Illiterate Pulubi

Just a minute ago, a badjao knocked on the door with an envelop in her hand. The note on the envelop says:

"Ako po ay isang Badjao Tae, humihingi po ako ng tulong sa inyo. Sinungaling po ako. Salamat po."

I don't know if I'll be amused or annoyed. I presume they are the "no read, no write" authentic-badjao-dayo and they probably asked help from someone else to write the message on the envelop.

I just regret I wasn't able to take pictures of that envelop. I rushed outside to call her back but she was fast gone.

Self Management

Yes, not time management is the answer to this seemingly endless time issues battling inside my head. Issues on how I can juggle my time being a mother and temporarily a father too, of my two boys constantly demanding my attention and attending to the demands of my growing number of fans :p (hehehe I am so amused by that statement).

When I was working, I spent 10 hours a day, 5 and sometimes 6 days a week at work away from my family yet no one seemed to complain and I was healthy. There was even a period that we did not have any househelp, I was working night shifts and when I got home in the morning, prepared my Joshua for school, washed some dishes, did some cleaning, slept a little and back to work again. That went on for two straight years. I never got sick aside from common colds and cough. My Josh was at the top of his class then.

But I had dreams. It was my long time dream to be a stay at home mom and a full time wife and when I got pregnant with Joseph and hubby got a good financial opportunity, I was very lucky to have finally fulfill that dream. That's what I thought so. I don't know what has gotten into me that I started to find hobbies that I could do while tabebe was still small. I started selling ukay ukays but only got stressed out from too much physical exertion. After about 6 months, I enrolled in beadcraft workshop and had so much fun making accessories. I started posting my work in a social networking site but not too many noticed them although I have sold quite a plenty to my friends and relatives. I didn't really mind, I wasn't into serious money-making business.

Then at one point, I started to bake. I have my mom's old trusted recipes to try so it wasn't a problem. I thought that a cake would be too big for a small family so I started experimenting on cupcakes using the cake recipes I have. I sell some to our neighbors and some at my son's school. I never really thought that cupcakes were already a hit. How would I know, I don't dine out hehehe. I thought taking pictures of the cupcakes would be fun. I then opened a Multiply site to post the pictures of my cupcakes. That gave birth to Simply Kate's. I didn't really expect people to notice it especially that I don't have a network yet.

Unexpectedly, orders came in and they just keep coming in. Now, I have a big problem, some say happy problem... I can't handle them anymore and my time for my family has suffered. I know this is my own fault as I don't know how to say no. Now, I keep telling myself, this is not what I wanted when I quit work. This was not what I dreamed of. This was not even part of the plan. But I am not quitting. I guess I just need to manage myself another way to cope up with the challenges of being a mother and the growing needs of this little business.

It's Hard to Say No

I never anticipated that turning down orders is this difficult. I feel like closing my doors for blessings that are supposedly coming in. But I just got to say NO with a heavy heart. I just have to keep in mind how my body screamed for rest during those days when I only get 4 hours of sleep every single night. This is the time to cover up from too much sleep debt.

To give importance to the most important persons and things in life, I have to make a decision. When I quit work, I just wanted to be a mother and wife. That was my lifelong dream that as soon as we could afford it, I grabbed the opportunity to fulfil that dream. But I somehow twisted my fate by getting myself into a hobby that turned into a growing business. This is not what I wanted. This is not what I expected to happen. Now I'm confused whether I'd want to give this more opportunity to grow or just leave it to die a natural death by not taking in more of it. Now, I feel guilty whenever I wanted to stop. Many people are looking for opportunity to earn more income but couldn't find one and here I am wanting to quit with already that opportunity in my hand enough to make me feel guilty.

I am soon hiring my aunt's former househelp and I am hoping that loads will lighten up a bit. Somebody can do the procurement, clean up, basic baking and perhaps delivery for me and I will be left with just cake decorating. I can't foresee yet how it will turn out. We'll see in the next two months. For now, I just got to rest.