Something that I missed

Every more often I get reminiscence of my grade school years and it somehow gave me back the childhood joy, simple and fun.

My elementary years were superb. I got a taste of my first hand fight when I was on the third grade. If I could still remember it clearly, it was over a preferred seat in the classroom. We were waiting for the room to open when I picked the fight with Marinette. That was the first and only fist fight I had been into. I know she couldn’t forget it either but am sure she had forgiven me. We are still best friends.

In my first grade I used to sit in front of the class but was transferred by my teacher at the back, seated with a boy to prevent me from talking too much, but that just got my teacher frustrated. I was still the most talkative in the class. Funny memories from grade one includes the great escape of Kate when I jumped out of the window during an annual immunization. I couldn’t imagine the nightmare of my teacher then.

My grandmother was my very own teacher in my second grade but that doesn’t exempt me from being disciplined under her very strict administration. I got my share of pinches in the ear and had knelt with arms stretch when we were told to gather stones for our rock garden. What happened? Of course, the “bida” went with her classmates to a distant beach to gather stones which took us over two hours to go back to class.

Fourth grade was a bit uninteresting. Maybe I started to grow up then. Instead of spending my time running in our school yard, I spent it more often collecting movie snips from newspapers to be rivaled with the best collection from my classmates. It was also the year when I just preferred playing marbles under our building that at one time I got my mom worried a great deal when at six o’clock I still wasn’t home for dinner. Of course the consequence was too much too bear. Maybe on that year I got withdrawn. I also escaped from a school program when I was tasked to recite a poem and just feigned sickness.

Life started to perk up again during the fifth and sixth grade. The fifth grade was full of horror stories because I had a classmate who seemed to have a third eye and was seeing things beyond a 10-year old imagination. It was also on that year that most of the girls in class experienced sexual harassment from a male school teacher. But I guess he didn’t have succeeded that far when his bad intentions raised controversy among the girls in our class and we all totally avoided him. How scary it could have been. Yaiks! Manyakis!

Grade six started as a frustrating year. Some of my classmates really wanted to be in Section A. However, middle of July a few of us were transferred to Section B. It was still homogenous then and it really mattered what section you were in. We cried then. But we could not blame our teacher for transferring us. They transferred us not because we were inferior. It was actually a consequence of what we did the previous grade and that was specifically choosing to enroll in Section B. We had our major reason then and they couldn’t condemn us also. The teacher in Section A for the fifth grade was really a well-known terrorist. She throws erasers and books to her pupils and it was what scared us the most. Well, it turned out that grade six wasn’t bad at all. And I proved it that it didn’t really matter what section you were in just to get the valedictory post.

There were also plenty of mishaps throughout my elementary life. At one time I was splattered with carabao droppings while playing under a mango tree. A classmate threw a huge centipede at me which really gave me the phobia since then. The most terrible was being pulled off my gartered skirt in front of my classmates.

But oh, childhood! Your memories are just soooo sweet and charming. I love the coco-leaf-swing which made me feel like flying in the air. Many times my back hit the trunk of the tree, or my body rolled down the hill when the leaves snapped but it was sooo much fun that I would do it again if I have the opportunity. I loved the rice cakes and I missed them. I simply adore the fun carefree feeling running in the fields chasing dragonflies and grasshoppers and getting soaked in the rain.

How I wish my Josh will get to experience the nicest feeling of growing up in the province where life is just so naïve and pure.

The Frustration

Things were frustrating over the weekend. Something we all did not expect happened at work. It was frustrating for everyone. I almost cried in disbelief, I swear. I know I shouldn’t have let it ruin my week but I am allowing it to. My choice again. I am dispirited not because she is not qualified for the position. In terms of the quality of her work, she could well pass for the position, but it is beyond that.

Why am I anguished over something I don’t have control of? I was not up for the position, not yet, but, why like all other members of the team, was I frustrated over her promotion? I hope she gets to ask this question herself too.

But in all honesty, why am I aggrieved?

