the option to just show it to whoever I want to share it with. Most people don't really have the patience to check out the links I posted in my online store thus only a few visits this link.

Blogspot is my secret world. I have a secret world in here. I have a very personal blog that only a handful of people knew and they might not even remember the URL already. I put it up in 2005 while I was still working in a call center. I document in that blog serious stuff about life, happy notes about my family, inspirations, frustrations, dreams (scary dreams). I wish to bring it forward one of these days. Who knows I might die so suddenly. At least, my loved ones would have something to read about my inner self through that blog. That plain and simple.

Starved

2009-01-13T01:21:00.000+08:00

Starved, starving, famished, extremely hungry. This is what I hate about sleeping this late. Our kitchen is in the unit across and I don’t have some stock of food in here. Between 12MN to 2AM, my tummy already shouts food and there is nothing to grab but a glass of water. Somehow this has been helpful in bringing down my weight just a little bit and when I’m starving signals that I need to sleep already. If I let this pass for a few minutes, I know the hunger would go away. It’s all in the mind, I’m trying to convince myself. I don’t want to sleep yet. It would just be the same, I still would not be able to sleep right away. So go ahead Kate, starved some more!

The Coffee Bean Sentosa ExperienceThe Coffee Bean Sentosa Experience

2009-01-09T11:47:00.001+08:00

January 01, New Year's Day was Sentosa day. It rained when we got there but that didn't dampen the spirit. It only stalled the experience for a few minutes. Towards the end of the day was Luge time. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't able to join the troop as Joseph was crying frantically. He doesn't want to wear the helmet. No helmet, no ride. Got no choice, he was very tired and sleepy already. To compensate that big loss for me, I decided to grab some coffee at The Coffee Bean (ehem, excuses, excuses, excuses!).

Despite my cravings for coffee, I opted not to get one as I didn't want to upset my tummy. Ordered Banana Chocolate Freeze instead so the little boy can take a sip too. Also got a piece of Granda's Scone. Maureen, the staff who got my order was a Filipina. Got my scone and was asked to claim my frap at the pick up counter. We sat at the table beside the counter so I could watch Joseph and wait for my name to be called. Minutes passed, people behind me already got their order while I was kept wondering when I'd get mine. I was trying to be patient until it's taking beyond acceptable wait time already. I stood up to the counter and was dismayed at the kind of attitude the two other staff were PUBLICLY displaying. Both the Chinese and the Indian girls wore UNFRIENDLY faces at nagdadabog pa ang isa, slamming shot glasses into the espresso machine. What a sight to behold! I called Maureen and asked about my Choco Banana freeze. The Indian girl said it was done already and somebody might have gotten it. Maureen has no choice but to make another one for me. Jokingly, told her to tell her colleagues na mag smile naman. "Ma'am hayaan mo, mga kupal ang mga yan!" was her reply. If it wasn't Singapore, I could have talked to their supervisor and tell her to replace her staff with Filipinos. I better get used to it.

If I were the cafe owner, the two gurls would have long been fired and replaced by Filipinos. As to the food experience, I'd say I'd better bake and eat my own scone and next time, no more Banana Chocolate Freeze.

Singapore We are Coming

2009-01-08T00:04:00.000+08:00

I was relieved hearing it from Dad that we are finally moving to Singapore before June comes. I wasn't really in a hurry to pack up our things. I just need an assurance that we are indeed coming over to join him for good. That's all I need for now.

Farewell Baking for Others

2009-01-03T00:31:00.000+08:00

Now I want to believe that I am really getting lazier each day. Burn out from working is a more acceptable term, it's as if I am really overworked. First, I got tired from baking. I swear, I miss baking because I miss eating homebaked goodies. I just got tired baking for other people, for profit. I know not everybody will respect my decision. Most will say it is too "sayang" to give up what I've started. What can I do, I have poisoned my mind that baking for profit is not at all times good. First, my health suffered. If those who say it's "sayang" could borrow my hands and feel what I am going through right now, perhaps, they will understand. Sadly for all of them who thinks I am wasting my so-called talents, I couldn't care less and heck, I don't live with their expectations, poor them!

Call it rationalizing my laziness but I found it difficult enough to do certain tasks without having to feel the discomfort the eczemas are causing. All the while I thought that taking a two-week break would heal them out but no, it worsened them. Thus, I want to shun away from baking for other people especially those that involved decorating. If I could only cancel all pending orders that I have, I would do that. I only got two hands, I couldn't buy spareparts, so the heck at what other people think.

I would continue to bake for my family and friends. That's it! They cannot force me to do otherwise. Afterall, it's me who will suffer from what others will enjoy, LOL!

Singapore or Philippines

2008-12-31T00:34:00.000+08:00

Mylab’s move to Singapore has become a great opportunity for us to live outside the Philippines. A country where it's not too far to come home to when needed. The past decade, out of desperation, MY personal orientation was to migrate to Canada, Australia or New Zealand but that opportunity never came, instead, Dad got an oversees assignment in Russia.

Now, comes the Singapore opportunity where travel is just a mere three hours agony and fare is not hard on the pocket, Dad got pressured as Mom got excited to grab the opportunity to make Singapore a second home. Well, I have my reasons, I always have reasons for things that I like. I think I've finally found my dream place. I won't look anywhere else. I won't even go further where you can hardly go home to your family because of distance and cost of travel.

Singapore is a relatively small city/nation/state with over 4 million people of diverse race. Cost of living is high especially on housing and food but which can be compensated by other benefits one will get in terms of safety, cleanliness and discipline. Crime rate is very low. You can take a walk even in dimly lighted places without having to fear being held-up or snatched of your bag or stabbed by crazy individuals. Their people are disciplined. Laws are strictly imposed and voluntarily being followed as it has seem gotten into the system of every individual. Mass transit such as busses and trains are very effective and well organized. If you are used to the chaotic transport system in the Philippines where you can have the convenience of flagging down a bus or jeepney at any point, you will find it tiring the first time walking to the nearest bus stop in Singapore as you won’t have a choice. Believe me, you will get used to it after you see its convenient side. There are no noisy streets. Hardly you will hear a bus or car blow its horn. Their busses don't emit dirty carbon monoxide on your face when you are on the street. Traffic routes are very organized and you will not see busses swerving here and there overtaking each other or stopping at the center of the highway to pick up a passenger. Private car owners are very disciplined as well. They don’t stop anywhere to drop off their passengers. They do it near bus stop areas too.

In terms of cleanliness, perhaps not even the cleanest city in the Philippines can bet Singapore's cleanliness. The air is not polluted. The streets, anywhere you go are clean. Overpass and walkways don't stink of urine. Creeks are clean and free of garbage. Trees are all around.

People are disciplined. You will not get neighbors like the ones I have back in Manila who thinks they are the only ones in the neighborhood singing their hearts out on videoke day and night that you can hardly watch television because you wont hear anything but their singing prowess. Safety is not an issue as Singapore has very low crime rate and there are no gang wars at night right down your building.

Yes, cost of living is high but the security and health of my dearly beloved ones (especially the small ones) is what matters most. Living in Singapore would be a dream come true for us.

Burn Out

2008-12-08T15:16:00.000+08:00

I realized that since my last post (June 2007), I had gotten so busy with kitchen works. The reason why I had set aside my personal and family life which I want to redeem soon... very very soon. I want to be hands on with my sons again. Lately when my little boy cries at night he calls his yaya. It never happened to Kuya despite me being a corporate mom that time. I don't want my little boy to be running to his yaya for comfort when sad. I want him to run to Mommy and call Mommy's name. I maybe full time at home now, but I am not 100% with my sons. I want to redeem my place in their hearts. I want to make an emotional deposit again. Had been making too many emotional withdrawals lately.

Illiterate Pulubi

2008-05-31T08:58:00.000+08:00

Just a minute ago, a badjao knocked on the door with an envelop in her hand. The note on the envelop says:

"Ako po ay isang Badjao Tae, humihingi po ako ng tulong sa inyo. Sinungaling po ako. Salamat po."

I don't know if I'll be amused or annoyed. I presume they are the "no read, no write" authentic-badjao-dayo and they probably asked help from someone else to write the message on the envelop.

I just regret I wasn't able to take pictures of that envelop. I rushed outside to call her back but she was fast gone.

Self Management

2008-05-22T01:47:00.000+08:00

Yes, not time management is the answer to this seemingly endless time issues battling inside my head. Issues on how I can juggle my time being a mother and temporarily a father too, of my two boys constantly demanding my attention and attending to the demands of my growing number of fans :p (hehehe I am so amused by that statement).

When I was working, I spent 10 hours a day, 5 and sometimes 6 days a week at work away from my family yet no one seemed to complain and I was healthy. There was even a period that we did not have any househelp, I was working night shifts and when I got home in the morning, prepared my Joshua for school, washed some dishes, did some cleaning, slept a little and back to work again. That went on for two straight years. I never got sick aside from common colds and cough. My Josh was at the top of his class then.

But I had dreams. It was my long time dream to be a stay at home mom and a full time wife and when I got pregnant with Joseph and hubby got a good financial opportunity, I was very lucky to have finally fulfill that dream. That's what I thought so. I don't know what has gotten into me that I started to find hobbies that I could do while tabebe was still small. I started selling ukay ukays but only got stressed out from too much physical exertion. After about 6 months, I enrolled in beadcraft workshop and had so much fun making accessories. I started posting my work in a social networking site but not too many noticed them although I have sold quite a plenty to my friends and relatives. I didn't really mind, I wasn't into serious money-making business.

Then at one point, I started to bake. I have my mom's old trusted recipes to try so it wasn't a problem. I thought that a cake would be too big for a small family so I started experimenting on cupcakes using the cake recipes I have. I sell some to our neighbors and some at my son's school. I never really thought that cupcakes were already a hit. How would I know, I don't dine out hehehe. I thought taking pictures of the cupcakes would be fun. I then opened a Multiply site to post the pictures of my cupcakes. That gave birth to Simply Kate's. I didn't really expect people to notice it especially that I don't have a network yet.

