Aimless Wanderings

I am not ashamed to admit that I spent many years of my life in an endless aimless wanderings and yes, to this moment I am still on board that ship that carries me to nowhere.

Let me show you how directionless my life is. Take note, I am only talking about its career aspect.

During my grade and high school  years, I always answered "to be an engineer" every time I was asked what I wanted to become. After high school graduation, I couldn't decide anymore what to take up in college. Upon my mom's persuasion, I took up teaching. I majored in a subject I was better at, English. While on my second year, I wanted to shift majors. I preferred to have majored in Science but since I don't want to be left behind by my friends, I decided to stick to the original plan. It turned out I didn't want to teach English and I didn't want to teach at all. I ended up a banker. I thought I'd be a banker forever.

Instead after five years in the bank, I resigned and ventured into a business which turned out to be the worst decision I've ever made. When I went back into the workforce, any position except banking was all I wanted. I got into a secretarial work then eventually into human resources. Another uneventful employment. We moved to Manila, got into a human resources job again. I loved it. I wanted to stay with that kind of job but the job didn't like me. When my employment contract ended, I got into a call center. When you're in a big city like Manila where competition is very tough, anything that pays well, regardless of position is all worth it. I never got a chance to be promoted although it wasn't unlikely because after two years, I decided to leave the workforce to pursue what I dreamed of becoming... a housewife and stay-at-home-mom.

To be honest with you this is the best position I have ever held. I would not want to relinquish my throne. I am enjoying the freedom it gives me. I can work at home if I choose to. I did for over a year. I baked for profit, it was so much fun. However, since we have to move to Singapore and eventually to Dipolog, I left the industry.

Now, faced with a little uncertainty, I wanted to earn back an income I've lost. I am back to my aimless wanderings but this time with only a few choices, employment not one of them. I will be working from home but I am torn between taking a guaranteed paid job or do what I wish to do with no guarantee of payment.

I am back on the boat again and starting on a journey to nowhere while savoring every moment of the now here. I don't regret not having used my degree to serve its purpose. Much of my friends would say it's "sayang" (a waste) that I graduated with honors and haven't benefited from it. No regrets. I don't envy colleagues who now hold higher positions in the industry. Despite the lack of career stature, I love where I am at the moment. I am not rich, I don't have material possessions but I have freedom and I am happy. A little confused but definitely HAPPY.

Drowning

The past days I had scary dreams seeing my little boy in the water in what seemed like a drowning scene but is actually not. It's either he comes out of the water just fine or he just manages to swim. I don't feel good with dreams like this and try to be cautious and watchful with his health as in the past similar dreams were consequently followed by sickness and my fears were given justice, he got cough and colds today.

Weeks before I gave birth to Joseph, I had several dreams about drowning. Jehu drowning, Joshua drowning. Pretty scary. Joseph struggled for his life when he came out of this world.

Just before he was a year old, I got the same bouts of dreams. Weeks later, he got very ill with asthma. This is why drowning dreams scares me a lot. However, it gives me a heads up.

Ego

.... is hurt, that it did not get what it wants
.... but presence overcomes it and ego did not survive what it perceived as an attack
.... ego wants to fight back but with awareness it's defeated, for now
.... and so the process continues until what's left is being

my weird dreams are coming back, it's been a long time since i haven't had one and when i woke up this morning i was damned too tired, body aching so badly, got so stressed out from days of unending time on the road. anyhow, i got the much deserved massage today and felt relieved

Flying Session

Sleeping from 6-10AM isn't oversleeping, I'd like to justify. I was just trying to catch up some sleep while the kids were expected to wake up late and I wasn't regretful at all. Nope, especially when during those three hours all I did was flyyyyyy! It's been ages since I last dreamed of flying and boy, I was so happy hahaha. I felt like a kid again.

A FAT KID!

A Visit from Grandpa

We were sitting in a place that looked like a park. There was Lola Luz and some other family members when suddenly Daddy Toting seated on the other edge of the bench I was sitting on. He put up his feet on the bench and smiled. I told him it's been quite a while since he came to show up. I asked anyone around if they saw him. Nobody except Jon, my nephew, saw Lolo Toting and Jon was quite scared to even look at him.