I am not sure. Maybe because I just don’t like to see her in the position. ( Help! Somebody stop me from pouring out my judgments! ) She, along with another supe, had become my source of frustration in the team since we started. She, being the pretentious helper, the latter being the second rate trying hard supe. Hahaha! See my post for the “Power Struggle”. I am talking about both of them there. I let them ruin my SA in December. I was rebelling then.

It was really a liberation when we were made part of the Tier 3 team and had our dedicated supe. And thank goodness he did not volunteer for the position way back then. I could have been in Dell now. That is the only consolation I have over her promotion. At least I will not be under her wing, not ever and over my dead toenails.

I have told my supe, I will never bend my ways and try to be “bibo” nor mabait just to get to the supe position. I am what I want to be. I will continue to spank the supervisor of the agents and the agents themselves, who are not doing well in their job. I don’t have to be a supervisor to do that. I had learned to love my team and being a pioneering batch I feel this is part of my calling to protect our integrity.

Sayonara?

Today is the deadline of our on-boarding documents and schedule of picture taking for the Dell badge and I was still thinking of going earlier today but I have to stick to my decision to stay. With a heavy heart I wrote a letter to their HR in-charge declining their offer. What a pain in the heart though.

I know I will get over this feeling soon. I just don’t want to have remorse over not doing something. But this is my decision. It is neither right nor wrong, consequences are. But because I have “chosen” to stay I am ready for the consequences if there are any though I don’t see any coming. Just what if’s… What if most of my team mates leave PS this year? What if something comes up that will dissolve our team this year? What if Dell will transfer to Makati area this year?

No, no! I will not have regrets. I choose to stay. I am happy. I love my team.

If only i could have it all

I started bidding goodbye to my team. A few already knew that I shall be handing in my resignation letter. I decided to formally tell my supe about it. Unfortunately I was not given his blessings. Instead he tried to talk me out to stay pointing out again the factors that have been in my list for a long time. Ahhh.. I had started to let go of them already as the day drew nearer but I got face to face with reality again. It left me sleepless for two nights (days actually), caught between those things that really matter plus my compassion for the team versus the opportunity for a better pay. But I realized that if I could have it all, I’d be the luckiest person on earth. It’s just not like that. I couldn’t have a better pay at Dell and enjoy all the other benefits that I had been getting at PS.

After two sleepless nights, I decided to stay for good. Thanks to my honey who finally cast his vote in favor of my decision. It was such a relief.

Mamingaw nga Pasko!

Are Christmas eves getting gloomier each year?

I can remember our first Christmas here in Manila it was merry. There were plenty of fireworks around. New Year was merrier though, as expected.

This year’s Christmas was so dull that we only saw a few “kwitis” being lighted. Even Makati City only had a 3-minute fireworks display. Are people reserving the merry making for New Year’s eve or are budgets just too tight to waste them for temporary happiness?

For us, Christmas was just like those of the previous years. It’s been quite sometime that we had been spending the season on our own. Manileños have their traditional exchanging of gifts with their relatives and friends. We never had that tradition way back in the province. (Maybe because our neighborhood couldn’t afford it). The good side of it is, you will be getting plenty of gifts. The bad side of it is, you will be spending so much for gifts too because you will be shamed if you don’t give in return. Well, it happens just once a year but I hope in the future they will change that tradition and instead they will be buying and giving the gifts to those whom they do not expect to hand them something back – to the least fortunate. Haaay! What a bright world it would be!

I pity my father. He said he’s having the loneliest Christmas in his entire life – in the US! I can just imagine. If Christmas in the Philippines is dull, what more can we expect for Christmas in the US. As another Filipino in the states said, “it’s like todos los santos”. Papa said he never heard even just a single “putok”. What a pity!

On Tardiness

It’s sad to note that I won’t be receiving a full performance bonus this month because of my ‘recent’ habitual tardiness and absenteeism. It just started with a 30-minute late and the whole month’s stats for attendance is already on the track to being doomed. At least now I am not dependent on it to get the best shift. That’s the privilege of being a special queue agent. Aha! So this means that my good schedule adherence for the past months was with a purpose? Of course, yes! Well, no. My absences were really reasonable. First I was really sick. Second, I was also sick. Hahaha! Nope, the second one was caused by my worthless yaya.

