Aimless Wanderings

I am not ashamed to admit that I spent many years of my life in an endless aimless wanderings and yes, to this moment I am still on board that ship that carries me to nowhere.

Let me show you how directionless my life is. Take note, I am only talking about its career aspect.

During my grade and high school  years, I always answered "to be an engineer" every time I was asked what I wanted to become. After high school graduation, I couldn't decide anymore what to take up in college. Upon my mom's persuasion, I took up teaching. I majored in a subject I was better at, English. While on my second year, I wanted to shift majors. I preferred to have majored in Science but since I don't want to be left behind by my friends, I decided to stick to the original plan. It turned out I didn't want to teach English and I didn't want to teach at all. I ended up a banker. I thought I'd be a banker forever.

Instead after five years in the bank, I resigned and ventured into a business which turned out to be the worst decision I've ever made. When I went back into the workforce, any position except banking was all I wanted. I got into a secretarial work then eventually into human resources. Another uneventful employment. We moved to Manila, got into a human resources job again. I loved it. I wanted to stay with that kind of job but the job didn't like me. When my employment contract ended, I got into a call center. When you're in a big city like Manila where competition is very tough, anything that pays well, regardless of position is all worth it. I never got a chance to be promoted although it wasn't unlikely because after two years, I decided to leave the workforce to pursue what I dreamed of becoming... a housewife and stay-at-home-mom.

To be honest with you this is the best position I have ever held. I would not want to relinquish my throne. I am enjoying the freedom it gives me. I can work at home if I choose to. I did for over a year. I baked for profit, it was so much fun. However, since we have to move to Singapore and eventually to Dipolog, I left the industry.

Now, faced with a little uncertainty, I wanted to earn back an income I've lost. I am back to my aimless wanderings but this time with only a few choices, employment not one of them. I will be working from home but I am torn between taking a guaranteed paid job or do what I wish to do with no guarantee of payment.

I am back on the boat again and starting on a journey to nowhere while savoring every moment of the now here. I don't regret not having used my degree to serve its purpose. Much of my friends would say it's "sayang" (a waste) that I graduated with honors and haven't benefited from it. No regrets. I don't envy colleagues who now hold higher positions in the industry. Despite the lack of career stature, I love where I am at the moment. I am not rich, I don't have material possessions but I have freedom and I am happy. A little confused but definitely HAPPY.

Drowning

The past days I had scary dreams seeing my little boy in the water in what seemed like a drowning scene but is actually not. It's either he comes out of the water just fine or he just manages to swim. I don't feel good with dreams like this and try to be cautious and watchful with his health as in the past similar dreams were consequently followed by sickness and my fears were given justice, he got cough and colds today.

Weeks before I gave birth to Joseph, I had several dreams about drowning. Jehu drowning, Joshua drowning. Pretty scary. Joseph struggled for his life when he came out of this world.

Just before he was a year old, I got the same bouts of dreams. Weeks later, he got very ill with asthma. This is why drowning dreams scares me a lot. However, it gives me a heads up.

Ego

.... is hurt, that it did not get what it wants
.... but presence overcomes it and ego did not survive what it perceived as an attack
.... ego wants to fight back but with awareness it's defeated, for now
.... and so the process continues until what's left is being

my weird dreams are coming back, it's been a long time since i haven't had one and when i woke up this morning i was damned too tired, body aching so badly, got so stressed out from days of unending time on the road. anyhow, i got the much deserved massage today and felt relieved

Flying Session

Sleeping from 6-10AM isn't oversleeping, I'd like to justify. I was just trying to catch up some sleep while the kids were expected to wake up late and I wasn't regretful at all. Nope, especially when during those three hours all I did was flyyyyyy! It's been ages since I last dreamed of flying and boy, I was so happy hahaha. I felt like a kid again.

A FAT KID!

A Visit from Grandpa

We were sitting in a place that looked like a park. There was Lola Luz and some other family members when suddenly Daddy Toting seated on the other edge of the bench I was sitting on. He put up his feet on the bench and smiled. I told him it's been quite a while since he came to show up. I asked anyone around if they saw him. Nobody except Jon, my nephew, saw Lolo Toting and Jon was quite scared to even look at him.