Unexpectedly, orders came in and they just keep coming in. Now, I have a big problem, some say happy problem... I can't handle them anymore and my time for my family has suffered. I know this is my own fault as I don't know how to say no. Now, I keep telling myself, this is not what I wanted when I quit work. This was not what I dreamed of. This was not even part of the plan. But I am not quitting. I guess I just need to manage myself another way to cope up with the challenges of being a mother and the growing needs of this little business.

It's Hard to Say No

2008-05-15T23:25:00.000+08:00

I never anticipated that turning down orders is this difficult. I feel like closing my doors for blessings that are supposedly coming in. But I just got to say NO with a heavy heart. I just have to keep in mind how my body screamed for rest during those days when I only get 4 hours of sleep every single night. This is the time to cover up from too much sleep debt.

To give importance to the most important persons and things in life, I have to make a decision. When I quit work, I just wanted to be a mother and wife. That was my lifelong dream that as soon as we could afford it, I grabbed the opportunity to fulfil that dream. But I somehow twisted my fate by getting myself into a hobby that turned into a growing business. This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expected to happen. Now I'm confused whether I'd want to give this more opportunity to grow or just leave it to die a natural death by not taking in more of it. Now, I feel guilty whenever I wanted to stop. Many people are looking for opportunity to earn more income but couldn't find one and here I am wanting to quit with already that opportunity in my hand enough to make me feel guilty.

I am soon hiring my aunt's former househelp and I am hoping that loads will lighten up a bit. Somebody can do the procurement, clean up, basic baking and perhaps delivery for me and I will be left with just cake decorating. I can't foresee yet how it will turn out. We'll see in the next two months. For now, I just got to rest.

Mga Nakaka Bad Trip Today

2008-04-09T19:06:00.000+08:00

Some days aren't just perfect. First, it was sooo hot today that taking those taxi cabs isn't just worth it. Lugi sa pamasahe considering that their airconditioners almost don't work, especially when you go out on high noon. Unless you take those new taxi units, expect the worst. The next time I go out, I should bring a fan.

I went to SweetCraft to present to them the end product of their marshmallow and brought a little sample of the one made from the other brand. Unfortunately, April, the Manager wasn't there. Second trip would be to the dermatologist, the long overdue appointment. I decided to go to Makati Med instead of The Medical City since there is a nearer Fitness First in the former.

Bad trip na naman. Does being an old hospital an excuse to smell sooo so badly? Sa entrance palang, di ko maintindihan, a mix of strong lysol and "CR" smell greeted me. So amoy hospital na ewan. Is it just me? Kaartehan lang ba talaga? I am so used to Medical City where it is so clean, parang hotel. And OMG, in Makati Med, you will get to meet and greet patients on stretcher sa lobby and alley. Para akong nasusufocate, ang liliit pa ng mga daanan and so daming nakahilirang mga pasyente tapos ang baba pa ng ceiling... Haaaay... My apologies if ganito ako ka sensitive at kaarte. Sorry to all who patronizes Makati Med but it's a painful reality. I hope that new building which will supposedly house the doctors' offices will greatly help and I hope all the renovation going on in the hospital will help. They will lose out to competition. Okay, enough of that.

I was happy to get to the Medicard office only to find out that the doctor will be in by 3PM pa. Okay, okay, I hate waiting, isa pa yan sa kaartehan ko... but got no choice. While waiting for the doc, I decided to go find some lunch. Tiniis ko na naman ang sobrang init ng araw and went to Jollibee Convergys, ordered a burger and an ice craze with special instruction, twice repeated to the cashier..."less ice, please"... only to get a cup so full of it. I always want my halo halo or ice craze with kunting ice because I don't want some liquid spilling out of my cup when I mix it... and I don't want to be eating too much ice kasi... kaartehan na naman. Good thing, I was kinda mabait and decided to let go of it and enjoyed my meal, nonetheless. I went back to the doctors clinic and waited for another hour. My great consolation? Nakatulog ako ng mahaba-haba.

To cut the story shorter, I dropped by Market Market to buy some groceries and went home. Walang pila sa taxi, I can't believe it! Got so excited that instead of taking a jeepney, took a cab. Kainis kala ko tapos na mga ka bad tripan, humabol pa ung taxing un. Naman kasi, nag taxi pa. Got on a Kia Pride na ang luwag sa loob, di naman mabaho and di naman mainit... nainis lang ako sa driver. Hay, sabagay naiintidihan ko naman bakit talagan kelangan humingi ng dagdag sa pasahe. Mahal na daw ng gasolina. Kahit sampu lang daw. Nainis ako not because I dont want to give. I always give extras to every cab I take. Ang ayoko lang yong hinihingan ako, nagbibigay naman ako ng kusa.

Haay talaga, mga kaartehan ko sa buhay.

To All Those Born in the 50's, 60's and 70's

2008-03-29T14:41:00.001+08:00

(Just a repost from an email I received, so nice, so true)

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us.

While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711 ( minsan straight from the faucet or poso)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan.

No one was able to reach us all day ( di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers ) . And yes, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters....... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !

We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns " gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan..pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

We made up games with sticks ( syatong ), and cans ( tumbang preso )and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay.paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tignan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!

PS - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age).

Failed Businesses

2008-03-17T20:34:00.000+08:00

Impulsive. Easily Bewitched. They best describe the reasons why I failed in several business attempts. When I 'think' I like something, I become very impulsive that I often win arguments over those who wanted to stop me and I always get I want. Now, I am embarassed to look back at those failures but they taught me so many hard lessons in life.

I am more of a shopper, actually, than a seller. Then I got myself into a mess when I joined a multi-level marketing business, my first business attempt and biggest business failure. I sacrificed a lot for that and had gone through the worst ordeal I wouldn't dare to detail here.

I thought that was the first and last but it was just a thought. Impulsive as I am, I thought I'd do better in bakery business. We put up a small bakery a few years ago. What can I say? Failure again. It was very stressful. I had to sleep late and wake up too early. That was the last, I promised myself.

Since then, I never left the corporate world. Working full time is better. I get paid whether I work my best or worst. I only spend more or less 10 hours in the office and get a guaranteed pay at the end of the day. Then I got the opportunity to fulfill my greatest dream, become a full time mother.

Having not much to do, I browsed a forum for business suggestions forgetting that I promised myself not to get involved in another business stint again. I was easily enticed by the promising UKAY UKAY business. I won the argument again. I got the go signal to start it. Was it a hit? Yes a big hit! When I opened my first 3 bundles everyone went gaga over it. Here's the problem now...I thought they were going to pay me in cash... Kapaaaal! Utangin pala. What can I do, they were holding the clothes already. Collection was the hardest. I got discouraged, I didn't sell the remaining items. You need not guess it, you're right, it failed again. Much more I earned something unwelcomed, HYPERTENSION! Arrrggghhh!

Did it finally stop there? Of course not. I never seem to learn my lesson. That's how stubborn I am. I tried making accessories. It was great at first. My creativity was awakened. I did it along with baking, alternating whichever has orders coming in. Now thousands and thousands of beads are hybernating in one corner of the house awaiting their final verdict. I am busy with something else which I hope is not bound the same fate the past businesses went through.

Overdue Vacation

2007-06-20T22:08:00.000+08:00

I, myself, couldn't believe that I've let so many years passed before taking that flight home again. For four longs years, I haven't gotten home and the two months I've stayed in the province never seemed enough for the people back home.

We packed a lot for that vacation that we paid over a thousand bucks for the extra luggage. We got three balikbayan boxes and one big, heavy leather bag that needs to go home to the owner. Nope, those are not stuff we needed for the holiday. Those are stuff we no longer need here at home that needed disposal. It was like donating to the charity, you know. One of the boxes got old but still nice rattan placemats given by my brother-in-law a few years back, all our used clothing to be given out to my yaya's family, my maternity dresses which I am passing on to my sister hoping she'd have a new baby soon, a few pieces of the ukay-ukay stuff left behind from the first shipment, our working clothes and footwear, baby stuff, an inflatable pool and food.

The trip was smooth except that baby Joseph was fussy during the entire flight, probably due to cabin pressure. Thanks to my new Treo 650 that got his favorite Barney show which provided entertainment for a few minutes. It only took an hour and twenty minutes for the flight. Thanks to my sister who was able to borrow transportation from a friend, we got a nice ride home.

It was my first time to see mama's house which by the way, instantly got tiled because we were coming home. No, not for me but for baby Joseph. We were able to trick (not a very good term but that's what we really did) Mama Che to hasten the tile flooring, who in turn was able to get financial assistance from Papa Boy. It felt good to be "home".

The entire summer was spent rather simply. Most of the time we stayed home only, with the kids having fun time taking a dip and learning how to swim in the 10-foot diameter inflatable pool. Even my little boy and adults alike loves to swim in it. It's where Josh advanced his swimming skills.

It was also after four long years that I got to meet old friends. We had a few gatherings which somehow made me updated on how they were doing with their lives. Some still remain childless after years of marriage. Some had gotten married already. So much had change nonetheless I still felt the warmth of the same old, genuine friendship.

The reunion would not be perfect without the little disagreement we had with mom over her "precious" plants. There was a dispute whether to transfer the santol tree farther from the house, then the heated discussion to Lola Luz's cutting the Lansones tree. It made the vacation spicy, we were like a family, hahaha!

Well, it was my sister who got the first prize when it comes to events and highlights for that vacation.