Now, it seems that I am branded as the ‘call in’ girl that I have to carry the remorse in my dreams. While sleeping this afternoon, I dreamt that I was getting late for work and it worries me a lot because I have kept my word not to be absent again. Gosh, it really hit me hard. I hope I will not more reasons to be absent this month. I can only hope.

High Blood!

I felt blood rushing to my head and my heart pounding fast. I was too irritated that I am ready to give up the script I had prepared for casting out my househelp. This has now turned into an evil plan if that’s what you call it.

Okay, okay, it is just a sandal but for me it is beyond that. It is the ATTITUDE! I can’t bear one more day to have her in our home. I am losing all my senses out of rage for her lack of attitude.

I haven’t had a house-help as intolerable as her, promise. I am just too afraid to kick her ass out and have her live with her cousin as I do not know if there is evil in her heart. She might get back at us in her evil ways. I just hope not.

All I can say now is that tomorrow will be goodbye for her.

(Gee, I remember Shiela Batayola, my classmate in TDS. She loves firing yayas!)

Estoy Aburrida!

It's so obvious that I've got less to do in my life today that I am able to spend time writing posts for my blog. Well, I was just able to get a good night sleep last night because I did not report for work as I called in sick. I was not feeling well a bit because I had my bouts of insomnia again despite having taken medication for cough which supposedly will make me feel drowsy. The exact opposite just happened and I had wasted my time with the toss and turns in bed thinking how I can get to sleep. That gave me a terrible day and I know that if I’m going to force myself to work, I would be very sick the next day.

Well, my S.A. (attendance in particular) had been worst this month with over 30 minutes of late already so I guess an additional day to it would not make it worst anymore because it already is… :)

I feel better now though I am still indulging in some tasty calamansi concentrate to get more fluid into my body. Sad to say I am not much of a water drinker so to take more liquid in, it has to be flavored. (sosyal!). And I am anticipating another restful night as we are off for the Thanksgiving Day, thanks to that!

Well, for now I seem not to mind anymore whether I will still get that perfect attendance. It’s hard when your heart is partly not in the team anymore. In short, as my luv would say it, “gasalig”.


So what am I suppose to do today?

Well, I started my day performing a typical housewife’s work – preparing breakfast and as soon as dad stepped out of the house, I was glued in front of the PC. I have to do it fast because the system administrator is still asleep. I started with a few Spanish online tutorial, played the addictive Xraye game (I’m sorry that I have to cheat to get to the next level), check some mails, chat with some friends while listening to some good music, and now, updating my blog.

You see, I really got plenty of things to do! Am busy, you know!

As soon as the master wakes up, am outta here. He thinks he owns this computer.

I have to see Nanay Niknik (watta name!) today. Oppss.. I still need to prepare the proposal. I better make it soon.

And gosh, I still have to buy that plane ticket for dad and catch up some more sleep later. I’d be really busy today! :-)

Grrrr.......

I can't wait for next week to tell my household help that I have to fire her :( Well, I am breaking it to her in a very nice and dramatic way. Whaah! Dramatic because I have to create a drama so she will not feel mad that I have to kick her ass out of the house. I am just too afraid that she might do something unpleasant if I will just tell her directly that I can no longer tolerate her yuckiness and laziness :(

At least the two months chance I have given her is more than enough for me to suffer from heart attack. Hahaha! I really haven't gotten across somebody just as irritating as her. Gosh! So what am I ranting when I am letting her go? Well, la lang.

Well, at least I would be happy soon. She's just too much to bear! Karin... san mo ba napulot to? Arrggghhh!

Initial D

The Initial D-cision

I thought it was going to be a quite easy decision but then again I was wrong. There are some things that need to be considered. But as of now, I am really happy that I made it. The interview was not really that tough as most of the questions are just practical applications of what I have learned. Though I was not able to thoroughly answer some of the questions, I guess being totally honest about it has what made me through. Not all techie people and people who had the needed experience in call centers made it. To be selected is really a privilege, so to say.

