Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Singapore or Philippines

Mylab’s move to Singapore has become a great opportunity for us to live outside the Philippines. A country where it's not too far to come home to when needed. The past decade, out of desperation, MY personal orientation was to migrate to Canada, Australia or New Zealand but that opportunity never came, instead, Dad got an oversees assignment in Russia.

Now, comes the Singapore opportunity where travel is just a mere three hours agony and fare is not hard on the pocket, Dad got pressured as Mom got excited to grab the opportunity to make Singapore a second home. Well, I have my reasons, I always have reasons for things that I like. I think I've finally found my dream place. I won't look anywhere else. I won't even go further where you can hardly go home to your family because of distance and cost of travel.



Singapore is a relatively small city/nation/state with over 4 million people of diverse race. Cost of living is high especially on housing and food but which can be compensated by other benefits one will get in terms of safety, cleanliness and discipline. Crime rate is very low. You can take a walk even in dimly lighted places without having to fear being held-up or snatched of your bag or stabbed by crazy individuals. Their people are disciplined. Laws are strictly imposed and voluntarily being followed as it has seem gotten into the system of every individual. Mass transit such as busses and trains are very effective and well organized. If you are used to the chaotic transport system in the Philippines where you can have the convenience of flagging down a bus or jeepney at any point, you will find it tiring the first time walking to the nearest bus stop in Singapore as you won’t have a choice. Believe me, you will get used to it after you see its convenient side. There are no noisy streets. Hardly you will hear a bus or car blow its horn. Their busses don't emit dirty carbon monoxide on your face when you are on the street. Traffic routes are very organized and you will not see busses swerving here and there overtaking each other or stopping at the center of the highway to pick up a passenger. Private car owners are very disciplined as well. They don’t stop anywhere to drop off their passengers. They do it near bus stop areas too.



In terms of cleanliness, perhaps not even the cleanest city in the Philippines can bet Singapore's cleanliness. The air is not polluted. The streets, anywhere you go are clean. Overpass and walkways don't stink of urine. Creeks are clean and free of garbage. Trees are all around.



People are disciplined. You will not get neighbors like the ones I have back in Manila who thinks they are the only ones in the neighborhood singing their hearts out on videoke day and night that you can hardly watch television because you wont hear anything but their singing prowess. Safety is not an issue as Singapore has very low crime rate and there are no gang wars at night right down your building.



Yes, cost of living is high but the security and health of my dearly beloved ones (especially the small ones) is what matters most. Living in Singapore would be a dream come true for us.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Burn Out

I realized that since my last post (June 2007), I had gotten so busy with kitchen works. The reason why I had set aside my personal and family life which I want to redeem soon... very very soon. I want to be hands on with my sons again. Lately when my little boy cries at night he calls his yaya. It never happened to Kuya despite me being a corporate mom that time. I don't want my little boy to be running to his yaya for comfort when sad. I want him to run to Mommy and call Mommy's name. I maybe full time at home now, but I am not 100% with my sons. I want to redeem my place in their hearts. I want to make an emotional deposit again. Had been making too many emotional withdrawals lately.

Saturday, May 31, 2008

Illiterate Pulubi

Just a minute ago, a badjao knocked on the door with an envelop in her hand. The note on the envelop says:

"Ako po ay isang Badjao Tae, humihingi po ako ng tulong sa inyo. Sinungaling po ako. Salamat po."

I don't know if I'll be amused or annoyed. I presume they are the "no read, no write" authentic-badjao-dayo and they probably asked help from someone else to write the message on the envelop.

I just regret I wasn't able to take pictures of that envelop. I rushed outside to call her back but she was fast gone.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Self Management

Yes, not time management is the answer to this seemingly endless time issues battling inside my head. Issues on how I can juggle my time being a mother and temporarily a father too, of my two boys constantly demanding my attention and attending to the demands of my growing number of fans :p (hehehe I am so amused by that statement).

When I was working, I spent 10 hours a day, 5 and sometimes 6 days a week at work away from my family yet no one seemed to complain and I was healthy. There was even a period that we did not have any househelp, I was working night shifts and when I got home in the morning, prepared my Joshua for school, washed some dishes, did some cleaning, slept a little and back to work again. That went on for two straight years. I never got sick aside from common colds and cough. My Josh was at the top of his class then.

But I had dreams. It was my long time dream to be a stay at home mom and a full time wife and when I got pregnant with Joseph and hubby got a good financial opportunity, I was very lucky to have finally fulfill that dream. That's what I thought so. I don't know what has gotten into me that I started to find hobbies that I could do while tabebe was still small. I started selling ukay ukays but only got stressed out from too much physical exertion. After about 6 months, I enrolled in beadcraft workshop and had so much fun making accessories. I started posting my work in a social networking site but not too many noticed them although I have sold quite a plenty to my friends and relatives. I didn't really mind, I wasn't into serious money-making business.

Then at one point, I started to bake. I have my mom's old trusted recipes to try so it wasn't a problem. I thought that a cake would be too big for a small family so I started experimenting on cupcakes using the cake recipes I have. I sell some to our neighbors and some at my son's school. I never really thought that cupcakes were already a hit. How would I know, I don't dine out hehehe. I thought taking pictures of the cupcakes would be fun. I then opened a Multiply site to post the pictures of my cupcakes. That gave birth to Simply Kate's. I didn't really expect people to notice it especially that I don't have a network yet.

Unexpectedly, orders came in and they just keep coming in. Now, I have a big problem, some say happy problem... I can't handle them anymore and my time for my family has suffered. I know this is my own fault as I don't know how to say no. Now, I keep telling myself, this is not what I wanted when I quit work. This was not what I dreamed of. This was not even part of the plan. But I am not quitting. I guess I just need to manage myself another way to cope up with the challenges of being a mother and the growing needs of this little business.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

It's Hard to Say No

I never anticipated that turning down orders is this difficult. I feel like closing my doors for blessings that are supposedly coming in. But I just got to say NO with a heavy heart. I just have to keep in mind how my body screamed for rest during those days when I only get 4 hours of sleep every single night. This is the time to cover up from too much sleep debt.

To give importance to the most important persons and things in life, I have to make a decision. When I quit work, I just wanted to be a mother and wife. That was my lifelong dream that as soon as we could afford it, I grabbed the opportunity to fulfil that dream. But I somehow twisted my fate by getting myself into a hobby that turned into a growing business. This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expected to happen. Now I'm confused whether I'd want to give this more opportunity to grow or just leave it to die a natural death by not taking in more of it. Now, I feel guilty whenever I wanted to stop. Many people are looking for opportunity to earn more income but couldn't find one and here I am wanting to quit with already that opportunity in my hand enough to make me feel guilty.

I am soon hiring my aunt's former househelp and I am hoping that loads will lighten up a bit. Somebody can do the procurement, clean up, basic baking and perhaps delivery for me and I will be left with just cake decorating. I can't foresee yet how it will turn out. We'll see in the next two months. For now, I just got to rest.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Mga Nakaka Bad Trip Today

Some days aren't just perfect. First, it was sooo hot today that taking those taxi cabs isn't just worth it. Lugi sa pamasahe considering that their airconditioners almost don't work, especially when you go out on high noon. Unless you take those new taxi units, expect the worst. The next time I go out, I should bring a fan.

I went to SweetCraft to present to them the end product of their marshmallow and brought a little sample of the one made from the other brand. Unfortunately, April, the Manager wasn't there. Second trip would be to the dermatologist, the long overdue appointment. I decided to go to Makati Med instead of The Medical City since there is a nearer Fitness First in the former.

Bad trip na naman. Does being an old hospital an excuse to smell sooo so badly? Sa entrance palang, di ko maintindihan, a mix of strong lysol and "CR" smell greeted me. So amoy hospital na ewan. Is it just me? Kaartehan lang ba talaga? I am so used to Medical City where it is so clean, parang hotel. And OMG, in Makati Med, you will get to meet and greet patients on stretcher sa lobby and alley. Para akong nasusufocate, ang liliit pa ng mga daanan and so daming nakahilirang mga pasyente tapos ang baba pa ng ceiling... Haaaay... My apologies if ganito ako ka sensitive at kaarte. Sorry to all who patronizes Makati Med but it's a painful reality. I hope that new building which will supposedly house the doctors' offices will greatly help and I hope all the renovation going on in the hospital will help. They will lose out to competition. Okay, enough of that.

I was happy to get to the Medicard office only to find out that the doctor will be in by 3PM pa. Okay, okay, I hate waiting, isa pa yan sa kaartehan ko... but got no choice. While waiting for the doc, I decided to go find some lunch. Tiniis ko na naman ang sobrang init ng araw and went to Jollibee Convergys, ordered a burger and an ice craze with special instruction, twice repeated to the cashier..."less ice, please"... only to get a cup so full of it. I always want my halo halo or ice craze with kunting ice because I don't want some liquid spilling out of my cup when I mix it... and I don't want to be eating too much ice kasi... kaartehan na naman. Good thing, I was kinda mabait and decided to let go of it and enjoyed my meal, nonetheless. I went back to the doctors clinic and waited for another hour. My great consolation? Nakatulog ako ng mahaba-haba.

To cut the story shorter, I dropped by Market Market to buy some groceries and went home. Walang pila sa taxi, I can't believe it! Got so excited that instead of taking a jeepney, took a cab. Kainis kala ko tapos na mga ka bad tripan, humabol pa ung taxing un. Naman kasi, nag taxi pa. Got on a Kia Pride na ang luwag sa loob, di naman mabaho and di naman mainit... nainis lang ako sa driver. Hay, sabagay naiintidihan ko naman bakit talagan kelangan humingi ng dagdag sa pasahe. Mahal na daw ng gasolina. Kahit sampu lang daw. Nainis ako not because I dont want to give. I always give extras to every cab I take. Ang ayoko lang yong hinihingan ako, nagbibigay naman ako ng kusa.