Double Time

2007-06-20T21:54:00.000+08:00

I have a lot of catching up to do with my blog, perhaps, forgotten a lot already on what I am supposed to document. It's been quite a while, things just gotten out of hands (lame excuse, of course). But I simply cannot run away from it, I stopped writing journals on my precious notebooks so I have to do this so that I have something to look back to when I grow a little older.

I don't know where to start again but I guess I'll pick up from my last post here. Happy blogging again, myself!

My Macaroons

2007-03-10T22:59:00.000+08:00

Same day that I made my first chopsuey, I baked our favorite macaroons. Unlike most macaroon recipes, I do mine with freshly grated coconut instead of dessicated coconut.

Mom said that this recipe was an award winning recipe way back in the 80's. Thank goodness my mom loves to bake. I only learned to bake a year ago. Nonetheless, I can do better in baking than in cooking. I only made half of what the recipe called for. I was able to make over 60 pieces. I love my macaroons when they are golden brown on top but kuya loves it just lightly golden so I have to make sure that he gets his share too.

I used to sell macaroons in the office and my officemates just loved it. When that new oven lands here in June, I will definitely sell some again. I just have to come up with a nice and a bit sturdy packaging.

Ambitious Cook

2007-03-08T22:06:00.000+08:00

Being a full time mother and wife, I can now at least say I have learned to love the cooking trade as opposed to what I was before, a mere "devourer".

I don't used to like cooking although I could cook very simple recipes that don't call for more than 3 ingredients. Among those that I could do without even looking at recipe books are: fried fish (fresh or dried), tinola, utan law-oy (stewed mixed veges), and sinugba (grilled).. and adobo, too. Well, at least I can make good adobo. It trapped my ex-boyfriend into believing I am a good cook that he ended up marrying me, hahaha!

Since the time I achieved my long time dream of being a full time home manager, I became a bit interested in cooking. Well, I know this is not by choice. I have to do it, otherwise, my family will get bored eating the same thing everyday. This is especially, when our certified cook is not around to do the cooking for us. For nine years, I had depended on my ex to cook for us when it calls for food other than fried stuff.

I seek refuge from internet recipes especially from www.pinoyfoodtalk.net and recipe exchange forums.

Just a few days back, I cooked my very first chopsuey, recipe courtesy of a fellow Girltalker. I altered the recipe though because I am selective with vegetables I eat. Sadly, I don't eat carrots (unless they are grated in some recipes). So my chopsuey only contained my favorite cauliflower, broccoli, sayote, baguio beans and chinese cabbage. I was very proud of my finished product. The picture may not look very appealing but I tell you it tasted so good that I told my husband he will never cook chopsuey again to rival with my version. Well, the secret was with Campbell's Cream of Mushroom condensed soup. It had to taste good because that chopsuey was a bit expensive because of the ingredients. As always, I gave out some to our neighbor, not to brag about it but because there was just plenty of it for just the three of us at home.

SAHM

2007-01-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

I love being a stay at home mom. This has been my dream job ever since, believe it or not. I can honestly say, I don't miss my corporate life. Yes it is tiring but it is very rewarding and fun. I just love every minute of it.

I, though, feel guilty about it. Guilty that I was not able to do it for Joshua. If only I had a choice at that time.

Nonetheless, I believe everything happens with a purpose.

Life and Death

2007-01-14T14:36:00.003+08:00

November 30 - My sister and her beau arrived from Dipolog. They were here to be my sitters for my baby boy. I was scheduled for a C-section December 2. They brought an abundant supply of food with them: shrimps (superbig), tablea for tsokolate, budbud, bulad (cebuano for dried fish) and some herbs supposedly for tinolang manok :) . Later that day, we had to have a quick run to Market Market. We need some slippers. It was really quick.

At bedtime, I was kinda interrogating my sister how does a "labor" feel as honestly, I was not sure if I know how to identify one. I also told my sister that before the big day I will be indulging in those huge shrimps and a lot of puto-sikwate. Unfortunately, it had became a dream only as that night (or dawn), I sorta felt those contractions as described by my sister. I immediately got up at around 2AM, took Duvadilan as prescribed by my doctor a week earlier to avoid pre-mature labor. But I panicked when I noticed I had spottings before I went back to bed. I texted my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital already.

December 1, 4:43 AM - Joseph clinically came out of my tummy. I heard him cry a few times. I was waiting to see how he looked like but never did. I started to wonder and asked questions. I knew they were suppose to show him to me like when I gave birth to Joshua. The only answer I got everytime I ask about him is, he is okay, that he has to be rushed to the pedia because he was not able to cry immediately. In the afternoon, the pedia came to me to tell me the bad news. My little angel was in the ICU and was being endorsed to a specialist because he had a "little problem" as she called it. But as I was listening to her, it dawned my that the "little problem" meant that my little boy was in a critical condition, in a battle between life and death. They could not even give assurance that he will live. They simply said that it depends on how his little body will respond to the medication.

Joseph had severe sepsis and pneumonia due to meconium staining. They couldn't or maybe would not want to explain why. He was not overdue. I did not get sick except for a simple cold days before I gave birth, my blood pressures were constantly normal.

The day I did manage to get up and take a walk, I got to see my angel for the first time. I couldn't help buy cry. He was so helpless with tubes being inserted to his lungs and stomach. He has to be in a respirator because his lungs were not functioning. He was not breathing on his own. He depended on the machine to do it for him. My poor little boy! What a sad sight. I thought I'd lost him.

Dra. Corpuz told us that the first two days was the most critical, she couldn't tell yet if Joseph will make it. She could not tell at what percentage will he survive. She couldn't tell how soon he will have progress.

December 2 - Nurses said he was improving a bit. He showed signs of his own little breathing. That gave us hope but it had not stopped me from crying everytime I think of him. Daddy was scheduled to come home then. It was supposed to be in January but we needed him now more than ever. To kuya, we explained things on why he couldn't see his brother yet. He understood and as he has always a positive outlook on things said, he was gonna be okay.

Indeed he was. On the third day (December 3) when I went to the ICU, I came looking for my baby. I was not able to recognize him. He was so beautiful. All the tubes were gone!!!!! He no longer needed the respirator. Nurses said he just need a little oxygen. I was ecstatic. My blood pressure shoot up. I did not mind. Iwas just too excited. If only I could run upstairs to my ward to tell my sister the good news. We were all ecstatic.

He made it past the most critical stage. He was meant for us. We asked him from Him and He gave him to us.

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful gift.

Miiingaaaw!

2006-07-25T08:24:00.001+08:00

Gosh, I can't believe it will be as mingaw as this one. I thought everything's going to be okay, but for now it's not. Daddy, we miss you so much.

Josh and I had a hard time sleeping last night and ended up hugging and telling each other how we miss you. I told kuya we finally had a bigger space in bed and I only ended up crying when kuya said "kulang naman ng isang love love".

Di pala ganun kadali... We need you around... I know this feeling is temporary.. yaan mo lang muna kami ni kuya.. we'll get over this soon.... Sobrang miss ka lang namin...

Bye the way, la pala pasok si kuya today. Happy na rin ako, at least one more day for review.

Bye for now, keep checking this site for more post.. Dito ko na post journal ni baby and ni kuya...

Love you Dad, miss you sooooo much.

New Zealand - Not for Us

2006-07-20T14:18:00.001+08:00

I was scrolling through Jehu's Yahoo Mail (of course I can, I created it and got its password) and got across Rita Martin's email. Rita is a NZ Visa Officer. There was little excitement when I got it but there were some disappointment about its content. Our EOI was rejected because it did not meet 140 points as we claimed. It stated that Bonus Points for Qualification in Area of Absolute Skills Shortage and Bonus Points for Work Experience in Area of Absolute Skills Shortage are not meet.

However, dispointed I may be, desperate I am not. I am just taken over with excitement about the new addition in our family. Aside from that, Jehu is leaving for Russia in the next few days. There's too much too prepare.

I don't have time to investigate what we need to do. Maybe NZ is not just for us yet. Let it be until this baby comes out.

Blessings Outpoured

2006-05-18T14:30:00.001+08:00

Call it a multiple blessing for this year – an angel in mum’s tummy and an overseas assignment for dad. Though the latter may mean loneliness for me and kuya, we all take it with a big heart – an answer to our prayers. For months we have waited for dad’s overseas assignment and whether it is pure coincidence or blessing, one thing is for sure, it comes at the right time.

Mid last year, we were talking about having a baby sister or brother for the now 7-year old kuya. I kept on insisting that unless we have a hundred thousand bucks in our bank account, I will not risk it. This is because of the greater chance of having a C section again which really puts a hole in the pocket.

But God has His way of giving us His blessings. He sent us the message that we are going to have a baby right on Kuya’s birthday. Much more, the baby is scheduled to fully mature on mum’s tummy by December. Isn’t it a relief to know that bonuses are just on time for the baby’s birth?

Then very recently was the good news for dad and it was specifically meant for him. It was supposed to be for his teammate but who came in just 5 minutes late. Whoah! And this also means one more thing – hopefully, we should be debt-free when the little angel comes out. Loans – no more - plus the fact that we have a pending immigration application which would also cost us thousands of bucks. Papsi, don’t worry, di na mabuslot ang buslot na nimo nga alkansya.

When I think of how God has been very good to us, I couldn’t help but cry. I am just so happy that when things happen according to His plans, everything will just fall into it’s proper place in its perfect time.

Glory to God in the highest!

Ah, I Can't Wait Any Longer

2006-05-01T18:12:00.001+08:00

The past week seems like a year to me and I guess I still have to endure two more years going to work every night before I could have my normal life again.

Since I started in PS August of 2004 I had always been into the graveyard shift and had been loving it. This time however, it had became a heavy cross for me to carry. I started to feel tired whenever I think of work, I have my moodswings which I rarely had before. In short, I had stopped loving work.

