Something that I missed

Every more often I get reminiscence of my grade school years and it somehow gave me back the childhood joy, simple and fun.

My elementary years were superb. I got a taste of my first hand fight when I was on the third grade. If I could still remember it clearly, it was over a preferred seat in the classroom. We were waiting for the room to open when I picked the fight with Marinette. That was the first and only fist fight I had been into. I know she couldn’t forget it either but am sure she had forgiven me. We are still best friends.

In my first grade I used to sit in front of the class but was transferred by my teacher at the back, seated with a boy to prevent me from talking too much, but that just got my teacher frustrated. I was still the most talkative in the class. Funny memories from grade one includes the great escape of Kate when I jumped out of the window during an annual immunization. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of my teacher then.

My grandmother was my very own teacher in my second grade but that doesn’t exempt me from being disciplined under her very strict administration. I got my share of pinches in the ear and had knelt with arms stretch when we were told to gather stones for our rock garden. What happened? Of course, the “bida” went with her classmates to a distant beach to gather stones which took us over two hours to go back to class.

Fourth grade was a bit uninteresting. Maybe I started to grow up then. Instead of spending my time running in our school yard, I spent it more often collecting movie snips from newspapers to be rivaled with the best collection from my classmates. It was also the year when I just preferred playing marbles under our building that at one time I got my mom worried a great deal when at six o’clock I still wasn’t home for dinner. Of course the consequence was too much too bear. Maybe on that year I got withdrawn. I also escaped from a school program when I was tasked to recite a poem and just feigned sickness.

Life started to perk up again during the fifth and sixth grade. The fifth grade was full of horror stories because I had a classmate who seemed to have a third eye and was seeing things beyond a 10-year old imagination. It was also on that year that most of the girls in class experienced sexual harassment from a male school teacher. But I guess he didn’t have succeeded that far when his bad intentions raised controversy among the girls in our class and we all totally avoided him. How scary it could have been. Yaiks! Manyakis!

Grade six started as a frustrating year. Some of my classmates really wanted to be in Section A. However, middle of July a few of us were transferred to Section B. It was still homogenous then and it really mattered what section you were in. We cried then. But we could not blame our teacher for transferring us. They transferred us not because we were inferior. It was actually a consequence of what we did the previous grade and that was specifically choosing to enroll in Section B. We had our major reason then and they couldn’t condemn us also. The teacher in Section A for the fifth grade was really a well-known terrorist. She throws erasers and books to her pupils and it was what scared us the most. Well, it turned out that grade six wasn’t bad at all. And I proved it that it didn’t really matter what section you were in just to get the valedictory post.

There were also plenty of mishaps throughout my elementary life. At one time I was splattered with carabao droppings while playing under a mango tree. A classmate threw a huge centipede at me which really gave me the phobia since then. The most terrible was being pulled off my gartered skirt in front of my classmates.

But oh, childhood! Your memories are just soooo sweet and charming. I love the coco-leaf-swing which made me feel like flying in the air. Many times my back hit the trunk of the tree, or my body rolled down the hill when the leaves snapped but it was sooo much fun that I would do it again if I have the opportunity. I loved the rice cakes and I missed them. I simply adore the fun carefree feeling running in the fields chasing dragonflies and grasshoppers and getting soaked in the rain.

How I wish my Josh will get to experience the nicest feeling of growing up in the province where life is just so naïve and pure.

The Frustration

Things were frustrating over the weekend. Something we all did not expect happened at work. It was frustrating for everyone. I almost cried in disbelief, I swear. I know I shouldn’t have let it ruin my week but I am allowing it to. My choice again. I am dispirited not because she is not qualified for the position. In terms of the quality of her work, she could well pass for the position, but it is beyond that.

Why am I anguished over something I don’t have control of? I was not up for the position, not yet, but, why like all other members of the team, was I frustrated over her promotion? I hope she gets to ask this question herself too.

But in all honesty, why am I aggrieved?

I am not sure. Maybe because I just don’t like to see her in the position. ( Help! Somebody stop me from pouring out my judgments! ) She, along with another supe, had become my source of frustration in the team since we started. She, being the pretentious helper, the latter being the second rate trying hard supe. Hahaha! See my post for the “Power Struggle”. I am talking about both of them there. I let them ruin my SA in December. I was rebelling then.

It was really a liberation when we were made part of the Tier 3 team and had our dedicated supe. And thank goodness he did not volunteer for the position way back then. I could have been in Dell now. That is the only consolation I have over her promotion. At least I will not be under her wing, not ever and over my dead toenails.

I have told my supe, I will never bend my ways and try to be “bibo” nor mabait just to get to the supe position. I am what I want to be. I will continue to spank the supervisor of the agents and the agents themselves, who are not doing well in their job. I don’t have to be a supervisor to do that. I had learned to love my team and being a pioneering batch I feel this is part of my calling to protect our integrity.

Sayonara?

Today is the deadline of our on-boarding documents and schedule of picture taking for the Dell badge and I was still thinking of going earlier today but I have to stick to my decision to stay. With a heavy heart I wrote a letter to their HR in-charge declining their offer. What a pain in the heart though.

I know I will get over this feeling soon. I just don’t want to have remorse over not doing something. But this is my decision. It is neither right nor wrong, consequences are. But because I have “chosen” to stay I am ready for the consequences if there are any though I don’t see any coming. Just what if’s… What if most of my team mates leave PS this year? What if something comes up that will dissolve our team this year? What if Dell will transfer to Makati area this year?

No, no! I will not have regrets. I choose to stay. I am happy. I love my team.

If only i could have it all

I started bidding goodbye to my team. A few already knew that I shall be handing in my resignation letter. I decided to formally tell my supe about it. Unfortunately I was not given his blessings. Instead he tried to talk me out to stay pointing out again the factors that have been in my list for a long time. Ahhh.. I had started to let go of them already as the day drew nearer but I got face to face with reality again. It left me sleepless for two nights (days actually), caught between those things that really matter plus my compassion for the team versus the opportunity for a better pay. But I realized that if I could have it all, I’d be the luckiest person on earth. It’s just not like that. I couldn’t have a better pay at Dell and enjoy all the other benefits that I had been getting at PS.

After two sleepless nights, I decided to stay for good. Thanks to my honey who finally cast his vote in favor of my decision. It was such a relief.