Haay talaga, mga kaartehan ko sa buhay.

Saturday, March 29, 2008

To All Those Born in the 50's, 60's and 70's

(Just a repost from an email I received, so nice, so true)

First, some of us survived being born to mothers who did not have an OB-Gyne and drank San Miguel Beer while they carried us.

While pregnant, they took cold or cough medicine, ate isaw, and didn't worry about diabetes.

Then after all that trauma, our baby cribs were made of hard wood covered with lead-based paints, pati na yung walker natin, matigas na kahoy din at wala pang gulong.

We had no soft cushy cribs that play music, no disposable diapers (lampin lang), and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, no kneepads , sometimes wala pang preno yung bisikleta.

As children, we would ride in hot un-airconditioned buses with wooden seats (yung JD bus na pula), or cars with no airconditioning & no seat belts (ngayon lahat may aircon na)

Riding on the back of a carabao on a breezy summer day was considered a treat. (ngayon hindi na nakakakita ng kalabaw ang mga bata)

We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle purchased from 711 ( minsan straight from the faucet or poso)

We shared one soft drink bottle with four of our friends, and NO ONE actually died from this. Or contacted hepatitis.

We ate rice with star margarine, drank raw eggs straight from the shell, and drank sofdrinks with real sugar in it (hindi diet coke), but we weren't sick or overweight kasi nga......

WE WERE ALWAYS OUTSIDE PLAYING!!

We would leave home in the morning and play all day, and get back when the streetlights came on. Sarap mag patintero, tumbang preso , habulan at taguan.

No one was able to reach us all day ( di uso ang cellphone , walang beepers ) . And yes, we were O.K.

We would spend hours building our wooden trolleys (yung bearing ang gulong) or plywood slides out of scraps and then ride down the street , only to find out we forgot the brakes! After hitting the sidewalk or falling into a canal (sewage channel) a few times, we learned to solve the problem ourselves with our bare & dirty hands .

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 100 channels on cable, no DVD movies, no surround stereo, no IPOD's, no cell phones, no computers, no Internet, no chat rooms, and no Friendsters....... ...WE HAD REAL FRIENDS and we went outside to actually talk and play with them!

We fell out of trees, got cut, broke bones and teeth and there were no stupid lawsuits from these accidents. The only rubbing we get is from our friends with the words..masakit ba ? pero pag galit yung kalaro mo,,,,ang sasabihin sa iyo..beh buti nga !

We played marbles (jolens) in the dirt , washed our hands just a little and ate dirty ice cream & fish balls. we were not afraid of getting germs in our stomachs.

We had to live with homemade guns " gawa sa kahoy, tinali ng rubberband , sumpit , tirador at kung ano ano pa na puedeng makasakitan..pero masaya pa rin ang lahat.

We made up games with sticks ( syatong ), and cans ( tumbang preso )and although we were told they were dangerous, wala naman tayong binulag o napatay.paminsan minsan may nabubukulan lang.

We walked, rode bikes, or took tricycles to a friend's house and knocked on the door or rang the bell, or just yelled for them to jump out the window!

Mini basketball teams had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't pass had to learn to deal with the disappointment. Wala yang mga childhood depression at damaged self esteem ek-ek na yan. Ang pikon, talo.

Ang magulang ay nandoon lang para tignan kung ayos lang ang mga bata, hindi para makialam at makipag-away sa ibang parents.

That generation of ours has produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers, creative thinkers and successful professionals ever! They are the CEO's, Engineers, Doctors and Military Generals of today.

The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.

We had failure, success, and responsibility. We learned from our mistakes the hard way.

You might want to share this with others who've had the luck to grow up as real kids. We were lucky indeed.

And if you like, forward it to your kids too, so they will know how brave their parents were.

It kind of makes you wanna go out and climb a tree, doesn't it?!

PS - The big letters are because your eyes may not be able to read this if they were typed any smaller (at your age).

Monday, March 17, 2008

Failed Businesses

Impulsive. Easily Bewitched. They best describe the reasons why I failed in several business attempts. When I 'think' I like something, I become very impulsive that I often win arguments over those who wanted to stop me and I always get I want. Now, I am embarassed to look back at those failures but they taught me so many hard lessons in life.

I am more of a shopper, actually, than a seller. Then I got myself into a mess when I joined a multi-level marketing business, my first business attempt and biggest business failure. I sacrificed a lot for that and had gone through the worst ordeal I wouldn't dare to detail here.

I thought that was the first and last but it was just a thought. Impulsive as I am, I thought I'd do better in bakery business. We put up a small bakery a few years ago. What can I say? Failure again. It was very stressful. I had to sleep late and wake up too early. That was the last, I promised myself.

Since then, I never left the corporate world. Working full time is better. I get paid whether I work my best or worst. I only spend more or less 10 hours in the office and get a guaranteed pay at the end of the day. Then I got the opportunity to fulfill my greatest dream, become a full time mother.

Having not much to do, I browsed a forum for business suggestions forgetting that I promised myself not to get involved in another business stint again. I was easily enticed by the promising UKAY UKAY business. I won the argument again. I got the go signal to start it. Was it a hit? Yes a big hit! When I opened my first 3 bundles everyone went gaga over it. Here's the problem now...I thought they were going to pay me in cash... Kapaaaal! Utangin pala. What can I do, they were holding the clothes already. Collection was the hardest. I got discouraged, I didn't sell the remaining items. You need not guess it, you're right, it failed again. Much more I earned something unwelcomed, HYPERTENSION! Arrrggghhh!

Did it finally stop there? Of course not. I never seem to learn my lesson. That's how stubborn I am. I tried making accessories. It was great at first. My creativity was awakened. I did it along with baking, alternating whichever has orders coming in. Now thousands and thousands of beads are hybernating in one corner of the house awaiting their final verdict. I am busy with something else which I hope is not bound the same fate the past businesses went through.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

Overdue Vacation

I, myself, couldn't believe that I've let so many years passed before taking that flight home again. For four longs years, I haven't gotten home and the two months I've stayed in the province never seemed enough for the people back home.

We packed a lot for that vacation that we paid over a thousand bucks for the extra luggage. We got three balikbayan boxes and one big, heavy leather bag that needs to go home to the owner. Nope, those are not stuff we needed for the holiday. Those are stuff we no longer need here at home that needed disposal. It was like donating to the charity, you know. One of the boxes got old but still nice rattan placemats given by my brother-in-law a few years back, all our used clothing to be given out to my yaya's family, my maternity dresses which I am passing on to my sister hoping she'd have a new baby soon, a few pieces of the ukay-ukay stuff left behind from the first shipment, our working clothes and footwear, baby stuff, an inflatable pool and food.

The trip was smooth except that baby Joseph was fussy during the entire flight, probably due to cabin pressure. Thanks to my new Treo 650 that got his favorite Barney show which provided entertainment for a few minutes. It only took an hour and twenty minutes for the flight. Thanks to my sister who was able to borrow transportation from a friend, we got a nice ride home.

It was my first time to see mama's house which by the way, instantly got tiled because we were coming home. No, not for me but for baby Joseph. We were able to trick (not a very good term but that's what we really did) Mama Che to hasten the tile flooring, who in turn was able to get financial assistance from Papa Boy. It felt good to be "home".

The entire summer was spent rather simply. Most of the time we stayed home only, with the kids having fun time taking a dip and learning how to swim in the 10-foot diameter inflatable pool. Even my little boy and adults alike loves to swim in it. It's where Josh advanced his swimming skills.

It was also after four long years that I got to meet old friends. We had a few gatherings which somehow made me updated on how they were doing with their lives. Some still remain childless after years of marriage. Some had gotten married already. So much had change nonetheless I still felt the warmth of the same old, genuine friendship.

The reunion would not be perfect without the little disagreement we had with mom over her "precious" plants. There was a dispute whether to transfer the santol tree farther from the house, then the heated discussion to Lola Luz's cutting the Lansones tree. It made the vacation spicy, we were like a family, hahaha!

Well, it was my sister who got the first prize when it comes to events and highlights for that vacation.

Double Time

I have a lot of catching up to do with my blog, perhaps, forgotten a lot already on what I am supposed to document. It's been quite a while, things just gotten out of hands (lame excuse, of course). But I simply cannot run away from it, I stopped writing journals on my precious notebooks so I have to do this so that I have something to look back to when I grow a little older.

I don't know where to start again but I guess I'll pick up from my last post here. Happy blogging again, myself!

Saturday, March 10, 2007

My Macaroons

Same day that I made my first chopsuey, I baked our favorite macaroons. Unlike most macaroon recipes, I do mine with freshly grated coconut instead of dessicated coconut.

Mom said that this recipe was an award winning recipe way back in the 80's. Thank goodness my mom loves to bake. I only learned to bake a year ago. Nonetheless, I can do better in baking than in cooking. I only made half of what the recipe called for. I was able to make over 60 pieces. I love my macaroons when they are golden brown on top but kuya loves it just lightly golden so I have to make sure that he gets his share too.

I used to sell macaroons in the office and my officemates just loved it. When that new oven lands here in June, I will definitely sell some again. I just have to come up with a nice and a bit sturdy packaging.

Thursday, March 8, 2007

Ambitious Cook

Being a full time mother and wife, I can now at least say I have learned to love the cooking trade as opposed to what I was before, a mere "devourer".