The downtime could no longer be cured by Starbucks. I could not bear not having enough sleep during daytime. I become more depressed when it is sleep time thinking I could not sleep again. The scorching heat of the summer sun had contributed much to my dilemna and the noise of the playing children is no longer a music to a mother's ear.

To others two weeks is too short. To me, it is a lifetime.

Alaala ni Noy Alan

2006-05-01T18:03:00.001+08:00

Kahapon ng kami'y pumunta sa Metro Market me nagbibinta dun ng puto maya or suman sa tagalog. Sarap sanang bumili kaya lang naubosan na ng tsokolate. Naalala ko na naman si Noy Alan. Sa twing makakakita ako ng puto maya at sikwate at lalo na ngayong ako'y buntis, iisang tao ang naalala ko, ang namayapang kabiyak ng kapatid ng papa ko, si Noy Alan. Pang third trimester ko nun ke Josh. Sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos nun, sa tuwing umaga ay tinatawag ako ni Noy Alan sa kanila para kumuha or kumain ng paborito kong puto maya at sikwate. Yon ay hanggang sa nanganak ako kay Joshua. Alam ni Noy Alan na sobrang naging peborit ko yon nung panahon na yon. At ngayon, na akoy buntis, naalala ko na namang kumain ng puto maya.

Good News and Bad News

2006-04-18T14:49:00.001+08:00

Two days of not eating is too much for my suffering, just trying to survive with water and lots of it. I could only imagine what Josh and Jehu had to suffer earlier when they got their mumps. Got it from them. It was too timely for me as I am on leave from work. Ahhh.... I am suppose to go to Singapore on Thursday but I am not going anymore.

Much more, I am 5 weeks on the way. This is the good news. However, both Jehu and I don't know what to feel. We're happy yet so worried because of my present situation. I had taken several medications of ibuprofen and antihistamine the past few days for my mumps. To add to my suffering, I cannot eat anything. Even if my doctor said that I should not worry about it, I still am. That is the bad news.

When we told Josh that he is going to have a baby brother/sister, he did not show too much interest. Especially when he asked me when is the baby coming and told him, in December. In his mind, that's still way too far. But when I told him that the baby is already in mom's tummy, he jumped for joy. He became too excited. That's all he wanted to hear. I never realized it earlier.

He can't wait to give the baby it's name. When I told him that I want it biblical like his, he gave me a weird look. "Mom", he said, "It's not gonna be Moses or Noah, right?"

Hmnn... why not?

A Surge of Depression

2006-04-13T01:42:00.001+08:00

cWhile reading the posts at the my Yahoogroup, I felt a surge of depression inside. I am depressed at the thought of having our EOI rejected because they might not recognize our qualifications from our school. Here I go again with this same thoughts about our alma mater. Bakit ba naman kasi ang pangit ng name ng school namin at ikinahiya ko pa ata to. Yong initials pa nya ABC, parang XYZ school, yong mga kadalasang ginagamit sa mga examples pag me kwento na nangungutya about school. Arrgghh... kakainis di ba? Pero sana naman, NZ would not be that discriminating as I thought when it comes to choosing their migrants.

Hay, graduate nga ako ng ABC, e ano ngayon? I'm not mediocre. I have to pick up myself and think positively. NZ will not deny us just because of that. Go parin Tekla, kahit anong mangyari... hehehe! (Sira ulo na talaga ako.)

Investment

2006-04-12T04:59:00.001+08:00

I am trying to compute how much we will be spending for our NZ immigration pala.

Here they are (para sa mga willing na mag-aksaya ng panahon at pera):

PAR (Pre-Assessment Result) - NZ$75 (x2) = Php 5000.00
EOI (Expression of Interest) - 300 9600.00
-------------
Initial while waiting for ITA (paid na to) 14600.00

Eto nalang ang wala pa kami:

ITA Application Fees US$1050 54000.00
IELTS 9000.00
Medical Php7500x3 22500.00
NZQA 10000.00
-------------
more or less 96000.00

Waaaaaa.... over 100K pala magastos din... hay... san kaya ako makahanap ng pambayad no? Maybe I can shoulder NZQA and IELTS pero I bet I would be on bended knees again hihingi ng assistance sa father ko... sa laki ba naman.. di carry ng powers ko to.

Continue to have faith.... if it is for us, God will give it to us in its proper time.

Tatamad-Tamad sa Trabaho

2006-04-12T01:15:00.001+08:00

Pag ganito ang mode sa trabaho, syimpre ang ginagawa ay busy-busyhan lang. Kunwari busy ang mga kamay sa pagta-type. Kala mo naman work yong ginagawa, blog pala. Hay, ano ba at parang napakatamad ko ata lately. Or shall we say di lang tama yong mga priorities ko. Kasi ba naman busy busy sa ibang mga bagay tulad ng pagbabasa ng mga post sa Pinoys2NZ digest. Nahibang na ata ako masyado sa planong to. Panu kasi malapit na kaming mag lodge ng EOI namin. Hay, after 8 years.. sana tuloy tuloy na itich... at wala nang masyadong hadlang pa.

Although, honestly sobrang kinakabahan pa rin ako sa mga plans na to kasi ba naman, feeling ko I did not ask for signs from above kung ito na ba talaga ang tamang oras na maglodge ng EOI. Umiiral na naman tong pagka impulsive ko. One year narin pala ang nakalipas since nag attend kami ng seminar sa Sampang. Si Roa nakapag EOI na nung May last year pa, samantalang ako ay inabot pa ng isa pang taon. See? Bagalicious ko talaga.

Buti nalang at guminhawa kunti ang life ngayon, bumaba ang dollar exchange at bumaba ang EOI fee. Siguro eto ang tinatawag na timing? Hmmmpp.. sana. At least mas mababa ang investment namin ngayon. Okay lang sa kin ang mag-antay ng ilang months para sa ITA sakaling ma select. Tama pa habang pakiusapan ko pa ang mabait kong ama para makautang naman.. hehehe.

Excited na kami. Yipee!!!!

First Steps

2006-04-06T01:44:00.001+08:00

Ayun sa masyadong bugbog na atang salawikain, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Indeed, New Zealand is literally thousands and thousands of miles away from where we are right now. A single step is what we need to start that journey, they say. However, in 1998, we had already taken that single step. The only problem was - we were taking more steps backwards than forwards. That's why after almost 10 years of dreaming about the place, we are still here.

Last year, when Mom went to the states to, you know, work (what else, we can't afford to go there simply on tour), I was so much hopeful that she could lend us a small amount to re-start our journey (for the nth time). Fifteen thousand bucks was all we need then. I just ended up getting very frustrated when not a single penny was loaned to us. I could not blame her (me utang pa kasi ako sa kanya, well).

That was September of last year when the point system was at its lowest. Then my dear papa took his turn in going to the states. Yes, my very generous father. He was willing to lend us money then but it was us who refused as the points went up to 140. Thought it would be difficult for us to pass then.

Four months later, I got across the NZIS site again and tried to review the policies and changes. I tried to get in touch with NewjobZ but they do charge a lot for their service. When I learned from Debbie Go that Kate Go did not really get the service from them, I took a step back and tried to check our points again. Wow, we're at the 140 threshold. That gives us little hope then...

... starting the same journey again.

After 35 Days

2006-04-05T23:12:00.001+08:00

I'm back after over 30 days of not posting anything in here. It was either I was too busy (of course, that's a bluff) or just did not want to spare time for it. Of course, I was busy with something else.. more important ones, I hope.

I guess I should be finding time to post here more often to document the 'old' new journey will be taking in.

Hopefully this time, this will be for real.

Ash Wednesday ba?

2006-03-01T14:24:00.001+08:00

Nagulat ako, Ash Wednesday na pala. Ang bilis ng panahon, katatapos lang ng Christmas tapos ngayon lenten season na naman. Tsk! Bilis nating tumanda nito.

Neways, di na naman ako nakatulog today. Haay.. lentek na customer yang Nicole na yan, hanggang sa pagpikit ng mga mata ko dala dala ko pa yong concern ko sa account nya. Tuloy di ako makatulog. I was trying to catch some sleep pa naman kasi pupunta sana akong derma.. yan tuloy, di ako matuloy-tuloy. Kakatamad na talaga lumabas ng bahay lalo na pag ganito ang klema, ang init sa labas.. feeling ko magiging useless ang pagpapaganda ko if ma e-expose lang din ako sa sobrang init ng araw.. Haay, bruhang buhay talaga to o. Di pa ako makatulog, sakit pa ng ulo ko, di ko pa maintindihan katawan ko, ang init init pa ng panahon, di pa ako makapag derma at worst me pasok pa ako mamaya. At nag ka carbo loading na naman ako to compensate na wala akong magawa. Sarap mag call in talaga, ewan ko lang kung di ko lang habol habol na makapagtipid ng leave credits.

Ewan, gulo ng mind ko la naman akong iniisip na seryoso puro kababawan lang. I have turned on the airconditioner na... Naman! At least man lang lalamig kunti paligid ko.. pero ang init pa din. Kaya i love the rains. Kasi pag umuulan sarap ng feeling. Abala nga lang sa pag school ni Josh at pagko-commute pag umuulan pero seyet, pag ganitong panahon, masasabi ko talaga i love the rain.. hehehe!

Waaaaaa... ngayon ko lang naiisip, pa summer na pala... so isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito... hotter days to come. Good luck nalang sa Meralco bills namin. Bahala na. Mayaman na daw kami ngayon e kasi ung meralco namin abot na ng 4K ang monthly namin. Naman! Di pa ako nag e-aircon nyan sa umaga ha.

Almost 3.... pag makatulog man ako ngayon barely 4 hours lang sleep ko. Tsk! Pilitin kong makatulog sa station mamaya. Kaya lang i doubt rin kasi ba naman para naman kaming bola nito palipat lipat ng station. Tapos napapaligiran pa kami ng mga full time inbound reps --- ang iingay! Hay, gustong gusto ko na talaga mag call in... ano ba?