He looked the same since the last time I saw him alive, more than 10 years ago. He hasn't showed up in my dreams as he used to for the longest time now, probably more than 3 years already. In my dreams he was asking Arnold, my brother in law, the status of their PR (Permanent Residence) application. Then Jehu woke me up. "Hay distorbo mo, di pa kami tapos mag-usap ng lolo ko".

Lolo Toting came to me last night to remind me of two things:

September 16 - our schedule for submission of PR application
September 17 - his death anniversary

Crazy? Of course not, I was very used to having departed loved ones visit me in my dreams to remind me of their birthdays and death anniversaries.

Chippendales Dance

Sorry, I just can't help it, I'm having so much fun with this...

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

JOWLS: Starring Jehu, Josh & Joseph

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

What's Your Discipline Gadget?

Am I a bad momma if I induce corporal punishment on my kids at times? Would you do it to your kids and do you believe that corporal punishment is sometimes necessary to instill discipline in your children?

My hubby and I are guilty as charge as being lenient parents probably giving our kids too much freedom of expression at home. I consider them lucky. I grew up with a firewood or belt on my butt and mongo seeds or salt on my knees all the time. I shudder at the thought but I never hated my mom for doing such. However, I never want my kids to experience the same.

But I do I have this at home.

Small canes like this are sold
in stores here in Singapore

 
We bought it for the sake of fun but had never used it on my boys. I never needed it.

This is enough.

And I could use this if I want to, but I don't.

Yes, I do give my two boys a whip when needed but this is the form of discipline that is sparingly used at home. It is extreme measure for us and a whip or two is already enough. I am proud to say that my kids are not rowdy. They are just kids. Makulit, malikot minsan, maingay, makalat but that's what kids are.

Cane Stroke: Would you want it in the Philippines?

For quite sometime now I have been intrigued how the caning punishment in countries like Malaysia and Singapore feels like and thought it's funny as a form of punishment. However, a news struck me again today about a Malaysian model who will be sentenced to 6 strokes of caning for drinking beer. I saw the video below months back while searching about this punishment but never thought that judicial caning is worst than I imagined.



Until today I finally did some digging in the net to find out just how painful is a cane stroke and why it looks like it's being dreaded as a form of punishment. The fact that it is the second highest form of punishment next to death sentence in Malaysia shows just how horrible it could be.

Caning officials wear protective smocks, gloves, and goggles in order to avoid contact with blood and flesh.

Ouch, ouch, ouch! Then I thought.... could this be effective if implemented in the Philippines against law offenders? No, not for the hardcore criminals like rapists and murderers.. come on, it would not have effect on them, don't you think? I think mas bagay eto sa mga snatchers, holdapers at mga magnanakaw na kapitbahay.They're the type of offenders who are most of the times just released back to the streets after a very short period only to commit the same crime and caught over and over again. Now think.... if they will be caned before they are released to the society again most likely they'd dread the pains of being caught. Hindi man sila mabugbog ng taong bayan, wasak naman pwet nila sa 'kin pwede na yon.

So what dya think?

I Attended Neale Donald Walsch's Talk

As soon as I heard the voice I recognized it and run outside to join the crowd listening to him. I haven't heard Neale Donald Walsch's speech but last night it was as if I have heard his voice all my life that I didn't have a hard time recognizing it was him speaking. I didn't understand what he was speaking about. I couldn't remember a thing. All I could remember was I went there to get his autograph. Yaiks! Of all the things to do!


But it's amazing, I met Manols there, the man responsible for introducing Walsch writings to me. And boy, I knew I wasn't just in my dreams. I was there somewhere in the past or the future. I don't need to convince you. I don't even need to convince myself.

