SAHM

I love being a stay at home mom. This has been my dream job ever since, believe it or not. I can honestly say, I don't miss my corporate life. Yes it is tiring but it is very rewarding and fun. I just love every minute of it.

I, though, feel guilty about it. Guilty that I was not able to do it for Joshua. If only I had a choice at that time.

Nonetheless, I believe everything happens with a purpose.

Life and Death

November 30 - My sister and her beau arrived from Dipolog. They were here to be my sitters for my baby boy. I was scheduled for a C-section December 2. They brought an abundant supply of food with them: shrimps (superbig), tablea for tsokolate, budbud, bulad (cebuano for dried fish) and some herbs supposedly for tinolang manok :) . Later that day, we had to have a quick run to Market Market. We need some slippers. It was really quick.

At bedtime, I was kinda interrogating my sister how does a "labor" feel as honestly, I was not sure if I know how to identify one. I also told my sister that before the big day I will be indulging in those huge shrimps and a lot of puto-sikwate. Unfortunately, it had became a dream only as that night (or dawn), I sorta felt those contractions as described by my sister. I immediately got up at around 2AM, took Duvadilan as prescribed by my doctor a week earlier to avoid pre-mature labor. But I panicked when I noticed I had spottings before I went back to bed. I texted my doctor who advised me to go to the hospital already.

December 1, 4:43 AM - Joseph clinically came out of my tummy. I heard him cry a few times. I was waiting to see how he looked like but never did. I started to wonder and asked questions. I knew they were suppose to show him to me like when I gave birth to Joshua. The only answer I got everytime I ask about him is, he is okay, that he has to be rushed to the pedia because he was not able to cry immediately. In the afternoon, the pedia came to me to tell me the bad news. My little angel was in the ICU and was being endorsed to a specialist because he had a "little problem" as she called it. But as I was listening to her, it dawned my that the "little problem" meant that my little boy was in a critical condition, in a battle between life and death. They could not even give assurance that he will live. They simply said that it depends on how his little body will respond to the medication.

Joseph had severe sepsis and pneumonia due to meconium staining. They couldn't or maybe would not want to explain why. He was not overdue. I did not get sick except for a simple cold days before I gave birth, my blood pressures were constantly normal.

The day I did manage to get up and take a walk, I got to see my angel for the first time. I couldn't help buy cry. He was so helpless with tubes being inserted to his lungs and stomach. He has to be in a respirator because his lungs were not functioning. He was not breathing on his own. He depended on the machine to do it for him. My poor little boy! What a sad sight. I thought I'd lost him.

Dra. Corpuz told us that the first two days was the most critical, she couldn't tell yet if Joseph will make it. She could not tell at what percentage will he survive. She couldn't tell how soon he will have progress.

December 2 - Nurses said he was improving a bit. He showed signs of his own little breathing. That gave us hope but it had not stopped me from crying everytime I think of him. Daddy was scheduled to come home then. It was supposed to be in January but we needed him now more than ever. To kuya, we explained things on why he couldn't see his brother yet. He understood and as he has always a positive outlook on things said, he was gonna be okay.

Indeed he was. On the third day (December 3) when I went to the ICU, I came looking for my baby. I was not able to recognize him. He was so beautiful. All the tubes were gone!!!!! He no longer needed the respirator. Nurses said he just need a little oxygen. I was ecstatic. My blood pressure shoot up. I did not mind. Iwas just too excited. If only I could run upstairs to my ward to tell my sister the good news. We were all ecstatic.

He made it past the most critical stage. He was meant for us. We asked him from Him and He gave him to us.

Thank you Lord for such a wonderful gift.