Duh! watevah! bahala na! watever na papasok sa mind ko mamaya.. tapos eto pa ha... sumakit pa lalamunan ko kanina... feeling ko magkakasakit ako.. tagal ko na ring din nagkasakit. Bawal magkasakit.. me bata sa bahay!

Sigh... sigh na naman... sigh pa once more.... aarrgghh! Goodbye derma, next week ka na lang, okay, maganda pa rin naman ako kahit di kita puntahan ngayon. Gosh!

EDSA I – February 24, 2006

2006-02-24T17:30:00.001+08:00

Somehow I got the much needed absolution today, after three long years. It’s such a great feeling knowing your soul is His again. “I firmly resolve to avoid all occasions of sins. Amen.” This is my new year’s resolution. Along with this is the undertaking to be more patient, to hold my temper, to be humble and to be more understanding of other people’s feelings especially of those I treasure the most. If there is one commandment I have not broken, it is “to honor your father and mother”. They are not perfect just like everyone else. They are not typical parents. Nevertheless, I never doubted they love us with all their heart.

There is, however, one thing I failed to do today – getting the needed sleep. The sun was just too excited today to see me whole again, it was shining soooo brightly. Infact, the government even declared today as a holiday. Isn’t it great? They were celebrating for their prodigal daughter had come home. No classes means no stillness at home. Josh’s friends are making so much noise in the room. They were like, laughing and talking the whole day. Let the children’s laughter, so they say. Though I had turned on the air conditioner, I choose not to sleep anymore. I’d rather not be dead to the world for 24 hours than get a 3-hour sleep and end up having a terrible headache when I wake up. I am thinking not going to work today but I don’t want to waste my leave credits. With our inboxes all clear, I guess I can take in-between-call naps… hehehe… model employee.

I am still trying to figure out whether I would go to the office earlier or just in time for my shift. I don’t know which timeslot has a heavier traffic taking into account the rallies going on --- I guess not for the Edsa I celebration but for the call to ouster GMA.

Gosh! I remember, I had committed to Leni to join the Freedom Build tomorrow but I don’t think I can still survive 48 hours without sleep. I might forgo the activity. Maybe next time when they will hold the action on a regular day… I mean not in concurrence with a national holiday where security threat is at high. I had seen how the military force is in red alert today and tension might arise by tomorrow… hehehe… I found a good excuse. Sorry.

Call in or not… Call in or not….. still playing in my mind. Let’s see what happens by seven. There would be six left of them if I don’t go to work today. Hmnn… kaka konsensya ba? Que sera sera.

The Lady in Red

2006-02-23T21:04:00.001+08:00

The first thing I did when I got my consciousness back was to feel the pain then took a quick glance at the blood in my left hand. Thank God, it was just a dream. It was so true that I thought I was still feeling the slash I got when trying to stop “her”. Who was she? She was the lady in red, with unkempt hair and a bloody knife in her hand, trying to kill me. Who was she with? A preggy woman in purple, a child, a few companion, all drunk, caroling outside our door.

With some of my dreams coming true, somehow in another form, I take my dreams somewhat seriously. I become so conscious of the things that are happening in my dream, especially those I know is not related to my present state of mind.

The 9/11, the Valentines day bombing, Daniel’s death and a whole lot more – they scare me. But I do believe that most of my dreams are mere representations of my present waking state.

I was stabbed, I was hurt, that dream was so full of emotions because it is such. The lady in red was the pain I am currently feeling, stabbing me, giving me pain. It couldn’t have another meaning other than that.

I am okay now. I hope so. I choose to be okay. It is just a matter of being more understanding. Seek first to understand then be understood.

Something that I missed

2006-01-26T09:43:00.000+08:00

Every more often I get reminiscence of my grade school years and it somehow gave me back the childhood joy, simple and fun.

My elementary years were superb. I got a taste of my first hand fight when I was on the third grade. If I could still remember it clearly, it was over a preferred seat in the classroom. We were waiting for the room to open when I picked the fight with Marinette. That was the first and only fist fight I had been into. I know she couldn’t forget it either but am sure she had forgiven me. We are still best friends.

In my first grade I used to sit in front of the class but was transferred by my teacher at the back, seated with a boy to prevent me from talking too much, but that just got my teacher frustrated. I was still the most talkative in the class. Funny memories from grade one includes the great escape of Kate when I jumped out of the window during an annual immunization. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of my teacher then.

My grandmother was my very own teacher in my second grade but that doesn’t exempt me from being disciplined under her very strict administration. I got my share of pinches in the ear and had knelt with arms stretch when we were told to gather stones for our rock garden. What happened? Of course, the “bida” went with her classmates to a distant beach to gather stones which took us over two hours to go back to class.

Fourth grade was a bit uninteresting. Maybe I started to grow up then. Instead of spending my time running in our school yard, I spent it more often collecting movie snips from newspapers to be rivaled with the best collection from my classmates. It was also the year when I just preferred playing marbles under our building that at one time I got my mom worried a great deal when at six o’clock I still wasn’t home for dinner. Of course the consequence was too much too bear. Maybe on that year I got withdrawn. I also escaped from a school program when I was tasked to recite a poem and just feigned sickness.

Life started to perk up again during the fifth and sixth grade. The fifth grade was full of horror stories because I had a classmate who seemed to have a third eye and was seeing things beyond a 10-year old imagination. It was also on that year that most of the girls in class experienced sexual harassment from a male school teacher. But I guess he didn’t have succeeded that far when his bad intentions raised controversy among the girls in our class and we all totally avoided him. How scary it could have been. Yaiks! Manyakis!

Grade six started as a frustrating year. Some of my classmates really wanted to be in Section A. However, middle of July a few of us were transferred to Section B. It was still homogenous then and it really mattered what section you were in. We cried then. But we could not blame our teacher for transferring us. They transferred us not because we were inferior. It was actually a consequence of what we did the previous grade and that was specifically choosing to enroll in Section B. We had our major reason then and they couldn’t condemn us also. The teacher in Section A for the fifth grade was really a well-known terrorist. She throws erasers and books to her pupils and it was what scared us the most. Well, it turned out that grade six wasn’t bad at all. And I proved it that it didn’t really matter what section you were in just to get the valedictory post.

There were also plenty of mishaps throughout my elementary life. At one time I was splattered with carabao droppings while playing under a mango tree. A classmate threw a huge centipede at me which really gave me the phobia since then. The most terrible was being pulled off my gartered skirt in front of my classmates.

But oh, childhood! Your memories are just soooo sweet and charming. I love the coco-leaf-swing which made me feel like flying in the air. Many times my back hit the trunk of the tree, or my body rolled down the hill when the leaves snapped but it was sooo much fun that I would do it again if I have the opportunity. I loved the rice cakes and I missed them. I simply adore the fun carefree feeling running in the fields chasing dragonflies and grasshoppers and getting soaked in the rain.

How I wish my Josh will get to experience the nicest feeling of growing up in the province where life is just so naïve and pure.

The Frustration

2006-01-22T09:24:00.000+08:00

Things were frustrating over the weekend. Something we all did not expect happened at work. It was frustrating for everyone. I almost cried in disbelief, I swear. I know I shouldn’t have let it ruin my week but I am allowing it to. My choice again. I am dispirited not because she is not qualified for the position. In terms of the quality of her work, she could well pass for the position, but it is beyond that.

Why am I anguished over something I don’t have control of? I was not up for the position, not yet, but, why like all other members of the team, was I frustrated over her promotion? I hope she gets to ask this question herself too.

But in all honesty, why am I aggrieved?

I am not sure. Maybe because I just don’t like to see her in the position. ( Help! Somebody stop me from pouring out my judgments! ) She, along with another supe, had become my source of frustration in the team since we started. She, being the pretentious helper, the latter being the second rate trying hard supe. Hahaha! See my post for the “Power Struggle”. I am talking about both of them there. I let them ruin my SA in December. I was rebelling then.

It was really a liberation when we were made part of the Tier 3 team and had our dedicated supe. And thank goodness he did not volunteer for the position way back then. I could have been in Dell now. That is the only consolation I have over her promotion. At least I will not be under her wing, not ever and over my dead toenails.

I have told my supe, I will never bend my ways and try to be “bibo” nor mabait just to get to the supe position. I am what I want to be. I will continue to spank the supervisor of the agents and the agents themselves, who are not doing well in their job. I don’t have to be a supervisor to do that. I had learned to love my team and being a pioneering batch I feel this is part of my calling to protect our integrity.

Sayonara?

2006-01-13T08:02:00.000+08:00

Today is the deadline of our on-boarding documents and schedule of picture taking for the Dell badge and I was still thinking of going earlier today but I have to stick to my decision to stay. With a heavy heart I wrote a letter to their HR in-charge declining their offer. What a pain in the heart though.

I know I will get over this feeling soon. I just don’t want to have remorse over not doing something. But this is my decision. It is neither right nor wrong, consequences are. But because I have “chosen” to stay I am ready for the consequences if there are any though I don’t see any coming. Just what if’s… What if most of my team mates leave PS this year? What if something comes up that will dissolve our team this year? What if Dell will transfer to Makati area this year?

No, no! I will not have regrets. I choose to stay. I am happy. I love my team.

If only i could have it all

2006-01-07T07:53:00.000+08:00

I started bidding goodbye to my team. A few already knew that I shall be handing in my resignation letter. I decided to formally tell my supe about it. Unfortunately I was not given his blessings. Instead he tried to talk me out to stay pointing out again the factors that have been in my list for a long time. Ahhh.. I had started to let go of them already as the day drew nearer but I got face to face with reality again. It left me sleepless for two nights (days actually), caught between those things that really matter plus my compassion for the team versus the opportunity for a better pay. But I realized that if I could have it all, I’d be the luckiest person on earth. It’s just not like that. I couldn’t have a better pay at Dell and enjoy all the other benefits that I had been getting at PS.