I don't used to like cooking although I could cook very simple recipes that don't call for more than 3 ingredients. Among those that I could do without even looking at recipe books are: fried fish (fresh or dried), tinola, utan law-oy (stewed mixed veges), and sinugba (grilled).. and adobo, too. Well, at least I can make good adobo. It trapped my ex-boyfriend into believing I am a good cook that he ended up marrying me, hahaha!

Since the time I achieved my long time dream of being a full time home manager, I became a bit interested in cooking. Well, I know this is not by choice. I have to do it, otherwise, my family will get bored eating the same thing everyday. This is especially, when our certified cook is not around to do the cooking for us. For nine years, I had depended on my ex to cook for us when it calls for food other than fried stuff.

I seek refuge from internet recipes especially from www.pinoyfoodtalk.net and recipe exchange forums.

Just a few days back, I cooked my very first chopsuey, recipe courtesy of a fellow Girltalker. I altered the recipe though because I am selective with vegetables I eat. Sadly, I don't eat carrots (unless they are grated in some recipes). So my chopsuey only contained my favorite cauliflower, broccoli, sayote, baguio beans and chinese cabbage. I was very proud of my finished product. The picture may not look very appealing but I tell you it tasted so good that I told my husband he will never cook chopsuey again to rival with my version. Well, the secret was with Campbell's Cream of Mushroom condensed soup. It had to taste good because that chopsuey was a bit expensive because of the ingredients. As always, I gave out some to our neighbor, not to brag about it but because there was just plenty of it for just the three of us at home.

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

SAHM

I love being a stay at home mom. This has been my dream job ever since, believe it or not. I can honestly say, I don't miss my corporate life. Yes it is tiring but it is very rewarding and fun. I just love every minute of it.

I, though, feel guilty about it. Guilty that I was not able to do it for Joshua. If only I had a choice at that time.

Nonetheless, I believe everything happens with a purpose.

Sunday, January 14, 2007

Life and Death

November 30 - My sister and her beau arrived from Dipolog. They were here to be my sitters for my baby boy. I was scheduled for a C-section December 2. They brought an abundant supply of food with them: shrimps (superbig), tablea for tsokolate, budbud, bulad (cebuano for dried fish) and some herbs supposedly for tinolang manok :) . Later that day, we had to have a quick run to Market Market. We need some slippers. It was really quick.

At bedtime, I was kinda interrogating my sister how does a "labor" feel as honestly, I was not sure if I know how to identify one. I also told my sister that before the big day I will be indulging in those huge shrimps and a lot of puto-sikwate. Unfortunately, it had became a dream only as that night (or dawn), I sorta felt those contractions as described by my sister. I immediately got up at around 2AM, took Duvadilan as prescribed by my doctor a week earlier to avoid pre-mature labor. But I panicked when I noticed I had spottings before I went back to bed. I texted my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital already.

December 1, 4:43 AM - Joseph clinically came out of my tummy. I heard him cry a few times. I was waiting to see how he looked like but never did. I started to wonder and asked questions. I knew they were suppose to show him to me like when I gave birth to Joshua. The only answer I got everytime I ask about him is, he is okay, that he has to be rushed to the pedia because he was not able to cry immediately. In the afternoon, the pedia came to me to tell me the bad news. My little angel was in the ICU and was being endorsed to a specialist because he had a "little problem" as she called it. But as I was listening to her, it dawned my that the "little problem" meant that my little boy was in a critical condition, in a battle between life and death. They could not even give assurance that he will live. They simply said that it depends on how his little body will respond to the medication.

Joseph had severe sepsis and pneumonia due to meconium staining. They couldn't or maybe would not want to explain why. He was not overdue. I did not get sick except for a simple cold days before I gave birth, my blood pressures were constantly normal.

The day I did manage to get up and take a walk, I got to see my angel for the first time. I couldn't help buy cry. He was so helpless with tubes being inserted to his lungs and stomach. He has to be in a respirator because his lungs were not functioning. He was not breathing on his own. He depended on the machine to do it for him. My poor little boy! What a sad sight. I thought I'd lost him.

Dra. Corpuz told us that the first two days was the most critical, she couldn't tell yet if Joseph will make it. She could not tell at what percentage will he survive. She couldn't tell how soon he will have progress.

December 2 - Nurses said he was improving a bit. He showed signs of his own little breathing. That gave us hope but it had not stopped me from crying everytime I think of him. Daddy was scheduled to come home then. It was supposed to be in January but we needed him now more than ever. To kuya, we explained things on why he couldn't see his brother yet. He understood and as he has always a positive outlook on things said, he was gonna be okay.

Indeed he was. On the third day (December 3) when I went to the ICU, I came looking for my baby. I was not able to recognize him. He was so beautiful. All the tubes were gone!!!!! He no longer needed the respirator. Nurses said he just need a little oxygen. I was ecstatic. My blood pressure shoot up. I did not mind. Iwas just too excited. If only I could run upstairs to my ward to tell my sister the good news. We were all ecstatic.

He made it past the most critical stage. He was meant for us. We asked him from Him and He gave him to us.

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful gift.

Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Miiingaaaw!

Gosh, I can't believe it will be as mingaw as this one. I thought everything's going to be okay, but for now it's not. Daddy, we miss you so much.

Josh and I had a hard time sleeping last night and ended up hugging and telling each other how we miss you. I told kuya we finally had a bigger space in bed and I only ended up crying when kuya said "kulang naman ng isang love love".

Di pala ganun kadali... We need you around... I know this feeling is temporary.. yaan mo lang muna kami ni kuya.. we'll get over this soon.... Sobrang miss ka lang namin...

Bye the way, la pala pasok si kuya today. Happy na rin ako, at least one more day for review.

Bye for now, keep checking this site for more post.. Dito ko na post journal ni baby and ni kuya...

Love you Dad, miss you sooooo much.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

New Zealand - Not for Us

I was scrolling through Jehu's Yahoo Mail (of course I can, I created it and got its password) and got across Rita Martin's email. Rita is a NZ Visa Officer. There was little excitement when I got it but there were some disappointment about its content. Our EOI was rejected because it did not meet 140 points as we claimed. It stated that Bonus Points for Qualification in Area of Absolute Skills Shortage and Bonus Points for Work Experience in Area of Absolute Skills Shortage are not meet.

However, dispointed I may be, desperate I am not. I am just taken over with excitement about the new addition in our family. Aside from that, Jehu is leaving for Russia in the next few days. There's too much too prepare.

I don't have time to investigate what we need to do. Maybe NZ is not just for us yet. Let it be until this baby comes out.

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Blessings Outpoured

Call it a multiple blessing for this year – an angel in mum’s tummy and an overseas assignment for dad. Though the latter may mean loneliness for me and kuya, we all take it with a big heart – an answer to our prayers. For months we have waited for dad’s overseas assignment and whether it is pure coincidence or blessing, one thing is for sure, it comes at the right time.

Mid last year, we were talking about having a baby sister or brother for the now 7-year old kuya. I kept on insisting that unless we have a hundred thousand bucks in our bank account, I will not risk it. This is because of the greater chance of having a C section again which really puts a hole in the pocket.

But God has His way of giving us His blessings. He sent us the message that we are going to have a baby right on Kuya’s birthday. Much more, the baby is scheduled to fully mature on mum’s tummy by December. Isn’t it a relief to know that bonuses are just on time for the baby’s birth?

Then very recently was the good news for dad and it was specifically meant for him. It was supposed to be for his teammate but who came in just 5 minutes late. Whoah! And this also means one more thing – hopefully, we should be debt-free when the little angel comes out. Loans – no more - plus the fact that we have a pending immigration application which would also cost us thousands of bucks. Papsi, don’t worry, di na mabuslot ang buslot na nimo nga alkansya.

When I think of how God has been very good to us, I couldn’t help but cry. I am just so happy that when things happen according to His plans, everything will just fall into it’s proper place in its perfect time.

Glory to God in the highest!

Monday, May 1, 2006

Ah, I Can't Wait Any Longer

The past week seems like a year to me and I guess I still have to endure two more years going to work every night before I could have my normal life again.

Since I started in PS August of 2004 I had always been into the graveyard shift and had been loving it. This time however, it had became a heavy cross for me to carry. I started to feel tired whenever I think of work, I have my moodswings which I rarely had before. In short, I had stopped loving work.

The downtime could no longer be cured by Starbucks. I could not bear not having enough sleep during daytime. I become more depressed when it is sleep time thinking I could not sleep again. The scorching heat of the summer sun had contributed much to my dilemna and the noise of the playing children is no longer a music to a mother's ear.

To others two weeks is too short. To me, it is a lifetime.

Alaala ni Noy Alan

Kahapon ng kami'y pumunta sa Metro Market me nagbibinta dun ng puto maya or suman sa tagalog. Sarap sanang bumili kaya lang naubosan na ng tsokolate. Naalala ko na naman si Noy Alan. Sa twing makakakita ako ng puto maya at sikwate at lalo na ngayong ako'y buntis, iisang tao ang naalala ko, ang namayapang kabiyak ng kapatid ng papa ko, si Noy Alan. Pang third trimester ko nun ke Josh. Sa araw araw na ginawa ng Diyos nun, sa tuwing umaga ay tinatawag ako ni Noy Alan sa kanila para kumuha or kumain ng paborito kong puto maya at sikwate. Yon ay hanggang sa nanganak ako kay Joshua. Alam ni Noy Alan na sobrang naging peborit ko yon nung panahon na yon. At ngayon, na akoy buntis, naalala ko na namang kumain ng puto maya.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Good News and Bad News

Two days of not eating is too much for my suffering, just trying to survive with water and lots of it. I could only imagine what Josh and Jehu had to suffer earlier when they got their mumps. Got it from them. It was too timely for me as I am on leave from work. Ahhh.... I am suppose to go to Singapore on Thursday but I am not going anymore.