He looked the same since the last time I saw him alive, more than 10 years ago. He hasn't showed up in my dreams as he used to for the longest time now, probably more than 3 years already. In my dreams he was asking Arnold, my brother in law, the status of their PR (Permanent Residence) application. Then Jehu woke me up. "Hay distorbo mo, di pa kami tapos mag-usap ng lolo ko".

Lolo Toting came to me last night to remind me of two things:

September 16 - our schedule for submission of PR application
September 17 - his death anniversary

Crazy? Of course not, I was very used to having departed loved ones visit me in my dreams to remind me of their birthdays and death anniversaries.

Chippendales Dance

Sorry, I just can't help it, I'm having so much fun with this...

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JOWLS: Starring Jehu, Josh & Joseph

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What's Your Discipline Gadget?

Am I a bad momma if I induce corporal punishment on my kids at times? Would you do it to your kids and do you believe that corporal punishment is sometimes necessary to instill discipline in your children?

My hubby and I are guilty as charge as being lenient parents probably giving our kids too much freedom of expression at home. I consider them lucky. I grew up with a firewood or belt on my butt and mongo seeds or salt on my knees all the time. I shudder at the thought but I never hated my mom for doing such. However, I never want my kids to experience the same.

But I do I have this at home.

Small canes like this are sold
in stores here in Singapore

 
We bought it for the sake of fun but had never used it on my boys. I never needed it.

This is enough.

And I could use this if I want to, but I don't.

Yes, I do give my two boys a whip when needed but this is the form of discipline that is sparingly used at home. It is extreme measure for us and a whip or two is already enough. I am proud to say that my kids are not rowdy. They are just kids. Makulit, malikot minsan, maingay, makalat but that's what kids are.

Cane Stroke: Would you want it in the Philippines?

For quite sometime now I have been intrigued how the caning punishment in countries like Malaysia and Singapore feels like and thought it's funny as a form of punishment. However, a news struck me again today about a Malaysian model who will be sentenced to 6 strokes of caning for drinking beer. I saw the video below months back while searching about this punishment but never thought that judicial caning is worst than I imagined.



Until today I finally did some digging in the net to find out just how painful is a cane stroke and why it looks like it's being dreaded as a form of punishment. The fact that it is the second highest form of punishment next to death sentence in Malaysia shows just how horrible it could be.

Caning officials wear protective smocks, gloves, and goggles in order to avoid contact with blood and flesh.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Then I thought.... could this be effective if implemented in the Philippines against law offenders? No, not for the hardcore criminals like rapists and murderers.. come on, it would not have effect on them, don't you think? I think mas bagay eto sa mga snatchers, holdapers at mga magnanakaw na kapitbahay.They're the type of offenders who are most of the times just released back to the streets after a very short period only to commit the same crime and caught over and over again. Now think.... if they will be caned before they are released to the society again most likely they'd dread the pains of being caught. Hindi man sila mabugbog ng taong bayan, wasak naman pwet nila sa 'kin pwede na yon.

So what dya think?

I Attended Neale Donald Walsch's Talk

As soon as I heard the voice I recognized it and run outside to join the crowd listening to him. I haven't heard Neale Donald Walsch's speech but last night it was as if I have heard his voice all my life that I didn't have a hard time recognizing it was him speaking. I didn't understand what he was speaking about. I couldn't remember a thing. All I could remember was I went there to get his autograph. Yaiks! Of all the things to do!


But it's amazing, I met Manols there, the man responsible for introducing Walsch writings to me. And boy, I knew I wasn't just in my dreams. I was there somewhere in the past or the future. I don't need to convince you. I don't even need to convince myself.

Will Read 'The Power of Now' Tomorrow

Title -> pun intended

I've finally gotten hold of the book after months of waiting. No, not waiting for copies to be available. Waiting for myself to finally pick up the book and pay it. I've picked it up many times but wouldn't want to buy it because I know in the Philippines this cost cheaper. Hay, umiiral ang ka cory.
I picked it up once in Kinokuniya but did not pay it because it costs over 20 bucks. I thought I would just buy it at San Bookstore in LotOne, a mall in Choa Chu Kang because I saw it costs only $11.00+. That's half the price. So one day, not so long ago (about a three weeks), I finally decided to buy it, picked it up, handed the cashier $12.00 only to be told it costs $23.50. The $11.50 on the pricetag is the rebate if I opt to return the book after one month. Rent, in short. Oh gosh, I thought that was it. I only got $15 bucks in my wallet so there was no way I could buy it.