What's confusing me is not really the package at all because I believe in my heart that those who will make it will be rewarded accordingly. The present package is equally good. What's holding me back is the thought of leaving the comfort zone of what I am currently doing.

It is difficult to trade the leniency of my current work to the hassled and hurried world of inbound technical support. I should know as I have several friends taking inbound calls. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how comfortable I had become being lazy at work.

However, at the time of this writing I have made my decision already. I have complied with their requirements already and almost ready to leave my present work. I just have to accomplish some personal goals before I go. It would soon be goodbye. I hate to think about it. I hate to say goodbye to friends but I am as well excited to say hello to new ones. I am taking this to new heights.

(Well, now at least it feels good to know that one of our trainers is on the same ship also :)

The Power Struggle

I guess this is my only chance to pour out all my aversion against some power struggle in our team. I couldn’t talk to anyone about this in the office as I do not want to stir up anyone’s sanity.

Some people are just so insecure and hungry for credit and power. They think that being senior in terms of tenure means that they know a lot already. They want to be always acknowledged that they are good, they are in power and they are still Tier 2 when in fact they are not. They want special powers, special permissions and even blatantly asking if they have one. They hated the idea that some people are just better than them. They forgot that they started altogether in the new skill set. They purposely sometimes make remarks as if to provoke these individuals who they think is trying to steal the limelight.

And why am I able to say this? Because I felt I have become their victim and I can’t stand it. I do not hunger for credit, I do not want it either. I do my work well without expecting anything in return. I do it as part of my personal calling and if I do it well, it is because I do not want to retire at the end of the day and become accountable for what I have not done. I never want a substandard work and I expect the same from other people. I am too shy to receive credit for anything I have done well and yet, other people are just too hungry about it.

I maybe very vocal about ideas and opinions because I felt that my superiors are not open minded. They tend to not bear anyone who question procedures. They are too full of pride not to admit mistakes and are always on the brink of proving that they are right and oftentimes admit their mistakes through memos they issue at a later date. Duh! Mga hambog!

This makes me want to leave the team soon. This is the first time after one year here that I have thoughts of leaving the company. When things are no longer healthy, the best thing to do is to swim out of it rather than stay and continue swimming against the tide.

Just as soon as the 13th month is released I will be spending time for the next career move.

(Hah! Since it is this easy to go job hopping in the call center industry, this makes me wanna do this.. Yahooooo!)

Will it soon be goodbye?

Two more days and this is getting exciting for me. I hope by then I will know if I will be jumping ship by next year or not. I am too excited for this. Of course, nobody knows how excited I am but my family. Even if some of my colleagues know that I am pursuing this second opportunity, I never showed them that I am too excited to get out of my present job. What they know is I am just trying my luck and trying to test the waters if the compensation package is good. But deep in my heart, failure to make it to the final interview would be a big disappointment for me.

Why?

Am I expecting a bigger compensation package from them? Yes, of course, otherwise I will not even think about it. I would be lying if I would deny that it is one of the major reasons I am even thinking about it. A 25% difference in net pay is already a lot.

Is it my only reason?

No. Although that is my first consideration.

So what are my other reasons?

Kinda hard to explain. Hard ba? Yes, because, the team I am into is what everyone wants to be part of. With some petiks time -- oh, sometimes not just “some petiks time” but “so much petiks time”-- who would not want to become part of it? Everyone out there who knows what we are doing in our job will envy us. I for sure am enjoying that fact. Naloloka naba ako? Ang saya saya nga non!

But sometimes, it just gets too boring.

The job in itself is backend processing with some outbound calls to customers or vendors. It is relatively easy and sometimes just requires common sense. After like 2-3 months of doing it, you can perform your task with eyes closed. Just like my “teller-ing” work before. There are no technical skills required, just simply common sense and good communication skills (which you will use when you contact customers and vendors). This is where I feel stagnant. I am not learning anything more, nothing more to add to my appetite to further improve my technical abilities. My brain is starting to rust.