After two sleepless nights, I decided to stay for good. Thanks to my honey who finally cast his vote in favor of my decision. It was such a relief.

Mamingaw nga Pasko!

2005-12-25T18:10:00.001+08:00

Are Christmas eves getting gloomier each year?

I can remember our first Christmas here in Manila it was merry. There were plenty of fireworks around. New Year was merrier though, as expected.

This year’s Christmas was so dull that we only saw a few “kwitis” being lighted. Even Makati City only had a 3-minute fireworks display. Are people reserving the merry making for New Year’s eve or are budgets just too tight to waste them for temporary happiness?

For us, Christmas was just like those of the previous years. It’s been quite sometime that we had been spending the season on our own. Manileños have their traditional exchanging of gifts with their relatives and friends. We never had that tradition way back in the province. (Maybe because our neighborhood couldn’t afford it). The good side of it is, you will be getting plenty of gifts. The bad side of it is, you will be spending so much for gifts too because you will be shamed if you don’t give in return. Well, it happens just once a year but I hope in the future they will change that tradition and instead they will be buying and giving the gifts to those whom they do not expect to hand them something back – to the least fortunate. Haaay! What a bright world it would be!

I pity my father. He said he’s having the loneliest Christmas in his entire life – in the US! I can just imagine. If Christmas in the Philippines is dull, what more can we expect for Christmas in the US. As another Filipino in the states said, “it’s like todos los santos”. Papa said he never heard even just a single “putok”. What a pity!

On Tardiness

2005-12-02T20:31:00.000+08:00

It’s sad to note that I won’t be receiving a full performance bonus this month because of my ‘recent’ habitual tardiness and absenteeism. It just started with a 30-minute late and the whole month’s stats for attendance is already on the track to being doomed. At least now I am not dependent on it to get the best shift. That’s the privilege of being a special queue agent. Aha! So this means that my good schedule adherence for the past months was with a purpose? Of course, yes! Well, no. My absences were really reasonable. First I was really sick. Second, I was also sick. Hahaha! Nope, the second one was caused by my worthless yaya.

Now, it seems that I am branded as the ‘call in’ girl that I have to carry the remorse in my dreams. While sleeping this afternoon, I dreamt that I was getting late for work and it worries me a lot because I have kept my word not to be absent again. Gosh, it really hit me hard. I hope I will not more reasons to be absent this month. I can only hope.

High Blood!

2005-11-24T15:14:00.000+08:00

I felt blood rushing to my head and my heart pounding fast. I was too irritated that I am ready to give up the script I had prepared for casting out my househelp. This has now turned into an evil plan if that’s what you call it.

Okay, okay, it is just a sandal but for me it is beyond that. It is the ATTITUDE! I can’t bear one more day to have her in our home. I am losing all my senses out of rage for her lack of attitude.

I haven’t had a house-help as intolerable as her, promise. I am just too afraid to kick her ass out and have her live with her cousin as I do not know if there is evil in her heart. She might get back at us in her evil ways. I just hope not.

All I can say now is that tomorrow will be goodbye for her.

(Gee, I remember Shiela Batayola, my classmate in TDS. She loves firing yayas!)

Estoy Aburrida!

2005-11-24T09:04:00.000+08:00

It's so obvious that I've got less to do in my life today that I am able to spend time writing posts for my blog. Well, I was just able to get a good night sleep last night because I did not report for work as I called in sick. I was not feeling well a bit because I had my bouts of insomnia again despite having taken medication for cough which supposedly will make me feel drowsy. The exact opposite just happened and I had wasted my time with the toss and turns in bed thinking how I can get to sleep. That gave me a terrible day and I know that if I’m going to force myself to work, I would be very sick the next day.

Well, my S.A. (attendance in particular) had been worst this month with over 30 minutes of late already so I guess an additional day to it would not make it worst anymore because it already is… :)

I feel better now though I am still indulging in some tasty calamansi concentrate to get more fluid into my body. Sad to say I am not much of a water drinker so to take more liquid in, it has to be flavored. (sosyal!). And I am anticipating another restful night as we are off for the Thanksgiving Day, thanks to that!

Well, for now I seem not to mind anymore whether I will still get that perfect attendance. It’s hard when your heart is partly not in the team anymore. In short, as my luv would say it, “gasalig”.

So what am I suppose to do today?

Well, I started my day performing a typical housewife’s work – preparing breakfast and as soon as dad stepped out of the house, I was glued in front of the PC. I have to do it fast because the system administrator is still asleep. I started with a few Spanish online tutorial, played the addictive Xraye game (I’m sorry that I have to cheat to get to the next level), check some mails, chat with some friends while listening to some good music, and now, updating my blog.

You see, I really got plenty of things to do! Am busy, you know!

As soon as the master wakes up, am outta here. He thinks he owns this computer.

I have to see Nanay Niknik (watta name!) today. Oppss.. I still need to prepare the proposal. I better make it soon.

And gosh, I still have to buy that plane ticket for dad and catch up some more sleep later. I’d be really busy today! :-)

Grrrr.......

2005-11-23T13:39:00.000+08:00

I can't wait for next week to tell my household help that I have to fire her :( Well, I am breaking it to her in a very nice and dramatic way. Whaah! Dramatic because I have to create a drama so she will not feel mad that I have to kick her ass out of the house. I am just too afraid that she might do something unpleasant if I will just tell her directly that I can no longer tolerate her yuckiness and laziness :(

At least the two months chance I have given her is more than enough for me to suffer from heart attack. Hahaha! I really haven't gotten across somebody just as irritating as her. Gosh! So what am I ranting when I am letting her go? Well, la lang.

Well, at least I would be happy soon. She's just too much to bear! Karin... san mo ba napulot to? Arrggghhh!

Initial D

2005-11-20T13:33:00.000+08:00

The Initial D-cision

I thought it was going to be a quite easy decision but then again I was wrong. There are some things that need to be considered. But as of now, I am really happy that I made it. The interview was not really that tough as most of the questions are just practical applications of what I have learned. Though I was not able to thoroughly answer some of the questions, I guess being totally honest about it has what made me through. Not all techie people and people who had the needed experience in call centers made it. To be selected is really a privilege, so to say.

What's confusing me is not really the package at all because I believe in my heart that those who will make it will be rewarded accordingly. The present package is equally good. What's holding me back is the thought of leaving the comfort zone of what I am currently doing.

It is difficult to trade the leniency of my current work to the hassled and hurried world of inbound technical support. I should know as I have several friends taking inbound calls. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how comfortable I had become being lazy at work.

However, at the time of this writing I have made my decision already. I have complied with their requirements already and almost ready to leave my present work. I just have to accomplish some personal goals before I go. It would soon be goodbye. I hate to think about it. I hate to say goodbye to friends but I am as well excited to say hello to new ones. I am taking this to new heights.

(Well, now at least it feels good to know that one of our trainers is on the same ship also :)

The Power Struggle

2005-11-14T13:22:00.000+08:00

I guess this is my only chance to pour out all my aversion against some power struggle in our team. I couldn’t talk to anyone about this in the office as I do not want to stir up anyone’s sanity.

Some people are just so insecure and hungry for credit and power. They think that being senior in terms of tenure means that they know a lot already. They want to be always acknowledged that they are good, they are in power and they are still Tier 2 when in fact they are not. They want special powers, special permissions and even blatantly asking if they have one. They hated the idea that some people are just better than them. They forgot that they started altogether in the new skill set. They purposely sometimes make remarks as if to provoke these individuals who they think is trying to steal the limelight.

And why am I able to say this? Because I felt I have become their victim and I can’t stand it. I do not hunger for credit, I do not want it either. I do my work well without expecting anything in return. I do it as part of my personal calling and if I do it well, it is because I do not want to retire at the end of the day and become accountable for what I have not done. I never want a substandard work and I expect the same from other people. I am too shy to receive credit for anything I have done well and yet, other people are just too hungry about it.

I maybe very vocal about ideas and opinions because I felt that my superiors are not open minded. They tend to not bear anyone who question procedures. They are too full of pride not to admit mistakes and are always on the brink of proving that they are right and oftentimes admit their mistakes through memos they issue at a later date. Duh! Mga hambog!

This makes me want to leave the team soon. This is the first time after one year here that I have thoughts of leaving the company. When things are no longer healthy, the best thing to do is to swim out of it rather than stay and continue swimming against the tide.

Just as soon as the 13th month is released I will be spending time for the next career move.

(Hah! Since it is this easy to go job hopping in the call center industry, this makes me wanna do this.. Yahooooo!)

Will it soon be goodbye?

2005-11-13T08:34:00.000+08:00

Two more days and this is getting exciting for me. I hope by then I will know if I will be jumping ship by next year or not. I am too excited for this. Of course, nobody knows how excited I am but my family. Even if some of my colleagues know that I am pursuing this second opportunity, I never showed them that I am too excited to get out of my present job. What they know is I am just trying my luck and trying to test the waters if the compensation package is good. But deep in my heart, failure to make it to the final interview would be a big disappointment for me.

Why?

Am I expecting a bigger compensation package from them? Yes, of course, otherwise I will not even think about it. I would be lying if I would deny that it is one of the major reasons I am even thinking about it. A 25% difference in net pay is already a lot.

Is it my only reason?

No. Although that is my first consideration.

So what are my other reasons?

Kinda hard to explain. Hard ba? Yes, because, the team I am into is what everyone wants to be part of. With some petiks time -- oh, sometimes not just “some petiks time” but “so much petiks time”-- who would not want to become part of it? Everyone out there who knows what we are doing in our job will envy us. I for sure am enjoying that fact. Naloloka naba ako? Ang saya saya nga non!