Will Read 'The Power of Now' Tomorrow

Title -> pun intended

I've finally gotten hold of the book after months of waiting. No, not waiting for copies to be available. Waiting for myself to finally pick up the book and pay it. I've picked it up many times but wouldn't want to buy it because I know in the Philippines this cost cheaper. Hay, umiiral ang ka cory.
I picked it up once in Kinokuniya but did not pay it because it costs over 20 bucks. I thought I would just buy it at San Bookstore in LotOne, a mall in Choa Chu Kang because I saw it costs only $11.00+. That's half the price. So one day, not so long ago (about a three weeks), I finally decided to buy it, picked it up, handed the cashier $12.00 only to be told it costs $23.50. The $11.50 on the pricetag is the rebate if I opt to return the book after one month. Rent, in short. Oh gosh, I thought that was it. I only got $15 bucks in my wallet so there was no way I could buy it.

Just the other day, I finally bought it. Bought. I don't have intentions of returning it. I am keeping it. I don't need reviews or endorsements for me to be convinced about the authenticity of the book nor the author. I have gone through Books 1-3 of Conversations with God so absorbing and remembering my truths with this book would be a breeze.

I am not making a book review here. I am not good at it. I will just say that it is worth reading if you have an open mind. Read for yourself and find out your truth.

For now, I am still at the first chapters. Great, I am reading The Power of Now tomorrow. I still have other things to finish for now.

My 18-55mm is Back, thanks David (Fatigue)

Just after a day after sending it to David, (Fatigue, the repairman) he texted me saying that the lens was fixed even though he mentioned repair would take a week. Great job David, highly recommended for those in Singapore who needs repair for their lenses. Much more the charge was very minimal.

Thanks again, David!

PS: If you need David's number, leave me a comment.

Retire Nikkor 15-55mm

August 02, 2009 - An unfateful Sunday afternoon at Choa Chu Kang Park. I just turned my back for a few seconds to kill the mosquito on my son's forehead and a toddler toppled the tripod I had mounted which sent my Nikon down with a bang. Who can afford to get mad at a kid just as old as my little lovely boy? All I could say was "oh, okay, no problem". The truth is.. big problem.

My 15-55mm lens jammed because of the fall and now I am left with 50-200mm. Imagine how difficult it is to take a close up shot of kids at play with a long lens. And imagine taking macro with it.

I have to take it to the repairman tomorrow who happens to be a Filipino also. I am pretty positive he can still fix it. Better than buying a new lens for over 200bucks.

This is all I could live with for now until I can get my hand on a Tamron 18-270mm, whotwhoo!

I've Conquered Video Games

A major breakthrough I have done very lately is conquering the world of video games.

Six years ago, Joshua at the age of 3 was first exposed to the world of video games when one night his dad installed Warcraft in our computer (without my permission!). At four he was already playing R-18 video games in the computer. Call of Duty, Medal of Honor, name it, he's probably played it. Although, he also had educational games like Jumpstart, his preference was on the excitement provided by the violent games.

And maybe you would ask why I allowed it? Because I played them too. Dad oftentimes played with Josh and it seemed like everyone's enjoying, so who would resist. It didn't bother me then as Josh was doing well in school, really doing well to make it to the honors list.

But things started to change when his dad was assigned an overseas work and has gotten the money and opportunity to buy our first game console - The XBOX 360. Don't get it wrong, I objected to the idea of buying any game console but heck, what can I do when he just came home with the console already in his luggage.

However, it didn't end there. Next came PS2, soon there's Sony PSP and Nintendo DS Lite.

As most video games does, Josh got hooked with video games buying cd's after cd's. Back in the Philippines it is very easy to get addicted to video games as there are thousands of PIRATED games sold anywhere at just 5-10% the price of original video games, how convenient! Imagine buying a pirated version of Gears of War for just P150.00 (US$3.00) than buying the original CD for almost a hundred bucks and still get the same fun.

Looking back, I regretted every moment that I wasn't able to take control of my son's playing habit. A busy schedule sometimes necessitates parents to let their kids play video games to keep them busy too and avoid interfering with the parents busy schedule. In short, letting the video games or tv do the baby sitting. How bad of me! This has taken a toll on Joshua's studies. He was playing more than he was studying and his attention span affected.

But one day, the breakthrough happened. Our moved to Singapore provided me the big opportunity to finally put almost everything behind, literally. The Xbox which was due for repair was left in Manila while the PS2 went to the custody of my nephew.