Aside from that, I hate to see the power struggle in this new team. I do respect that they are our superiors in terms of the positions they are holding but they are not superior in terms of knowledge about the task or the skill set. We all started with the same knowledge base. Yet, they are always out there to prove something else every time an agent question a procedure. Crap! I thought I was over with this. I should post all these power struggle observation in another post.

So that’s it! They are some of the major reasons why I am thinking of moving to another center by next year. But there are still a few good reasons why I would still stay.

October 12-17

This is laziness:

10.12.05

Now I panicked, this is the second time I had nosebleed from last week. I visited the clinic during my shift and inquired some causes for nose bleeding. The nurse mentioned one is hypertension so to my curiosity I had my BP taken and boy, it was 130/90.

10.13.05

Now the worst, I am having flu. Second day of BP-taking and it was 130/70. When I checked my records earlier, I had only 110/70 during the annual PE. I have to get a one-week record to establish facts.

10.14.05

Yeheey, payroll day. The nurse is absent today. I am feeling worst from flu. I have to file a PTO for Monday for surely I’m going to be very sick. Indeed, I was!

10.15.05

Of course, instead of sleeping, me and my loves went to Market!Market! to buy stuff from Ace hardware using our credit memo from the sewing machine. We got a can of paint and plenty of other stuff for the lipat-bahay thingy. And yeah, I ended up getting sicker, sickest I guess that I have to sleep pretty early.

10.16.05

Despite not feeling well, I still manage to wake up early as I got very excited. Painted the cabinet’s and windows at auntie’s place. Boy, it was indeed very tiring.. super duper tiring! But it’s great to see your work of art at the end of the day.

10.17.05

I have to see the doctor today as promised to myself and so as not to defeat the purpose of having a paid time-off (pto). Well, the doctor was so kind to tell me that I’m perfectly fine despite my physical difficulty of speaking due to sore throat and recommended nothing except plenty of water and rest. Hmnn.. great. BP is regular.

From the doctor's office, I walked my way to Smart Wireless center to apply for wi-fi, dropped by some bodega sale and bought some utensils, went to the office to leave the locker key for Vi, went to Market!Market! again to buy ink for printer and some bond paper. When I reach home, I started painting again. Whew!

10.18.05

I have had my day of "konsimi" from my YY. To this day, I have promised to myself that I will be getting rid of her. She will only be up to one month. I have all the reason to dispose of her… hehehe! So evil! But I would not want anymore month of her.. period! Better get a stay-out help. I would not mind paying the same or more for less hassle. Whew again! No need to justify my act. I need my privacy back!

Insomnia

If it is true that lack of sleep can cut down some years on a person’s life, then if I'm suppose to live a hundred years, now it's down to 50. For a year since I started working in a call center, I had always been into the graveyard shift. The latter part of the one year vampire mode left me with no more than 6 hours of straight sleep each day. I am even lucky enough if I can get 6 hours of broken sleep. Keeping the room dark to simulate night, most of the time does not help. Getting a househelp did help, but still, getting 6 hours of sleep each day is a dilemma. I’m starting to think that I already am insomniac. They say that drinking hot milk helps but I guess a bonamine tablet would be better. Though am thinking of it, I would not want to start doing it as I might get addicted.

My present state leaves me off to thinking about moving into other departments which offer more shift options. But this only gives me the challenge to move to other call centers instead. If I have to move into another rep position, I’d better be in one that pays better and offers more income opportunity.

- - - - - - - -
Well, if in the next few hours I would only be spending it twisting and turning in bed and exhausting my mind, I would better get myself on the go and start exploring other possibilities. Aha! I really have so much to do that I had not done in the past months.

- - - - - - - -
Opening a bank account for my Josh? Oh well, maybe will do it next week when I have the resources.

Smart Wi-Fi? Will I go to their office now and fill out an application form? I’m having second thoughts about it as it is an additional expense. Tsk! But it will not cost me a thing to have the information whether we are serviceable or not and it can only be done if I fill out an application form.