Much more, I am 5 weeks on the way. This is the good news. However, both Jehu and I don't know what to feel. We're happy yet so worried because of my present situation. I had taken several medications of ibuprofen and antihistamine the past few days for my mumps. To add to my suffering, I cannot eat anything. Even if my doctor said that I should not worry about it, I still am. That is the bad news.

When we told Josh that he is going to have a baby brother/sister, he did not show too much interest. Especially when he asked me when is the baby coming and told him, in December. In his mind, that's still way too far. But when I told him that the baby is already in mom's tummy, he jumped for joy. He became too excited. That's all he wanted to hear. I never realized it earlier.

He can't wait to give the baby it's name. When I told him that I want it biblical like his, he gave me a weird look. "Mom", he said, "It's not gonna be Moses or Noah, right?"

Hmnn... why not?

Thursday, April 13, 2006

A Surge of Depression

cWhile reading the posts at the my Yahoogroup, I felt a surge of depression inside. I am depressed at the thought of having our EOI rejected because they might not recognize our qualifications from our school. Here I go again with this same thoughts about our alma mater. Bakit ba naman kasi ang pangit ng name ng school namin at ikinahiya ko pa ata to. Yong initials pa nya ABC, parang XYZ school, yong mga kadalasang ginagamit sa mga examples pag me kwento na nangungutya about school. Arrgghh... kakainis di ba? Pero sana naman, NZ would not be that discriminating as I thought when it comes to choosing their migrants.

Hay, graduate nga ako ng ABC, e ano ngayon? I'm not mediocre. I have to pick up myself and think positively. NZ will not deny us just because of that. Go parin Tekla, kahit anong mangyari... hehehe! (Sira ulo na talaga ako.)

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

Investment

I am trying to compute how much we will be spending for our NZ immigration pala.

Here they are (para sa mga willing na mag-aksaya ng panahon at pera):

PAR (Pre-Assessment Result) - NZ$75 (x2) = Php 5000.00
EOI (Expression of Interest) - 300 9600.00
-------------
Initial while waiting for ITA (paid na to) 14600.00

Eto nalang ang wala pa kami:

ITA Application Fees US$1050 54000.00
IELTS 9000.00
Medical Php7500x3 22500.00
NZQA 10000.00
-------------
more or less 96000.00


Waaaaaa.... over 100K pala magastos din... hay... san kaya ako makahanap ng pambayad no? Maybe I can shoulder NZQA and IELTS pero I bet I would be on bended knees again hihingi ng assistance sa father ko... sa laki ba naman.. di carry ng powers ko to.

Continue to have faith.... if it is for us, God will give it to us in its proper time.

Tatamad-Tamad sa Trabaho

Pag ganito ang mode sa trabaho, syimpre ang ginagawa ay busy-busyhan lang. Kunwari busy ang mga kamay sa pagta-type. Kala mo naman work yong ginagawa, blog pala. Hay, ano ba at parang napakatamad ko ata lately. Or shall we say di lang tama yong mga priorities ko. Kasi ba naman busy busy sa ibang mga bagay tulad ng pagbabasa ng mga post sa Pinoys2NZ digest. Nahibang na ata ako masyado sa planong to. Panu kasi malapit na kaming mag lodge ng EOI namin. Hay, after 8 years.. sana tuloy tuloy na itich... at wala nang masyadong hadlang pa.

Although, honestly sobrang kinakabahan pa rin ako sa mga plans na to kasi ba naman, feeling ko I did not ask for signs from above kung ito na ba talaga ang tamang oras na maglodge ng EOI. Umiiral na naman tong pagka impulsive ko. One year narin pala ang nakalipas since nag attend kami ng seminar sa Sampang. Si Roa nakapag EOI na nung May last year pa, samantalang ako ay inabot pa ng isa pang taon. See? Bagalicious ko talaga.

Buti nalang at guminhawa kunti ang life ngayon, bumaba ang dollar exchange at bumaba ang EOI fee. Siguro eto ang tinatawag na timing? Hmmmpp.. sana. At least mas mababa ang investment namin ngayon. Okay lang sa kin ang mag-antay ng ilang months para sa ITA sakaling ma select. Tama pa habang pakiusapan ko pa ang mabait kong ama para makautang naman.. hehehe.

Excited na kami. Yipee!!!!

Thursday, April 6, 2006

First Steps

Ayun sa masyadong bugbog na atang salawikain, "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Indeed, New Zealand is literally thousands and thousands of miles away from where we are right now. A single step is what we need to start that journey, they say. However, in 1998, we had already taken that single step. The only problem was - we were taking more steps backwards than forwards. That's why after almost 10 years of dreaming about the place, we are still here.

Last year, when Mom went to the states to, you know, work (what else, we can't afford to go there simply on tour), I was so much hopeful that she could lend us a small amount to re-start our journey (for the nth time). Fifteen thousand bucks was all we need then. I just ended up getting very frustrated when not a single penny was loaned to us. I could not blame her (me utang pa kasi ako sa kanya, well).

That was September of last year when the point system was at its lowest. Then my dear papa took his turn in going to the states. Yes, my very generous father. He was willing to lend us money then but it was us who refused as the points went up to 140. Thought it would be difficult for us to pass then.

Four months later, I got across the NZIS site again and tried to review the policies and changes. I tried to get in touch with NewjobZ but they do charge a lot for their service. When I learned from Debbie Go that Kate Go did not really get the service from them, I took a step back and tried to check our points again. Wow, we're at the 140 threshold. That gives us little hope then...

... starting the same journey again.

Wednesday, April 5, 2006

After 35 Days

I'm back after over 30 days of not posting anything in here. It was either I was too busy (of course, that's a bluff) or just did not want to spare time for it. Of course, I was busy with something else.. more important ones, I hope.

I guess I should be finding time to post here more often to document the 'old' new journey will be taking in.

Hopefully this time, this will be for real.

Wednesday, March 1, 2006

Ash Wednesday ba?

Nagulat ako, Ash Wednesday na pala. Ang bilis ng panahon, katatapos lang ng Christmas tapos ngayon lenten season na naman. Tsk! Bilis nating tumanda nito.

Neways, di na naman ako nakatulog today. Haay.. lentek na customer yang Nicole na yan, hanggang sa pagpikit ng mga mata ko dala dala ko pa yong concern ko sa account nya. Tuloy di ako makatulog. I was trying to catch some sleep pa naman kasi pupunta sana akong derma.. yan tuloy, di ako matuloy-tuloy. Kakatamad na talaga lumabas ng bahay lalo na pag ganito ang klema, ang init sa labas.. feeling ko magiging useless ang pagpapaganda ko if ma e-expose lang din ako sa sobrang init ng araw.. Haay, bruhang buhay talaga to o. Di pa ako makatulog, sakit pa ng ulo ko, di ko pa maintindihan katawan ko, ang init init pa ng panahon, di pa ako makapag derma at worst me pasok pa ako mamaya. At nag ka carbo loading na naman ako to compensate na wala akong magawa. Sarap mag call in talaga, ewan ko lang kung di ko lang habol habol na makapagtipid ng leave credits.

Ewan, gulo ng mind ko la naman akong iniisip na seryoso puro kababawan lang. I have turned on the airconditioner na... Naman! At least man lang lalamig kunti paligid ko.. pero ang init pa din. Kaya i love the rains. Kasi pag umuulan sarap ng feeling. Abala nga lang sa pag school ni Josh at pagko-commute pag umuulan pero seyet, pag ganitong panahon, masasabi ko talaga i love the rain.. hehehe!

Waaaaaa... ngayon ko lang naiisip, pa summer na pala... so isa lang ang ibig sabihin nito... hotter days to come. Good luck nalang sa Meralco bills namin. Bahala na. Mayaman na daw kami ngayon e kasi ung meralco namin abot na ng 4K ang monthly namin. Naman! Di pa ako nag e-aircon nyan sa umaga ha.

Almost 3.... pag makatulog man ako ngayon barely 4 hours lang sleep ko. Tsk! Pilitin kong makatulog sa station mamaya. Kaya lang i doubt rin kasi ba naman para naman kaming bola nito palipat lipat ng station. Tapos napapaligiran pa kami ng mga full time inbound reps --- ang iingay! Hay, gustong gusto ko na talaga mag call in... ano ba?

Duh! watevah! bahala na! watever na papasok sa mind ko mamaya.. tapos eto pa ha... sumakit pa lalamunan ko kanina... feeling ko magkakasakit ako.. tagal ko na ring din nagkasakit. Bawal magkasakit.. me bata sa bahay!

Sigh... sigh na naman... sigh pa once more.... aarrgghh! Goodbye derma, next week ka na lang, okay, maganda pa rin naman ako kahit di kita puntahan ngayon. Gosh!

Friday, February 24, 2006

EDSA I – February 24, 2006

Somehow I got the much needed absolution today, after three long years. It’s such a great feeling knowing your soul is His again. “I firmly resolve to avoid all occasions of sins. Amen.” This is my new year’s resolution. Along with this is the undertaking to be more patient, to hold my temper, to be humble and to be more understanding of other people’s feelings especially of those I treasure the most. If there is one commandment I have not broken, it is “to honor your father and mother”. They are not perfect just like everyone else. They are not typical parents. Nevertheless, I never doubted they love us with all their heart.