But sometimes, it just gets too boring.

The job in itself is backend processing with some outbound calls to customers or vendors. It is relatively easy and sometimes just requires common sense. After like 2-3 months of doing it, you can perform your task with eyes closed. Just like my “teller-ing” work before. There are no technical skills required, just simply common sense and good communication skills (which you will use when you contact customers and vendors). This is where I feel stagnant. I am not learning anything more, nothing more to add to my appetite to further improve my technical abilities. My brain is starting to rust.

Aside from that, I hate to see the power struggle in this new team. I do respect that they are our superiors in terms of the positions they are holding but they are not superior in terms of knowledge about the task or the skill set. We all started with the same knowledge base. Yet, they are always out there to prove something else every time an agent question a procedure. Crap! I thought I was over with this. I should post all these power struggle observation in another post.

So that’s it! They are some of the major reasons why I am thinking of moving to another center by next year. But there are still a few good reasons why I would still stay.

October 12-17

2005-11-11T12:57:00.000+08:00

This is laziness:

10.12.05

Now I panicked, this is the second time I had nosebleed from last week. I visited the clinic during my shift and inquired some causes for nose bleeding. The nurse mentioned one is hypertension so to my curiosity I had my BP taken and boy, it was 130/90.

10.13.05

Now the worst, I am having flu. Second day of BP-taking and it was 130/70. When I checked my records earlier, I had only 110/70 during the annual PE. I have to get a one-week record to establish facts.

10.14.05

Yeheey, payroll day. The nurse is absent today. I am feeling worst from flu. I have to file a PTO for Monday for surely I’m going to be very sick. Indeed, I was!

10.15.05

Of course, instead of sleeping, me and my loves went to Market!Market! to buy stuff from Ace hardware using our credit memo from the sewing machine. We got a can of paint and plenty of other stuff for the lipat-bahay thingy. And yeah, I ended up getting sicker, sickest I guess that I have to sleep pretty early.

10.16.05

Despite not feeling well, I still manage to wake up early as I got very excited. Painted the cabinet’s and windows at auntie’s place. Boy, it was indeed very tiring.. super duper tiring! But it’s great to see your work of art at the end of the day.

10.17.05

I have to see the doctor today as promised to myself and so as not to defeat the purpose of having a paid time-off (pto). Well, the doctor was so kind to tell me that I’m perfectly fine despite my physical difficulty of speaking due to sore throat and recommended nothing except plenty of water and rest. Hmnn.. great. BP is regular.

From the doctor's office, I walked my way to Smart Wireless center to apply for wi-fi, dropped by some bodega sale and bought some utensils, went to the office to leave the locker key for Vi, went to Market!Market! again to buy ink for printer and some bond paper. When I reach home, I started painting again. Whew!

10.18.05

I have had my day of "konsimi" from my YY. To this day, I have promised to myself that I will be getting rid of her. She will only be up to one month. I have all the reason to dispose of her… hehehe! So evil! But I would not want anymore month of her.. period! Better get a stay-out help. I would not mind paying the same or more for less hassle. Whew again! No need to justify my act. I need my privacy back!

Insomnia

2005-10-11T16:51:00.000+08:00

If it is true that lack of sleep can cut down some years on a person’s life, then if I'm suppose to live a hundred years, now it's down to 50. For a year since I started working in a call center, I had always been into the graveyard shift. The latter part of the one year vampire mode left me with no more than 6 hours of straight sleep each day. I am even lucky enough if I can get 6 hours of broken sleep. Keeping the room dark to simulate night, most of the time does not help. Getting a househelp did help, but still, getting 6 hours of sleep each day is a dilemma. I’m starting to think that I already am insomniac. They say that drinking hot milk helps but I guess a bonamine tablet would be better. Though am thinking of it, I would not want to start doing it as I might get addicted.

My present state leaves me off to thinking about moving into other departments which offer more shift options. But this only gives me the challenge to move to other call centers instead. If I have to move into another rep position, I’d better be in one that pays better and offers more income opportunity.

- - - - - - - -
Well, if in the next few hours I would only be spending it twisting and turning in bed and exhausting my mind, I would better get myself on the go and start exploring other possibilities. Aha! I really have so much to do that I had not done in the past months.

- - - - - - - -
Opening a bank account for my Josh? Oh well, maybe will do it next week when I have the resources.

Smart Wi-Fi? Will I go to their office now and fill out an application form? I’m having second thoughts about it as it is an additional expense. Tsk! But it will not cost me a thing to have the information whether we are serviceable or not and it can only be done if I fill out an application form.

If I’d be going to Smart today, then I better drop by at PBCom and check that call center which a friend says offers 35K as basic pay. Boy, that’s big! I don’t mind if they have 30 tools to use.

------------------
Oh well, what happened today was that I went to Market!Market! instead and returned the sewing machine that is sub-standard. Good thing Ace never insist and agreed to have the product replaced by other items coz I’m definitely not gonna get another JML item again.. maybe except for Spotless. So instead am thinking of getting cans of paint or linoleum for the floor.

Went home at around 3PM hoping to get sleepy when I reach home. Well, the expected happened and even if I turned on the aircon still can’t sleep. Might as well make my time productive. Tried some cleaning solutions at auntie’s unit. Of course, I would not want to exhaust myself so here I am writing trying to let time pass by.

Jehu does not suggest that I find another job to solve this sleep disorder but instead find a medical remedy first. Well, good idea. Then maybe bonamine or valium will work. Hmnn… I’m gonna become the future drug dependent.

DoomsDay Part2

2005-08-10T17:31:00.000+08:00

The shortly awaited major change in our team has finally been announced yesterday. This time, it was kind of sweet to the human ear as 30 of us plus 3 supes will be transferred to a pioneering team. Without second thoughts, no bits of hesitation and no single convincing needed, I volunteered right away as the schedule it offers is appealing and the opportunity is good.

What is sad is that, one of my favorite supes who volunteered was turned down by management and he will remain in the email team. It gets me restless as we both believe that the future of the email team is dim. Knowing his pessimism, I know this is a big blow on him.

My decision so far, unaltered and unadulterated, will remain firm - I am going 'voice' and as opportunity presents itself already, there is no need to move to another company as earlier thought of.

------------------------------

I have a very disturbing dream today. I heard fire trucks blowing their sirens as a fire broke out just nearby from where I was. People were in panicked and heard them shouting that there were dead people already. I realized that the fire was just in the next building from where I was standing. I called out for Josh and grabbed him and ran for safety. However, I have not seen Jehu. Watching from afar, I saw people going through the ashes looking for charred bodies. Still not finding where Jehu is, I panicked again and started to cry. People pointed me out to the remains of a man's body which they thought was him. Looking at the shoes of the man gave me hope as I believe it was not him. I was already crying out hysterically as plenty of people died in that accident and was afraid he was one of them. A sigh of relief came when he appeared from nowhere, slightly injured but very much alive. More sigh of relief when I woke up and found out it was just one of those bad dreams.

I am just praying I am not seeing future events again unfolding in my dreams.

Quarter Life Crisis

2005-08-10T01:31:00.000+08:00

~from an unknown source:

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis”. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and what you do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try to cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed wonder why you cannot meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe they love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topic because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Dreams808

2005-08-08T13:45:00.001+08:00

Just another series of wild dreams from the creative mind of the author.

I was convinced that no mosquito has bitten me during my sleep today, much more not on my heel but I was itching so much on those places in my sleep. To my horror, I found out that those mosquitos were not from the outside from the inside. The inside of my body, my heels and foot in particular. As they come out and emerge from my feet, they produces itchiness.

Then because of that I was exorcised by a man who looked familiar but whom I could not identify who. Ano ako possessed? But anyhow, while he was exorcising, he was pushing my back which gave me so much pain. I was trying to scream in my sleep from the pain but I couldn't hear my voice. After a long struggle, I was freed and the next scene I know was they were looking for some infestations in our area.

There was digging and more diggings until they found different carcasses including that of a gigantic rodent and a man. Yaiks! Na naman! Another horrid dream.

Jehu paid the man a thousand bucks for that.

Hmn, I hope the dream does not mean anything. Not related to future events that's gonna happen. God forbids!

On a lighter note, I found some nice place in my dream. A pool which our neighbor built with waters so clear.

Waters in dreams, they say, signifies emotions. In my whole life, water has always been the constant object in my dreams. When it is clear, it means I am at peace and attune to my present emotions. I believe so.

That's what Friends are for!

2005-08-07T04:22:00.000+08:00

A few days more to go and we will be celebrating our first year anniversary in the company. Time seems to pass by so quickly. This is so far the best corporate year I ever had after 5 long years. That is because this is so far the best job (though not the best paying job) that I ever have in terms of work load and pressure. It is incomparable considering what I went through as a banker and a human resource practitioner.

This is the only job that has enabled me to balance both family and work not compromising one for the other. This is why PS rocks!

In my 12 months stay, I have developed close and not so close friendship. Maybe because I am very selective with whom I associate with.

Just like the UBP days! Gosh!

The UBP times was the best in terms of friendship. That was the most solid friendship I ever had (next to YM). Without them, life would be so damn dull and hectic. It was the most pressured work by experience, so without those people, I would have been dead eight years ago. It was kinda sad when each of us has to go on our separate ways first by individual marriages then when we were scattered into the operations department then finally, by migration.

I could still recall those Cebu Plaza or Sacred Hearts nights when we would waddle in the pool at night and eat lumi afterwards - or the Tambuli and White Sand days when we would walk around the beach in our swimming suit. Goodness! I am pretty sure it would be hard to do that now without facing so much shame. There are too much memories to mention but each is carefully embedded in my heart. How I miss their company!

But as life moves on, we meet other people, other deserving people. People whom we can never forget. People who also become part of our lives and who also occupy spaces in our hearts. I am thankful that I was able to have and keep them.