If I’d be going to Smart today, then I better drop by at PBCom and check that call center which a friend says offers 35K as basic pay. Boy, that’s big! I don’t mind if they have 30 tools to use.

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Oh well, what happened today was that I went to Market!Market! instead and returned the sewing machine that is sub-standard. Good thing Ace never insist and agreed to have the product replaced by other items coz I’m definitely not gonna get another JML item again.. maybe except for Spotless. So instead am thinking of getting cans of paint or linoleum for the floor.

Went home at around 3PM hoping to get sleepy when I reach home. Well, the expected happened and even if I turned on the aircon still can’t sleep. Might as well make my time productive. Tried some cleaning solutions at auntie’s unit. Of course, I would not want to exhaust myself so here I am writing trying to let time pass by.

Jehu does not suggest that I find another job to solve this sleep disorder but instead find a medical remedy first. Well, good idea. Then maybe bonamine or valium will work. Hmnn… I’m gonna become the future drug dependent.

DoomsDay Part2

The shortly awaited major change in our team has finally been announced yesterday. This time, it was kind of sweet to the human ear as 30 of us plus 3 supes will be transferred to a pioneering team. Without second thoughts, no bits of hesitation and no single convincing needed, I volunteered right away as the schedule it offers is appealing and the opportunity is good.

What is sad is that, one of my favorite supes who volunteered was turned down by management and he will remain in the email team. It gets me restless as we both believe that the future of the email team is dim. Knowing his pessimism, I know this is a big blow on him.

My decision so far, unaltered and unadulterated, will remain firm - I am going 'voice' and as opportunity presents itself already, there is no need to move to another company as earlier thought of.

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I have a very disturbing dream today. I heard fire trucks blowing their sirens as a fire broke out just nearby from where I was. People were in panicked and heard them shouting that there were dead people already. I realized that the fire was just in the next building from where I was standing. I called out for Josh and grabbed him and ran for safety. However, I have not seen Jehu. Watching from afar, I saw people going through the ashes looking for charred bodies. Still not finding where Jehu is, I panicked again and started to cry. People pointed me out to the remains of a man's body which they thought was him. Looking at the shoes of the man gave me hope as I believe it was not him. I was already crying out hysterically as plenty of people died in that accident and was afraid he was one of them. A sigh of relief came when he appeared from nowhere, slightly injured but very much alive. More sigh of relief when I woke up and found out it was just one of those bad dreams.

I am just praying I am not seeing future events again unfolding in my dreams.

Quarter Life Crisis

~from an unknown source:

They call it the “Quarter-life Crisis”. It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of things about yourself that you didn’t know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now.

You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren’t exactly the greatest people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or insincere, but they are as confused as you.

You look at your job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren’t so great after all.

You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and what you do not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are insecure and then secure.

You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is the enemy and you try to cling on to the past with dear life but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you or you lay in bed wonder why you cannot meet anyone decent enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe they love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic.

You go through the same emotions and questions over and over and talk with your friends about the same topic because you cannot seem to make a decision.

You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now you’d just like to be a contender! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

Dreams808

Just another series of wild dreams from the creative mind of the author.

I was convinced that no mosquito has bitten me during my sleep today, much more not on my heel but I was itching so much on those places in my sleep. To my horror, I found out that those mosquitos were not from the outside from the inside. The inside of my body, my heels and foot in particular. As they come out and emerge from my feet, they produces itchiness.

Then because of that I was exorcised by a man who looked familiar but whom I could not identify who. Ano ako possessed? But anyhow, while he was exorcising, he was pushing my back which gave me so much pain. I was trying to scream in my sleep from the pain but I couldn't hear my voice. After a long struggle, I was freed and the next scene I know was they were looking for some infestations in our area.


There was digging and more diggings until they found different carcasses including that of a gigantic rodent and a man. Yaiks! Na naman! Another horrid dream.

Jehu paid the man a thousand bucks for that.

Hmn, I hope the dream does not mean anything. Not related to future events that's gonna happen. God forbids!