There is, however, one thing I failed to do today – getting the needed sleep. The sun was just too excited today to see me whole again, it was shining soooo brightly. Infact, the government even declared today as a holiday. Isn’t it great? They were celebrating for their prodigal daughter had come home. No classes means no stillness at home. Josh’s friends are making so much noise in the room. They were like, laughing and talking the whole day. Let the children’s laughter, so they say. Though I had turned on the air conditioner, I choose not to sleep anymore. I’d rather not be dead to the world for 24 hours than get a 3-hour sleep and end up having a terrible headache when I wake up. I am thinking not going to work today but I don’t want to waste my leave credits. With our inboxes all clear, I guess I can take in-between-call naps… hehehe… model employee.

I am still trying to figure out whether I would go to the office earlier or just in time for my shift. I don’t know which timeslot has a heavier traffic taking into account the rallies going on --- I guess not for the Edsa I celebration but for the call to ouster GMA.

Gosh! I remember, I had committed to Leni to join the Freedom Build tomorrow but I don’t think I can still survive 48 hours without sleep. I might forgo the activity. Maybe next time when they will hold the action on a regular day… I mean not in concurrence with a national holiday where security threat is at high. I had seen how the military force is in red alert today and tension might arise by tomorrow… hehehe… I found a good excuse. Sorry.

Call in or not… Call in or not….. still playing in my mind. Let’s see what happens by seven. There would be six left of them if I don’t go to work today. Hmnn… kaka konsensya ba? Que sera sera.

Thursday, February 23, 2006

The Lady in Red


The first thing I did when I got my consciousness back was to feel the pain then took a quick glance at the blood in my left hand. Thank God, it was just a dream. It was so true that I thought I was still feeling the slash I got when trying to stop “her”. Who was she? She was the lady in red, with unkempt hair and a bloody knife in her hand, trying to kill me. Who was she with? A preggy woman in purple, a child, a few companion, all drunk, caroling outside our door.

With some of my dreams coming true, somehow in another form, I take my dreams somewhat seriously. I become so conscious of the things that are happening in my dream, especially those I know is not related to my present state of mind.

The 9/11, the Valentines day bombing, Daniel’s death and a whole lot more – they scare me. But I do believe that most of my dreams are mere representations of my present waking state.

I was stabbed, I was hurt, that dream was so full of emotions because it is such. The lady in red was the pain I am currently feeling, stabbing me, giving me pain. It couldn’t have another meaning other than that.

I am okay now. I hope so. I choose to be okay. It is just a matter of being more understanding. Seek first to understand then be understood.

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Something that I missed

Every more often I get reminiscence of my grade school years and it somehow gave me back the childhood joy, simple and fun.

My elementary years were superb. I got a taste of my first hand fight when I was on the third grade. If I could still remember it clearly, it was over a preferred seat in the classroom. We were waiting for the room to open when I picked the fight with Marinette. That was the first and only fist fight I had been into. I know she couldn’t forget it either but am sure she had forgiven me. We are still best friends.

In my first grade I used to sit in front of the class but was transferred by my teacher at the back, seated with a boy to prevent me from talking too much, but that just got my teacher frustrated. I was still the most talkative in the class. Funny memories from grade one includes the great escape of Kate when I jumped out of the window during an annual immunization. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of my teacher then.

My grandmother was my very own teacher in my second grade but that doesn’t exempt me from being disciplined under her very strict administration. I got my share of pinches in the ear and had knelt with arms stretch when we were told to gather stones for our rock garden. What happened? Of course, the “bida” went with her classmates to a distant beach to gather stones which took us over two hours to go back to class.

Fourth grade was a bit uninteresting. Maybe I started to grow up then. Instead of spending my time running in our school yard, I spent it more often collecting movie snips from newspapers to be rivaled with the best collection from my classmates. It was also the year when I just preferred playing marbles under our building that at one time I got my mom worried a great deal when at six o’clock I still wasn’t home for dinner. Of course the consequence was too much too bear. Maybe on that year I got withdrawn. I also escaped from a school program when I was tasked to recite a poem and just feigned sickness.

Life started to perk up again during the fifth and sixth grade. The fifth grade was full of horror stories because I had a classmate who seemed to have a third eye and was seeing things beyond a 10-year old imagination. It was also on that year that most of the girls in class experienced sexual harassment from a male school teacher. But I guess he didn’t have succeeded that far when his bad intentions raised controversy among the girls in our class and we all totally avoided him. How scary it could have been. Yaiks! Manyakis!

Grade six started as a frustrating year. Some of my classmates really wanted to be in Section A. However, middle of July a few of us were transferred to Section B. It was still homogenous then and it really mattered what section you were in. We cried then. But we could not blame our teacher for transferring us. They transferred us not because we were inferior. It was actually a consequence of what we did the previous grade and that was specifically choosing to enroll in Section B. We had our major reason then and they couldn’t condemn us also. The teacher in Section A for the fifth grade was really a well-known terrorist. She throws erasers and books to her pupils and it was what scared us the most. Well, it turned out that grade six wasn’t bad at all. And I proved it that it didn’t really matter what section you were in just to get the valedictory post.

There were also plenty of mishaps throughout my elementary life. At one time I was splattered with carabao droppings while playing under a mango tree. A classmate threw a huge centipede at me which really gave me the phobia since then. The most terrible was being pulled off my gartered skirt in front of my classmates.

But oh, childhood! Your memories are just soooo sweet and charming. I love the coco-leaf-swing which made me feel like flying in the air. Many times my back hit the trunk of the tree, or my body rolled down the hill when the leaves snapped but it was sooo much fun that I would do it again if I have the opportunity. I loved the rice cakes and I missed them. I simply adore the fun carefree feeling running in the fields chasing dragonflies and grasshoppers and getting soaked in the rain.

How I wish my Josh will get to experience the nicest feeling of growing up in the province where life is just so naïve and pure.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

The Frustration


Things were frustrating over the weekend. Something we all did not expect happened at work. It was frustrating for everyone. I almost cried in disbelief, I swear. I know I shouldn’t have let it ruin my week but I am allowing it to. My choice again. I am dispirited not because she is not qualified for the position. In terms of the quality of her work, she could well pass for the position, but it is beyond that.

Why am I anguished over something I don’t have control of? I was not up for the position, not yet, but, why like all other members of the team, was I frustrated over her promotion? I hope she gets to ask this question herself too.

But in all honesty, why am I aggrieved?

I am not sure. Maybe because I just don’t like to see her in the position. ( Help! Somebody stop me from pouring out my judgments! ) She, along with another supe, had become my source of frustration in the team since we started. She, being the pretentious helper, the latter being the second rate trying hard supe. Hahaha! See my post for the “Power Struggle”. I am talking about both of them there. I let them ruin my SA in December. I was rebelling then.

It was really a liberation when we were made part of the Tier 3 team and had our dedicated supe. And thank goodness he did not volunteer for the position way back then. I could have been in Dell now. That is the only consolation I have over her promotion. At least I will not be under her wing, not ever and over my dead toenails.

I have told my supe, I will never bend my ways and try to be “bibo” nor mabait just to get to the supe position. I am what I want to be. I will continue to spank the supervisor of the agents and the agents themselves, who are not doing well in their job. I don’t have to be a supervisor to do that. I had learned to love my team and being a pioneering batch I feel this is part of my calling to protect our integrity.

Friday, January 13, 2006

Sayonara?

Today is the deadline of our on-boarding documents and schedule of picture taking for the Dell badge and I was still thinking of going earlier today but I have to stick to my decision to stay. With a heavy heart I wrote a letter to their HR in-charge declining their offer. What a pain in the heart though.

I know I will get over this feeling soon. I just don’t want to have remorse over not doing something. But this is my decision. It is neither right nor wrong, consequences are. But because I have “chosen” to stay I am ready for the consequences if there are any though I don’t see any coming. Just what if’s… What if most of my team mates leave PS this year? What if something comes up that will dissolve our team this year? What if Dell will transfer to Makati area this year?

No, no! I will not have regrets. I choose to stay. I am happy. I love my team.

Saturday, January 7, 2006

If only i could have it all

I started bidding goodbye to my team. A few already knew that I shall be handing in my resignation letter. I decided to formally tell my supe about it. Unfortunately I was not given his blessings. Instead he tried to talk me out to stay pointing out again the factors that have been in my list for a long time. Ahhh.. I had started to let go of them already as the day drew nearer but I got face to face with reality again. It left me sleepless for two nights (days actually), caught between those things that really matter plus my compassion for the team versus the opportunity for a better pay. But I realized that if I could have it all, I’d be the luckiest person on earth. It’s just not like that. I couldn’t have a better pay at Dell and enjoy all the other benefits that I had been getting at PS.

After two sleepless nights, I decided to stay for good. Thanks to my honey who finally cast his vote in favor of my decision. It was such a relief.

Sunday, December 25, 2005

Mamingaw nga Pasko!

Are Christmas eves getting gloomier each year?

I can remember our first Christmas here in Manila it was merry. There were plenty of fireworks around. New Year was merrier though, as expected.

This year’s Christmas was so dull that we only saw a few “kwitis” being lighted. Even Makati City only had a 3-minute fireworks display. Are people reserving the merry making for New Year’s eve or are budgets just too tight to waste them for temporary happiness?

For us, Christmas was just like those of the previous years. It’s been quite sometime that we had been spending the season on our own. Manileños have their traditional exchanging of gifts with their relatives and friends. We never had that tradition way back in the province. (Maybe because our neighborhood couldn’t afford it). The good side of it is, you will be getting plenty of gifts. The bad side of it is, you will be spending so much for gifts too because you will be shamed if you don’t give in return. Well, it happens just once a year but I hope in the future they will change that tradition and instead they will be buying and giving the gifts to those whom they do not expect to hand them something back – to the least fortunate. Haaay! What a bright world it would be!