Yes, I am proud to say that Jehu and my son Josh has finally accepted the reality (with a heavy heart) that there will be NO MORE game console in our living room and yesterday while we were at the mall, they tried to sweet talk me to allow them to have even just a Wii. NO, NO, NO! My answer is final and I'm not going to give in.

Since we had given up those addictions, Josh is into drawing again. Now, he's into animation. I wouldn't mind. Just no violent and addicting games.

I'm Starting a Clutter Free Life

If you have known me well enough from childhood, you will know that once in my life, I had lived in a trash can. From time to time, I still do. Like Oscar the Grouch, there are some trash in life that I just can't live without. However, that has started to change in the past four years or so. I had started a to live a clutter free life - at least physically.

I grew up secretly envious of some friends' houses which are small yet so clean and tidy. Perhaps my parents don't even know about this. We had a big house back in the province but there was something in it that I just didn't understand. We couldn't keep it organize and clean all the time. One factor was the location of our house. It was right along the highway and our roads were not even asphalted until about 15 years after? It was very dusty all the time. But it wasn't what makes it chaotic to my eyes. It's the clutter.

Anyway, I grew up, eventually lived in the city, got married and had a kid. The nightmare seems to have followed me even to my adulthood although things have dramatically improved. We no longer live along a dusty highway and our house is already clean. Yes clean.. but not clutter free.

Perhaps you are trying to figure out just how cluttered it is. I am not talking about crampled papers or dirty laundry scattered all throughout the house. I am referring to the things in our home that we don't actually need: broken toys, outgrown clothing, plastic spoons collected from Jollibee and Mcdonalds, paper napkins from the coffee shop, scratched CD, name it! I even had folded Chippy and Mr. Chips plastics in my drawer!

See, these are the clutters I am referring to. I had a hard time outgrowing them.

Mysteriously (I'd say mysteriously because I can't recall how the change started), things had changed dramatically. Oh, I recall, it started when some emotional baggage were put down and blessings started to came in and we could afford to buy the things that we really needed (and wanted). I started to unpack the house and gave out all the still useful stuff to our yayas and neighbors. I started to simplify things. I loved it and keep it that way every now and then.

I realized that the reason of all the clutter in our house (including our old, old house) is 'LETTING GO'. I simply couldn't let go of most things in life. I held on to my old clothes in the hope that it will still fit me after a few months but ended up giving them away after two years. I held on to that broken phone in the hope that I could still have it fixed. I hold on to the old magazines thinking I will still need them in the future for reference or for my son's school project. I hold on to small gadget boxes expecting to use it as a box for Christmas gifts. Oh, dear!

After such realization, I make it a point to clear out our home from stuff we don't need and either give them out or auction them at super low, low prices. I once donated a bagful to Gawad Kalinga, thanks to Len! I gave out used school bags and school shoes to my son's friends who can hardly afford it. Those that are useless, I threw them away and give the benefit to our "basureros". They resell boxes, busted appliances and plastics to the junkshop.

Goody, it made my life better. It made cleaning easier. It brings in more blessings, I swear!

Then, just when I thought I have more or less a near clutter free life (although I still slip at times), I just got across this awesome ZENHABITS website (just an hour ago) and the first thing that struck me is the article about EMAIL ZEN: Clear up your Inbox.

Whew! I got so ashamed of myself. I thought I have done so much. Go read the article and clean up your Inbox. I just did! I deleted every folder I have without even taking a peek at what's inside. I deleted everything in my Inbox without second thoughts and promised myself I will never regret it. The next thing I'll do is delete all my other email addresses. It wasn't mentioned in that article but I'm going to do it next. See, I wouldn't want to delete them because I can't let go of them.

It is just one article I have read and it had slapped me in right on my face. I am expecting more slappings as I will start to dig in what's more to do to make my life clutter free.

Would you come and join me?

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome

Aside from my sleep debt problem, another major medical issue I have had longer than I could remember is my CTS or Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.

CTS is condition wherein the median nerve which runs from the forearm to the hand is compressed at the wrist. The carpal tunnel is the passageway where this median nerve runs through. An irritation of the ligaments, tendons or bones at the carpal tunnel squeezes the median nerve which causes numbness, tingling sensation and in extreme cases, pain.