On a lighter note, I found some nice place in my dream. A pool which our neighbor built with waters so clear.

Waters in dreams, they say, signifies emotions. In my whole life, water has always been the constant object in my dreams. When it is clear, it means I am at peace and attune to my present emotions. I believe so.

That's what Friends are for!

A few days more to go and we will be celebrating our first year anniversary in the company. Time seems to pass by so quickly. This is so far the best corporate year I ever had after 5 long years. That is because this is so far the best job (though not the best paying job) that I ever have in terms of work load and pressure. It is incomparable considering what I went through as a banker and a human resource practitioner.

This is the only job that has enabled me to balance both family and work not compromising one for the other. This is why PS rocks!

In my 12 months stay, I have developed close and not so close friendship. Maybe because I am very selective with whom I associate with.

Just like the UBP days! Gosh!

The UBP times was the best in terms of friendship. That was the most solid friendship I ever had (next to YM). Without them, life would be so damn dull and hectic. It was the most pressured work by experience, so without those people, I would have been dead eight years ago. It was kinda sad when each of us has to go on our separate ways first by individual marriages then when we were scattered into the operations department then finally, by migration.

I could still recall those Cebu Plaza or Sacred Hearts nights when we would waddle in the pool at night and eat lumi afterwards - or the Tambuli and White Sand days when we would walk around the beach in our swimming suit. Goodness! I am pretty sure it would be hard to do that now without facing so much shame. There are too much memories to mention but each is carefully embedded in my heart. How I miss their company!

But as life moves on, we meet other people, other deserving people. People whom we can never forget. People who also become part of our lives and who also occupy spaces in our hearts. I am thankful that I was able to have and keep them.

Time may pass by so quickly but each year will be joyfully remembered. It is because of them - FRIENDS!

Temporary Assignment

That's life!

Temporary. Borrowed. Transient.

We are living on borrowed time. It is foolish to think that everything is under our control because it is not.

I may want to believe that the Lord will grant me a long life but how can I exactly tell that I will live that long to see my child grow old? How can I exactly tell that I will grow old with my husband or he will grow old with me? There is no way.

When the Lord calls me or my loved ones home, who am I to say no? Who am I to stop it from happening?

Fear.

So much fear in my heart.

Dreams Recounted

My head was so heavy today. I was not able to sleep the whole day which I attributed to the caffeine overload I had the previous night. The culprit was the new vendo machine plus the whole time that we did nothing but chat and laugh. Our email system was down so we resorted to constant coffee breaks.

It was suppose to be Sunday, my day of rest because someone can take my place in watching over my babe. However, today was just not the same. When I forcefully woke up after being an unrestful sleep, a morbid thought flashed. Our team will be mourning for someone who died.

My day went on until I arrive in the office only to be greeted with a very shocking news. One of our team members died in a vehicular accident Sunday dawn. I quiver to the bones as a recalled the thought that occured to me earlier. How can that be?

I then recounted a dream I had on Friday morning (of course I sleep during daytime). I was in a small room (probably a rest room) made of wood along the side of a hill when suddenly thousands of bats came flying toward the area. As I was trying to hold on to the door of the room, I saw a big tornado coming. What was worst with the tornado was that it looked like an alien. I then sought refuge on the rocks along the hillside. I was almost hit by the passing tornado.

When I looked on the right side of the hill, I saw a truck or somehow a vehicle that looks like one and a car following it when suddenly the truck was somehow backing out overrunning the car. I wanted to scream at the sight but I saw that the car was now on top of a parked car slowly slipping down the snowy area. A sight difficult to describe that if I only know how to draw, I can vividly sketch it. The driver was a lady.

The next scene I was standing beside a male friend as we were talking what he did when the tornado passed by. End of the dream.

What scared me as I recounted the dream was the interruption I got from one of my teammates. I was told that Daniel's car indeed hit a car that was backing out. End of story.

This has not happened the first time. This is the reason why it scares me to the bone if I have dreams like that. The 911 tragedy, the Edsa bus bombing and a whole lot more.

Dreams. Warnings. Emotions.

Huh!