I pity my father. He said he’s having the loneliest Christmas in his entire life – in the US! I can just imagine. If Christmas in the Philippines is dull, what more can we expect for Christmas in the US. As another Filipino in the states said, “it’s like todos los santos”. Papa said he never heard even just a single “putok”. What a pity!

Friday, December 2, 2005

On Tardiness

It’s sad to note that I won’t be receiving a full performance bonus this month because of my ‘recent’ habitual tardiness and absenteeism. It just started with a 30-minute late and the whole month’s stats for attendance is already on the track to being doomed. At least now I am not dependent on it to get the best shift. That’s the privilege of being a special queue agent. Aha! So this means that my good schedule adherence for the past months was with a purpose? Of course, yes! Well, no. My absences were really reasonable. First I was really sick. Second, I was also sick. Hahaha! Nope, the second one was caused by my worthless yaya.

Now, it seems that I am branded as the ‘call in’ girl that I have to carry the remorse in my dreams. While sleeping this afternoon, I dreamt that I was getting late for work and it worries me a lot because I have kept my word not to be absent again. Gosh, it really hit me hard. I hope I will not more reasons to be absent this month. I can only hope.

Thursday, November 24, 2005

High Blood!

I felt blood rushing to my head and my heart pounding fast. I was too irritated that I am ready to give up the script I had prepared for casting out my househelp. This has now turned into an evil plan if that’s what you call it.

Okay, okay, it is just a sandal but for me it is beyond that. It is the ATTITUDE! I can’t bear one more day to have her in our home. I am losing all my senses out of rage for her lack of attitude.

I haven’t had a house-help as intolerable as her, promise. I am just too afraid to kick her ass out and have her live with her cousin as I do not know if there is evil in her heart. She might get back at us in her evil ways. I just hope not.

All I can say now is that tomorrow will be goodbye for her.

(Gee, I remember Shiela Batayola, my classmate in TDS. She loves firing yayas!)

Estoy Aburrida!

It's so obvious that I've got less to do in my life today that I am able to spend time writing posts for my blog. Well, I was just able to get a good night sleep last night because I did not report for work as I called in sick. I was not feeling well a bit because I had my bouts of insomnia again despite having taken medication for cough which supposedly will make me feel drowsy. The exact opposite just happened and I had wasted my time with the toss and turns in bed thinking how I can get to sleep. That gave me a terrible day and I know that if I’m going to force myself to work, I would be very sick the next day.

Well, my S.A. (attendance in particular) had been worst this month with over 30 minutes of late already so I guess an additional day to it would not make it worst anymore because it already is… :)

I feel better now though I am still indulging in some tasty calamansi concentrate to get more fluid into my body. Sad to say I am not much of a water drinker so to take more liquid in, it has to be flavored. (sosyal!). And I am anticipating another restful night as we are off for the Thanksgiving Day, thanks to that!

Well, for now I seem not to mind anymore whether I will still get that perfect attendance. It’s hard when your heart is partly not in the team anymore. In short, as my luv would say it, “gasalig”.


So what am I suppose to do today?

Well, I started my day performing a typical housewife’s work – preparing breakfast and as soon as dad stepped out of the house, I was glued in front of the PC. I have to do it fast because the system administrator is still asleep. I started with a few Spanish online tutorial, played the addictive Xraye game (I’m sorry that I have to cheat to get to the next level), check some mails, chat with some friends while listening to some good music, and now, updating my blog.

You see, I really got plenty of things to do! Am busy, you know!

As soon as the master wakes up, am outta here. He thinks he owns this computer.

I have to see Nanay Niknik (watta name!) today. Oppss.. I still need to prepare the proposal. I better make it soon.

And gosh, I still have to buy that plane ticket for dad and catch up some more sleep later. I’d be really busy today! :-)

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Grrrr.......

I can't wait for next week to tell my household help that I have to fire her :( Well, I am breaking it to her in a very nice and dramatic way. Whaah! Dramatic because I have to create a drama so she will not feel mad that I have to kick her ass out of the house. I am just too afraid that she might do something unpleasant if I will just tell her directly that I can no longer tolerate her yuckiness and laziness :(

At least the two months chance I have given her is more than enough for me to suffer from heart attack. Hahaha! I really haven't gotten across somebody just as irritating as her. Gosh! So what am I ranting when I am letting her go? Well, la lang.

Well, at least I would be happy soon. She's just too much to bear! Karin... san mo ba napulot to? Arrggghhh!

Sunday, November 20, 2005

Initial D

The Initial D-cision

I thought it was going to be a quite easy decision but then again I was wrong. There are some things that need to be considered. But as of now, I am really happy that I made it. The interview was not really that tough as most of the questions are just practical applications of what I have learned. Though I was not able to thoroughly answer some of the questions, I guess being totally honest about it has what made me through. Not all techie people and people who had the needed experience in call centers made it. To be selected is really a privilege, so to say.

What's confusing me is not really the package at all because I believe in my heart that those who will make it will be rewarded accordingly. The present package is equally good. What's holding me back is the thought of leaving the comfort zone of what I am currently doing.

It is difficult to trade the leniency of my current work to the hassled and hurried world of inbound technical support. I should know as I have several friends taking inbound calls. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how comfortable I had become being lazy at work.

However, at the time of this writing I have made my decision already. I have complied with their requirements already and almost ready to leave my present work. I just have to accomplish some personal goals before I go. It would soon be goodbye. I hate to think about it. I hate to say goodbye to friends but I am as well excited to say hello to new ones. I am taking this to new heights.

(Well, now at least it feels good to know that one of our trainers is on the same ship also :)

Monday, November 14, 2005

The Power Struggle

I guess this is my only chance to pour out all my aversion against some power struggle in our team. I couldn’t talk to anyone about this in the office as I do not want to stir up anyone’s sanity.

Some people are just so insecure and hungry for credit and power. They think that being senior in terms of tenure means that they know a lot already. They want to be always acknowledged that they are good, they are in power and they are still Tier 2 when in fact they are not. They want special powers, special permissions and even blatantly asking if they have one. They hated the idea that some people are just better than them. They forgot that they started altogether in the new skill set. They purposely sometimes make remarks as if to provoke these individuals who they think is trying to steal the limelight.

And why am I able to say this? Because I felt I have become their victim and I can’t stand it. I do not hunger for credit, I do not want it either. I do my work well without expecting anything in return. I do it as part of my personal calling and if I do it well, it is because I do not want to retire at the end of the day and become accountable for what I have not done. I never want a substandard work and I expect the same from other people. I am too shy to receive credit for anything I have done well and yet, other people are just too hungry about it.

I maybe very vocal about ideas and opinions because I felt that my superiors are not open minded. They tend to not bear anyone who question procedures. They are too full of pride not to admit mistakes and are always on the brink of proving that they are right and oftentimes admit their mistakes through memos they issue at a later date. Duh! Mga hambog!

This makes me want to leave the team soon. This is the first time after one year here that I have thoughts of leaving the company. When things are no longer healthy, the best thing to do is to swim out of it rather than stay and continue swimming against the tide.

Just as soon as the 13th month is released I will be spending time for the next career move.

(Hah! Since it is this easy to go job hopping in the call center industry, this makes me wanna do this.. Yahooooo!)

Sunday, November 13, 2005

Will it soon be goodbye?

Two more days and this is getting exciting for me. I hope by then I will know if I will be jumping ship by next year or not. I am too excited for this. Of course, nobody knows how excited I am but my family. Even if some of my colleagues know that I am pursuing this second opportunity, I never showed them that I am too excited to get out of my present job. What they know is I am just trying my luck and trying to test the waters if the compensation package is good. But deep in my heart, failure to make it to the final interview would be a big disappointment for me.

Why?

Am I expecting a bigger compensation package from them? Yes, of course, otherwise I will not even think about it. I would be lying if I would deny that it is one of the major reasons I am even thinking about it. A 25% difference in net pay is already a lot.

Is it my only reason?

No. Although that is my first consideration.

So what are my other reasons?

Kinda hard to explain. Hard ba? Yes, because, the team I am into is what everyone wants to be part of. With some petiks time -- oh, sometimes not just “some petiks time” but “so much petiks time”-- who would not want to become part of it? Everyone out there who knows what we are doing in our job will envy us. I for sure am enjoying that fact. Naloloka naba ako? Ang saya saya nga non!

But sometimes, it just gets too boring.

The job in itself is backend processing with some outbound calls to customers or vendors. It is relatively easy and sometimes just requires common sense. After like 2-3 months of doing it, you can perform your task with eyes closed. Just like my “teller-ing” work before. There are no technical skills required, just simply common sense and good communication skills (which you will use when you contact customers and vendors). This is where I feel stagnant. I am not learning anything more, nothing more to add to my appetite to further improve my technical abilities. My brain is starting to rust.

Aside from that, I hate to see the power struggle in this new team. I do respect that they are our superiors in terms of the positions they are holding but they are not superior in terms of knowledge about the task or the skill set. We all started with the same knowledge base. Yet, they are always out there to prove something else every time an agent question a procedure. Crap! I thought I was over with this. I should post all these power struggle observation in another post.

So that’s it! They are some of the major reasons why I am thinking of moving to another center by next year. But there are still a few good reasons why I would still stay.

Friday, November 11, 2005

October 12-17

This is laziness:

10.12.05

Now I panicked, this is the second time I had nosebleed from last week. I visited the clinic during my shift and inquired some causes for nose bleeding. The nurse mentioned one is hypertension so to my curiosity I had my BP taken and boy, it was 130/90.

10.13.05

Now the worst, I am having flu. Second day of BP-taking and it was 130/70. When I checked my records earlier, I had only 110/70 during the annual PE. I have to get a one-week record to establish facts.

