DoomsDay Part2

The shortly awaited major change in our team has finally been announced yesterday. This time, it was kind of sweet to the human ear as 30 of us plus 3 supes will be transferred to a pioneering team. Without second thoughts, no bits of hesitation and no single convincing needed, I volunteered right away as the schedule it offers is appealing and the opportunity is good.

What is sad is that, one of my favorite supes who volunteered was turned down by management and he will remain in the email team. It gets me restless as we both believe that the future of the email team is dim. Knowing his pessimism, I know this is a big blow on him.

My decision so far, unaltered and unadulterated, will remain firm - I am going 'voice' and as opportunity presents itself already, there is no need to move to another company as earlier thought of.

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I have a very disturbing dream today. I heard fire trucks blowing their sirens as a fire broke out just nearby from where I was. People were in panicked and heard them shouting that there were dead people already. I realized that the fire was just in the next building from where I was standing. I called out for Josh and grabbed him and ran for safety. However, I have not seen Jehu. Watching from afar, I saw people going through the ashes looking for charred bodies. Still not finding where Jehu is, I panicked again and started to cry. People pointed me out to the remains of a man's body which they thought was him. Looking at the shoes of the man gave me hope as I believe it was not him. I was already crying out hysterically as plenty of people died in that accident and was afraid he was one of them. A sigh of relief came when he appeared from nowhere, slightly injured but very much alive. More sigh of relief when I woke up and found out it was just one of those bad dreams.

I am just praying I am not seeing future events again unfolding in my dreams.

Quarter Life Crisis

~from an unknown source:

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis”. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and what you do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try to cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed wonder why you cannot meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe they love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topic because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.