Time may pass by so quickly but each year will be joyfully remembered. It is because of them - FRIENDS!

Temporary Assignment

2005-08-01T00:58:00.000+08:00

That's life!

Temporary. Borrowed. Transient.

We are living on borrowed time. It is foolish to think that everything is under our control because it is not.

I may want to believe that the Lord will grant me a long life but how can I exactly tell that I will live that long to see my child grow old? How can I exactly tell that I will grow old with my husband or he will grow old with me? There is no way.

When the Lord calls me or my loved ones home, who am I to say no? Who am I to stop it from happening?

Fear.

So much fear in my heart.

Dreams Recounted

2005-08-01T00:39:00.001+08:00

My head was so heavy today. I was not able to sleep the whole day which I attributed to the caffeine overload I had the previous night. The culprit was the new vendo machine plus the whole time that we did nothing but chat and laugh. Our email system was down so we resorted to constant coffee breaks.

It was suppose to be Sunday, my day of rest because someone can take my place in watching over my babe. However, today was just not the same. When I forcefully woke up after being an unrestful sleep, a morbid thought flashed. Our team will be mourning for someone who died.

My day went on until I arrive in the office only to be greeted with a very shocking news. One of our team members died in a vehicular accident Sunday dawn. I quiver to the bones as a recalled the thought that occured to me earlier. How can that be?

I then recounted a dream I had on Friday morning (of course I sleep during daytime). I was in a small room (probably a rest room) made of wood along the side of a hill when suddenly thousands of bats came flying toward the area. As I was trying to hold on to the door of the room, I saw a big tornado coming. What was worst with the tornado was that it looked like an alien. I then sought refuge on the rocks along the hillside. I was almost hit by the passing tornado.

When I looked on the right side of the hill, I saw a truck or somehow a vehicle that looks like one and a car following it when suddenly the truck was somehow backing out overrunning the car. I wanted to scream at the sight but I saw that the car was now on top of a parked car slowly slipping down the snowy area. A sight difficult to describe that if I only know how to draw, I can vividly sketch it. The driver was a lady.

The next scene I was standing beside a male friend as we were talking what he did when the tornado passed by. End of the dream.

What scared me as I recounted the dream was the interruption I got from one of my teammates. I was told that Daniel's car indeed hit a car that was backing out. End of story.

This has not happened the first time. This is the reason why it scares me to the bone if I have dreams like that. The 911 tragedy, the Edsa bus bombing and a whole lot more.

Dreams. Warnings. Emotions.

Huh!

Gratitude

2005-07-31T01:08:00.000+08:00

About a month ago we were invited to the birthday party of my childhood friend's son who was turning two. We went to a mountain resort in Antipolo. While we were in my friend's house waiting for the ride, I couldn't help but think how some people are just lucky financially. They were not really rich but it just occured to me that amongst our circle of friends, few really got lucky to be considered stable when it comes to their finances. Unfortunately, we are not among them. Although we are not really in a state of financial depression, it is still a struggle for us to become financially independent.

As the day was about to end, my friend's husband who was already drunk went out of himself and became a raving lunatic for reasons only known to him. The celebration turned into a disaster that even Barney (the decor on the cake) for sure got his share of terror when it was smashed on the floor.

It was then that I realized I have so much to thank the Lord for. I felt saddened that I envied other people's financial status because I failed to look at the great blessing that I already have. When I look at my family I couldn't say more. I already have a loving and kind husband and a very wonderful and intelligent boy. They are worth more than any material reward I can have on earth. Having them in my life is already too much to ask for.

The List

2005-07-30T22:17:00.000+08:00

A sigh of relief that the "list" was finally released and my name was not in there. A temporary moment of rejoicing while anticipating more changes in the coming months or even weeks.

I am not dreading the thought of going into a voice account. I am afraid of having to be in an account where I cannot have the flexibility when it comes to scheduled shifts. That is one obvious reason why I cling on to the present.

Anticipation Anxiety

2005-07-25T05:12:00.000+08:00

Maybe that's how you call it especially when you are anticipating the uncertain.

Uncertainties at work is slowing creeping up everyone's spine now except for those who had made up their minds already on where they would wanna go. In a few days time, part of the team will go. I can only hope that I will not be among them. I wish to stay not because I am afraid to move on. Infact, should I choose to embrace change voluntarily, it would be to my advantage. A new learning experience, a better chance to improve my skills. But no, not this time while I am anticipating other things.

Come what may! I will take things to new heights whatever is the outcome of all these anticipation moments.

In Mysterious Ways

2005-07-24T01:37:00.000+08:00

Ah... it's been more than a year already. I could only breath a sigh of relief that I was able to survive what I consider the toughest year in my life. Indeed, a series of unfortunate events!

May 27, 2004 - I was crying hysterically in the conference room in our office with two of my best friends (co-managers) comforting me, obviously not knowing what to say. It was the day I felt for the first time what others call "the whole world crushing on you" experience. I can only affirm. Weeks before that some crisis had already started. I learned I was a co-dependent. Those who had been there know what I meant by the term. And on that day, the 27th of May, another burden was laid upon my shoulder. Needless to say, I went home that day, weeping and with a great question in my heart - WHY? Why all at the same time? Why now?

Now I had understood that they were part of the series of those unfortunate events. It happened to complete the story.

Nobody could completely understand what I went through this same time of the year last year. Not even those people whom I shared the story with. Not even those people whom I share the pain with. It was like armageddon.

But it was not the end of the world as I thought. It was the beginning of a greater pain. The pain of being co-dependent.

Every day was excruciatingly painful. Every time I woke up, I wish I never did. I was torn between giving up and having hope, the former, the stronger force. Everything was in a dark tunnel. Everything. Everyday was a living hell.

Restless. Depressed. Hopeless. In agony. Those words were not even enough to describe how I felt.

After over four months of full struggle, things started to fall into their right places. I could not decipher how. I don't even know how I survived. There is only one thing I am sure. It wasn't the work of man. I am not even sure if it was our faith.. but for certain, it has something to do with Divine powers.

I am still filled with awe and wonder.

He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way!

The Legend Behind the Code

2005-07-17T04:56:00.001+08:00

It has evolved through the years.

A high school friend's name is Aking. When he became my boyfriend, he gave me my codename, Ikang. When my college friends discovered a letter I received from him, they started teasing me by that name. So be it! My yearbook team shortcut it to Ikz. Since then I was Ikang to my college buddies and Ikz to my J10 buddies. Ikx came out when I misspelled a username name I created.

Many people had asked me why Ikz or Ikx. It's history. It's unique. It's me.

Memories of J10

2005-07-17T04:56:00.000+08:00

I was surprised to have that name popped up on my mind. I have forgotten about it already. It's been years.

I have forgotten what it originally meant. To me it is something else. It means the 10th of July.

Linabo Days!

Eleven years have passed. The memory is still fresh. The friendship is still stable. The love is still strong.

How can I forget that day when I ran away from the hustle of the city and decided to spend the night in the mountain with all male friends. Gosh! Good they did not rape me, else they will all fall into that deep cliff beside our tent.

It was fun, so much fun. It was chilling cold. It was drizzling and windy yet the view of the city was overwhelming.

It was the night.

The next day, there was love in the air already. Nobody knew. Nobody felt it. Weeks later they could not believe it. They were frustrated.

All the while I thought they were happy but they were actually frustrated.

I couldn't believe it they were. It gives me laughs.

Dezperate Blogger

2005-07-17T04:55:00.001+08:00

No. I am not.

Infact, blogging was in not in my language. I thought all the while that it invades privacy. Until I got across the blogsite of a friend and I realize that it does not have to be public like those which are in Friendster. And even if it does, they don't know me anyway.

So, I was inspired to create one, to back-up my journal which I just scribble on any piece of paper I pick up and those which were in my personal computer.

But I am a desperate writer, I admit, because I envy those people who have or still have the ingenuity for writing. I have lost mine a few years back.

I only tend to write when either when I am depressed or confused.

Now, it's different. I am more confused.

God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The Tibetan Test

2005-07-17T01:28:00.000+08:00

Interesting Test.

These are my results.

1. Priorities - Family, Love, Pride, Career, Money
2. I see myself as a friend. I see my spouse as lazy. I see my enemies as a menace. I see sex as pampagising. I see my life as a journey.
3. Lani - someone I will never forget; Mama - my true friend; Jehu - someone that I really love; Joshua - my twin soul; Cathy Z - someone I will remember for the rest of my life.

My Josh

2005-07-17T01:27:00.000+08:00

It was supposed to be Sean but it was less christian so we opted for Joshua. Now we realized that it was the most common name in his generation. Nonetheless, no regrets.

He is an angel. The most caring, sensitive, sweet little angel that I know of. Of course, he does not inherit it from his Mom. We are just the opposite. But opposites attract. We are best friends. We can talk at his level or at our level.

We talk about death, life, finances. He takes part in planning for our future.

He dreams a lot. He wants to get rich... very rich.. so he can be Batman.

He installs his own software - one thing I hate. I keep uninstalling, he keeps reinstalling things. He knows where to find serial numbers. He knows how to crack files. He spies on my password. Urggh! So, I opted to give him a freehand in computer. He even operates his Dad's AutoCAD.

Yet, he is so serious when it comes to his studies. Hope it does not wane.

The Visit

2005-07-16T23:45:00.001+08:00

They are my regular visitors. My grandfather, my cousin and my grandmother. One thing in common - they are all dead. They say that when your dead visits you, they don't usually talk to you.

True. But at least, I got to hug my cousin.

They have their own ways of showing up. My grandfather visits me in our old house. My grandmother takes me back to the house in Cebu. Encounters with my cousins are, on the other hand, mostly emotional.

I know they need me.. they need my prayers.May they rest in peace.