10.14.05

Yeheey, payroll day. The nurse is absent today. I am feeling worst from flu. I have to file a PTO for Monday for surely I’m going to be very sick. Indeed, I was!

10.15.05

Of course, instead of sleeping, me and my loves went to Market!Market! to buy stuff from Ace hardware using our credit memo from the sewing machine. We got a can of paint and plenty of other stuff for the lipat-bahay thingy. And yeah, I ended up getting sicker, sickest I guess that I have to sleep pretty early.

10.16.05

Despite not feeling well, I still manage to wake up early as I got very excited. Painted the cabinet’s and windows at auntie’s place. Boy, it was indeed very tiring.. super duper tiring! But it’s great to see your work of art at the end of the day.

10.17.05

I have to see the doctor today as promised to myself and so as not to defeat the purpose of having a paid time-off (pto). Well, the doctor was so kind to tell me that I’m perfectly fine despite my physical difficulty of speaking due to sore throat and recommended nothing except plenty of water and rest. Hmnn.. great. BP is regular.

From the doctor's office, I walked my way to Smart Wireless center to apply for wi-fi, dropped by some bodega sale and bought some utensils, went to the office to leave the locker key for Vi, went to Market!Market! again to buy ink for printer and some bond paper. When I reach home, I started painting again. Whew!

10.18.05

I have had my day of "konsimi" from my YY. To this day, I have promised to myself that I will be getting rid of her. She will only be up to one month. I have all the reason to dispose of her… hehehe! So evil! But I would not want anymore month of her.. period! Better get a stay-out help. I would not mind paying the same or more for less hassle. Whew again! No need to justify my act. I need my privacy back!

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Insomnia

If it is true that lack of sleep can cut down some years on a person’s life, then if I'm suppose to live a hundred years, now it's down to 50. For a year since I started working in a call center, I had always been into the graveyard shift. The latter part of the one year vampire mode left me with no more than 6 hours of straight sleep each day. I am even lucky enough if I can get 6 hours of broken sleep. Keeping the room dark to simulate night, most of the time does not help. Getting a househelp did help, but still, getting 6 hours of sleep each day is a dilemma. I’m starting to think that I already am insomniac. They say that drinking hot milk helps but I guess a bonamine tablet would be better. Though am thinking of it, I would not want to start doing it as I might get addicted.

My present state leaves me off to thinking about moving into other departments which offer more shift options. But this only gives me the challenge to move to other call centers instead. If I have to move into another rep position, I’d better be in one that pays better and offers more income opportunity.

- - - - - - - -
Well, if in the next few hours I would only be spending it twisting and turning in bed and exhausting my mind, I would better get myself on the go and start exploring other possibilities. Aha! I really have so much to do that I had not done in the past months.

- - - - - - - -
Opening a bank account for my Josh? Oh well, maybe will do it next week when I have the resources.

Smart Wi-Fi? Will I go to their office now and fill out an application form? I’m having second thoughts about it as it is an additional expense. Tsk! But it will not cost me a thing to have the information whether we are serviceable or not and it can only be done if I fill out an application form.

If I’d be going to Smart today, then I better drop by at PBCom and check that call center which a friend says offers 35K as basic pay. Boy, that’s big! I don’t mind if they have 30 tools to use.

------------------
Oh well, what happened today was that I went to Market!Market! instead and returned the sewing machine that is sub-standard. Good thing Ace never insist and agreed to have the product replaced by other items coz I’m definitely not gonna get another JML item again.. maybe except for Spotless. So instead am thinking of getting cans of paint or linoleum for the floor.

Went home at around 3PM hoping to get sleepy when I reach home. Well, the expected happened and even if I turned on the aircon still can’t sleep. Might as well make my time productive. Tried some cleaning solutions at auntie’s unit. Of course, I would not want to exhaust myself so here I am writing trying to let time pass by.

Jehu does not suggest that I find another job to solve this sleep disorder but instead find a medical remedy first. Well, good idea. Then maybe bonamine or valium will work. Hmnn… I’m gonna become the future drug dependent.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

DoomsDay Part2

The shortly awaited major change in our team has finally been announced yesterday. This time, it was kind of sweet to the human ear as 30 of us plus 3 supes will be transferred to a pioneering team. Without second thoughts, no bits of hesitation and no single convincing needed, I volunteered right away as the schedule it offers is appealing and the opportunity is good.

What is sad is that, one of my favorite supes who volunteered was turned down by management and he will remain in the email team. It gets me restless as we both believe that the future of the email team is dim. Knowing his pessimism, I know this is a big blow on him.

My decision so far, unaltered and unadulterated, will remain firm - I am going 'voice' and as opportunity presents itself already, there is no need to move to another company as earlier thought of.

------------------------------

I have a very disturbing dream today. I heard fire trucks blowing their sirens as a fire broke out just nearby from where I was. People were in panicked and heard them shouting that there were dead people already. I realized that the fire was just in the next building from where I was standing. I called out for Josh and grabbed him and ran for safety. However, I have not seen Jehu. Watching from afar, I saw people going through the ashes looking for charred bodies. Still not finding where Jehu is, I panicked again and started to cry. People pointed me out to the remains of a man's body which they thought was him. Looking at the shoes of the man gave me hope as I believe it was not him. I was already crying out hysterically as plenty of people died in that accident and was afraid he was one of them. A sigh of relief came when he appeared from nowhere, slightly injured but very much alive. More sigh of relief when I woke up and found out it was just one of those bad dreams.

I am just praying I am not seeing future events again unfolding in my dreams.

Quarter Life Crisis

~from an unknown source:

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis”. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and what you do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try to cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed wonder why you cannot meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe they love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topic because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Monday, August 8, 2005

Dreams808

Just another series of wild dreams from the creative mind of the author.

I was convinced that no mosquito has bitten me during my sleep today, much more not on my heel but I was itching so much on those places in my sleep. To my horror, I found out that those mosquitos were not from the outside from the inside. The inside of my body, my heels and foot in particular. As they come out and emerge from my feet, they produces itchiness.

Then because of that I was exorcised by a man who looked familiar but whom I could not identify who. Ano ako possessed? But anyhow, while he was exorcising, he was pushing my back which gave me so much pain. I was trying to scream in my sleep from the pain but I couldn't hear my voice. After a long struggle, I was freed and the next scene I know was they were looking for some infestations in our area.


There was digging and more diggings until they found different carcasses including that of a gigantic rodent and a man. Yaiks! Na naman! Another horrid dream.

Jehu paid the man a thousand bucks for that.

Hmn, I hope the dream does not mean anything. Not related to future events that's gonna happen. God forbids!

On a lighter note, I found some nice place in my dream. A pool which our neighbor built with waters so clear.

Waters in dreams, they say, signifies emotions. In my whole life, water has always been the constant object in my dreams. When it is clear, it means I am at peace and attune to my present emotions. I believe so.

Sunday, August 7, 2005

That's what Friends are for!

A few days more to go and we will be celebrating our first year anniversary in the company. Time seems to pass by so quickly. This is so far the best corporate year I ever had after 5 long years. That is because this is so far the best job (though not the best paying job) that I ever have in terms of work load and pressure. It is incomparable considering what I went through as a banker and a human resource practitioner.

This is the only job that has enabled me to balance both family and work not compromising one for the other. This is why PS rocks!

In my 12 months stay, I have developed close and not so close friendship. Maybe because I am very selective with whom I associate with.

Just like the UBP days! Gosh!

The UBP times was the best in terms of friendship. That was the most solid friendship I ever had (next to YM). Without them, life would be so damn dull and hectic. It was the most pressured work by experience, so without those people, I would have been dead eight years ago. It was kinda sad when each of us has to go on our separate ways first by individual marriages then when we were scattered into the operations department then finally, by migration.

I could still recall those Cebu Plaza or Sacred Hearts nights when we would waddle in the pool at night and eat lumi afterwards - or the Tambuli and White Sand days when we would walk around the beach in our swimming suit. Goodness! I am pretty sure it would be hard to do that now without facing so much shame. There are too much memories to mention but each is carefully embedded in my heart. How I miss their company!

But as life moves on, we meet other people, other deserving people. People whom we can never forget. People who also become part of our lives and who also occupy spaces in our hearts. I am thankful that I was able to have and keep them.

Time may pass by so quickly but each year will be joyfully remembered. It is because of them - FRIENDS!

Monday, August 1, 2005

Temporary Assignment

That's life!

Temporary. Borrowed. Transient.

We are living on borrowed time. It is foolish to think that everything is under our control because it is not.

I may want to believe that the Lord will grant me a long life but how can I exactly tell that I will live that long to see my child grow old? How can I exactly tell that I will grow old with my husband or he will grow old with me? There is no way.

When the Lord calls me or my loved ones home, who am I to say no? Who am I to stop it from happening?

Fear.

So much fear in my heart.

Dreams Recounted

My head was so heavy today. I was not able to sleep the whole day which I attributed to the caffeine overload I had the previous night. The culprit was the new vendo machine plus the whole time that we did nothing but chat and laugh. Our email system was down so we resorted to constant coffee breaks.

It was suppose to be Sunday, my day of rest because someone can take my place in watching over my babe. However, today was just not the same. When I forcefully woke up after being an unrestful sleep, a morbid thought flashed. Our team will be mourning for someone who died.

My day went on until I arrive in the office only to be greeted with a very shocking news. One of our team members died in a vehicular accident Sunday dawn. I quiver to the bones as a recalled the thought that occured to me earlier. How can that be?

I then recounted a dream I had on Friday morning (of course I sleep during daytime). I was in a small room (probably a rest room) made of wood along the side of a hill when suddenly thousands of bats came flying toward the area. As I was trying to hold on to the door of the room, I saw a big tornado coming. What was worst with the tornado was that it looked like an alien. I then sought refuge on the rocks along the hillside. I was almost hit by the passing tornado.