Just the other day, I finally bought it. Bought. I don't have intentions of returning it. I am keeping it. I don't need reviews or endorsements for me to be convinced about the authenticity of the book nor the author. I have gone through Books 1-3 of Conversations with God so absorbing and remembering my truths with this book would be a breeze.

I am not making a book review here. I am not good at it. I will just say that it is worth reading if you have an open mind. Read for yourself and find out your truth.

For now, I am still at the first chapters. Great, I am reading The Power of Now tomorrow. I still have other things to finish for now.

My 18-55mm is Back, thanks David (Fatigue)

Just after a day after sending it to David, (Fatigue, the repairman) he texted me saying that the lens was fixed even though he mentioned repair would take a week. Great job David, highly recommended for those in Singapore who needs repair for their lenses. Much more the charge was very minimal.

Thanks again, David!

PS: If you need David's number, leave me a comment.

Retire Nikkor 15-55mm

August 02, 2009 - An unfateful Sunday afternoon at Choa Chu Kang Park. I just turned my back for a few seconds to kill the mosquito on my son's forehead and a toddler toppled the tripod I had mounted which sent my Nikon down with a bang. Who can afford to get mad at a kid just as old as my little lovely boy? All I could say was "oh, okay, no problem". The truth is.. big problem.

My 15-55mm lens jammed because of the fall and now I am left with 50-200mm. Imagine how difficult it is to take a close up shot of kids at play with a long lens. And imagine taking macro with it.

I have to take it to the repairman tomorrow who happens to be a Filipino also. I am pretty positive he can still fix it. Better than buying a new lens for over 200bucks.

This is all I could live with for now until I can get my hand on a Tamron 18-270mm, whotwhoo!

I've Conquered Video Games

A major breakthrough I have done very lately is conquering the world of video games.

Six years ago, Joshua at the age of 3 was first exposed to the world of video games when one night his dad installed Warcraft in our computer (without my permission!). At four he was already playing R-18 video games in the computer. Call of Duty, Medal of Honor, name it, he's probably played it. Although, he also had educational games like Jumpstart, his preference was on the excitement provided by the violent games.

And maybe you would ask why I allowed it? Because I played them too. Dad oftentimes played with Josh and it seemed like everyone's enjoying, so who would resist. It didn't bother me then as Josh was doing well in school, really doing well to make it to the honors list.

But things started to change when his dad was assigned an overseas work and has gotten the money and opportunity to buy our first game console - The XBOX 360. Don't get it wrong, I objected to the idea of buying any game console but heck, what can I do when he just came home with the console already in his luggage.

However, it didn't end there. Next came PS2, soon there's Sony PSP and Nintendo DS Lite.

As most video games does, Josh got hooked with video games buying cd's after cd's. Back in the Philippines it is very easy to get addicted to video games as there are thousands of PIRATED games sold anywhere at just 5-10% the price of original video games, how convenient! Imagine buying a pirated version of Gears of War for just P150.00 (US$3.00) than buying the original CD for almost a hundred bucks and still get the same fun.

Looking back, I regretted every moment that I wasn't able to take control of my son's playing habit. A busy schedule sometimes necessitates parents to let their kids play video games to keep them busy too and avoid interfering with the parents busy schedule. In short, letting the video games or tv do the baby sitting. How bad of me! This has taken a toll on Joshua's studies. He was playing more than he was studying and his attention span affected.

But one day, the breakthrough happened. Our moved to Singapore provided me the big opportunity to finally put almost everything behind, literally. The Xbox which was due for repair was left in Manila while the PS2 went to the custody of my nephew.



Yes, I am proud to say that Jehu and my son Josh has finally accepted the reality (with a heavy heart) that there will be NO MORE game console in our living room and yesterday while we were at the mall, they tried to sweet talk me to allow them to have even just a Wii. NO, NO, NO! My answer is final and I'm not going to give in.

Since we had given up those addictions, Josh is into drawing again. Now, he's into animation. I wouldn't mind. Just no violent and addicting games.