When I looked on the right side of the hill, I saw a truck or somehow a vehicle that looks like one and a car following it when suddenly the truck was somehow backing out overrunning the car. I wanted to scream at the sight but I saw that the car was now on top of a parked car slowly slipping down the snowy area. A sight difficult to describe that if I only know how to draw, I can vividly sketch it. The driver was a lady.

The next scene I was standing beside a male friend as we were talking what he did when the tornado passed by. End of the dream.

What scared me as I recounted the dream was the interruption I got from one of my teammates. I was told that Daniel's car indeed hit a car that was backing out. End of story.

This has not happened the first time. This is the reason why it scares me to the bone if I have dreams like that. The 911 tragedy, the Edsa bus bombing and a whole lot more.

Dreams. Warnings. Emotions.

Huh!

Sunday, July 31, 2005

Gratitude

About a month ago we were invited to the birthday party of my childhood friend's son who was turning two. We went to a mountain resort in Antipolo. While we were in my friend's house waiting for the ride, I couldn't help but think how some people are just lucky financially. They were not really rich but it just occured to me that amongst our circle of friends, few really got lucky to be considered stable when it comes to their finances. Unfortunately, we are not among them. Although we are not really in a state of financial depression, it is still a struggle for us to become financially independent.

As the day was about to end, my friend's husband who was already drunk went out of himself and became a raving lunatic for reasons only known to him. The celebration turned into a disaster that even Barney (the decor on the cake) for sure got his share of terror when it was smashed on the floor.

It was then that I realized I have so much to thank the Lord for. I felt saddened that I envied other people's financial status because I failed to look at the great blessing that I already have. When I look at my family I couldn't say more. I already have a loving and kind husband and a very wonderful and intelligent boy. They are worth more than any material reward I can have on earth. Having them in my life is already too much to ask for.

Saturday, July 30, 2005

The List

A sigh of relief that the "list" was finally released and my name was not in there. A temporary moment of rejoicing while anticipating more changes in the coming months or even weeks.

I am not dreading the thought of going into a voice account. I am afraid of having to be in an account where I cannot have the flexibility when it comes to scheduled shifts. That is one obvious reason why I cling on to the present.

Monday, July 25, 2005

Anticipation Anxiety

Maybe that's how you call it especially when you are anticipating the uncertain.

Uncertainties at work is slowing creeping up everyone's spine now except for those who had made up their minds already on where they would wanna go. In a few days time, part of the team will go. I can only hope that I will not be among them. I wish to stay not because I am afraid to move on. Infact, should I choose to embrace change voluntarily, it would be to my advantage. A new learning experience, a better chance to improve my skills. But no, not this time while I am anticipating other things.

Come what may! I will take things to new heights whatever is the outcome of all these anticipation moments.

Sunday, July 24, 2005

In Mysterious Ways

Ah... it's been more than a year already. I could only breath a sigh of relief that I was able to survive what I consider the toughest year in my life. Indeed, a series of unfortunate events!

May 27, 2004 - I was crying hysterically in the conference room in our office with two of my best friends (co-managers) comforting me, obviously not knowing what to say. It was the day I felt for the first time what others call "the whole world crushing on you" experience. I can only affirm. Weeks before that some crisis had already started. I learned I was a co-dependent. Those who had been there know what I meant by the term. And on that day, the 27th of May, another burden was laid upon my shoulder. Needless to say, I went home that day, weeping and with a great question in my heart - WHY? Why all at the same time? Why now?

Now I had understood that they were part of the series of those unfortunate events. It happened to complete the story.

Nobody could completely understand what I went through this same time of the year last year. Not even those people whom I shared the story with. Not even those people whom I share the pain with. It was like armageddon.

But it was not the end of the world as I thought. It was the beginning of a greater pain. The pain of being co-dependent.

Every day was excruciatingly painful. Every time I woke up, I wish I never did. I was torn between giving up and having hope, the former, the stronger force. Everything was in a dark tunnel. Everything. Everyday was a living hell.

Restless. Depressed. Hopeless. In agony. Those words were not even enough to describe how I felt.

After over four months of full struggle, things started to fall into their right places. I could not decipher how. I don't even know how I survived. There is only one thing I am sure. It wasn't the work of man. I am not even sure if it was our faith.. but for certain, it has something to do with Divine powers.

I am still filled with awe and wonder.

He works in ways we cannot see. He will make a way!

Sunday, July 17, 2005

The Legend Behind the Code

It has evolved through the years.

A high school friend's name is Aking. When he became my boyfriend, he gave me my codename, Ikang. When my college friends discovered a letter I received from him, they started teasing me by that name. So be it! My yearbook team shortcut it to Ikz. Since then I was Ikang to my college buddies and Ikz to my J10 buddies. Ikx came out when I misspelled a username name I created.

Many people had asked me why Ikz or Ikx. It's history. It's unique. It's me.

Memories of J10

I was surprised to have that name popped up on my mind. I have forgotten about it already. It's been years.

I have forgotten what it originally meant. To me it is something else. It means the 10th of July.

Linabo Days!

Eleven years have passed. The memory is still fresh. The friendship is still stable. The love is still strong.

How can I forget that day when I ran away from the hustle of the city and decided to spend the night in the mountain with all male friends. Gosh! Good they did not rape me, else they will all fall into that deep cliff beside our tent.

It was fun, so much fun. It was chilling cold. It was drizzling and windy yet the view of the city was overwhelming.

It was the night.

The next day, there was love in the air already. Nobody knew. Nobody felt it. Weeks later they could not believe it. They were frustrated.

All the while I thought they were happy but they were actually frustrated.

I couldn't believe it they were. It gives me laughs.

Dezperate Blogger

No. I am not.

Infact, blogging was in not in my language. I thought all the while that it invades privacy. Until I got across the blogsite of a friend and I realize that it does not have to be public like those which are in Friendster. And even if it does, they don't know me anyway.

So, I was inspired to create one, to back-up my journal which I just scribble on any piece of paper I pick up and those which were in my personal computer.

But I am a desperate writer, I admit, because I envy those people who have or still have the ingenuity for writing. I have lost mine a few years back.

I only tend to write when either when I am depressed or confused.

Now, it's different. I am more confused.

God grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change.

The Tibetan Test

Interesting Test.

These are my results.

1. Priorities - Family, Love, Pride, Career, Money
2. I see myself as a friend. I see my spouse as lazy. I see my enemies as a menace. I see sex as pampagising. I see my life as a journey.
3. Lani - someone I will never forget; Mama - my true friend; Jehu - someone that I really love; Joshua - my twin soul; Cathy Z - someone I will remember for the rest of my life.

My Josh

It was supposed to be Sean but it was less christian so we opted for Joshua. Now we realized that it was the most common name in his generation. Nonetheless, no regrets.

He is an angel. The most caring, sensitive, sweet little angel that I know of. Of course, he does not inherit it from his Mom. We are just the opposite. But opposites attract. We are best friends. We can talk at his level or at our level.

We talk about death, life, finances. He takes part in planning for our future.

He dreams a lot. He wants to get rich... very rich.. so he can be Batman.

He installs his own software - one thing I hate. I keep uninstalling, he keeps reinstalling things. He knows where to find serial numbers. He knows how to crack files. He spies on my password. Urggh! So, I opted to give him a freehand in computer. He even operates his Dad's AutoCAD.

Yet, he is so serious when it comes to his studies. Hope it does not wane.

Saturday, July 16, 2005

The Visit

They are my regular visitors. My grandfather, my cousin and my grandmother. One thing in common - they are all dead. They say that when your dead visits you, they don't usually talk to you.

True. But at least, I got to hug my cousin.


They have their own ways of showing up. My grandfather visits me in our old house. My grandmother takes me back to the house in Cebu. Encounters with my cousins are, on the other hand, mostly emotional.

I know they need me.. they need my prayers.May they rest in peace.

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Am Back!

This is quite a long gap between the last time I wrote the last journal and today… 28 days to be exact. Reason? Maybe, just getting bored with writing again. May 28 Josh arrived from his vacation. Since then, you understand how life is. But since he came home from that long vacation, things have been very good for us. We become closer to each other. He is sooo fun to listen to. Super Bisdak! And he has become very talkative already. And there was school time.

This is the first week of school and I am enjoying the routine. Next week will be different. Back to the real world.. that I cannot pick him up after school 5 days a week. It is exciting to see him goes to school and it is scary also. Maybe because I have set a high expectation of what he will accomplish as a first grader.

Every thing seems to be going very fine for the whole family. Every one is cool tempered and sweet.

Tomorrow, we are going swimming. We are invited to Mary Ann’s son’s birthday in Antipolo. And after that, I will be off to a get together of our team at the Red Gate’s place (actually, Toots’ place). It will be the first time I’m going out with PS people. Should Yvette’s schedule not canceled, I could have been very busy for two weeks. Next week, I might be going out with Ginger and Lynn. I miss them both already.

I am also looking forward to having some time with Cathy and Hazel. I am trying to revive my socio-emotional relationship with those I am closest with. After all, they are all good friends and close to my heart.

NZ – With a sigh, I feel a bit downhearted that the process was stalled by the lack of funds. I forgot I had to buy Josh books which cost 2T and some groceries for school stuff. Well, that had eaten up the budget for NZ plus with Meralco’s 2.7T bill, what can I say.

I am counting on a coming SSS loan (yet to be processed)… I surely need part of that to start the NZ thingy again.. I am still putting so much hope on it. I hope some blessings will come.

6/18/2005 1:30:27 AM

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