In 2001, five years after working in a bank and just barely two years after I gave birth to Joshua, now 10, I started to feel what I would describe in the Filipino lingo, "PASMO or PASMA". My fingers started to get numb and got worsed overtime. The numbness would extend to the forearm and my upper back. One night I woke up and couldn't feel anything on my right hand. I couldn't lift it and I thought I got paralyzed. I shouted to my sister for help and had cried hard because aside from the pain I felt, I had no idea what was happening then.

I consulted a doctor who diagnosed me of Carpal Tunnel Syndrome. I had undergone an electrodiagnostic test also which showed the CTS more prominent on the right hand but also present on the left.

I couldn't remember the number of times my mom scolded and blamed me for this condition. She said it was because I never listened to her when she warned me during my youth, not to overwork my hand.

"Pasma", a distinct Filipino illness marked by numbness, pain and tremors of the hands is so similar to CTS that I think people who have "pasma" may have CTS in reality and just don't realize it.

Treatments suggested for CTS include physical therapy and neuro-surgery, both I don't want to undertake because of the cost. In the surgery procedure, the transverse carpal ligament as shown in the picture below is cut to widen the passage and release the tension.

Recently, after moving to Singapore, my CTS had worsened. I inquired about the cost of surgery to check if there is a way I can afford it. One clinic responded that a micro-surgery which is more effective costs $4,500.00 or P145,000.00. My gosh, I could get about 500 hand massage and paraffin treatment with that amount. Worst, many articles over the net doesn't suggest surgery because there is no guarantee that CTS will not recur.

For now, my only option is to keep my hands rested (not possible, I know) and get regular hand massage (not very possible also).

Wait a minute, I gotta shake my hands, I have been on the computer for over three hours already.

Slept Debt Accumulating Fast!

Conservatively, since 2004 to date, I have accumulated no less than 3,600 hours of sleep debt already. And that's just computed based on 2 hours lack of sleep each night. A very conservative computation indeed as most nights I would sleep only for 4-6 hours.

This started when I worked in a call center on graveyard shift straight for the two years. Since then, my body clock seems to have been altered extensively that even if I got nothing to do anymore, my mind would keep me awake.

Surveys show that sleep deprivation has become increasingly common and affecting millions of people especially those from the more developed countries. Sleep debt is the difference in the number of hours one should be sleeping versus the number of hours one actually slept and the more you accumulate sleep debt, medical research said, the more you are prone to chronic diseases such as hypertension, heart disease, arthritis, or obesity.

Ouch, did I just say obesity? Yes, obesity is one of the long term effects of chronic deprivation. Ouch again, I am afraid I am a likely candidate. I haven’t been able to keep my weight down after I gave birth to my first child. Although, I never really exceed the pass mark of obesity, I am already overweight. Well, at least not yet obese. Just overweight, I repeat.

Just like any other debt, sleep debt can be paid. Taking a marathon sleep on weekends isn’t a better way to do it. Sleep doctors suggest that it is best repaid by taking in an extra hour or two each night. Go to bed when you are sleepy and tired and just allow your body to wake you up in the morning.

This may sound a little impossible for me to do. Whether I like it or not, I have to get up at 5AM to prepare breakfast for our bread winner. The only way for me to catch up some sleep is in the afternoon when I put my little boy to sleep. With an hour or two in the afternoon, I am not even sure if I can repay all that I owed my body for the past 5 years.

But still I won’t promise to go to bed early at night and sleep for eight hours. I don’t know, I just feel that sleep is a waste of time. Stubborn me!

Unionbank of the Philippines Scam

I got an email today supposedly from UnionBank customer service warning me of a recent activity in my account and prompting me to update my account. The email look very legitimate with a "from" address as customer.service@unionbankph.com.

Click on the picture to enlarge

However, if you hover at the "Click to update" link, you will get a different URL which points to angpinoy.org. Angpinoy.org is a Davao-based site of Filipino Catholic professionals. A legitimate site.

If you eventually click on the "Click here for Update button", it will lead you to a site which may appear to be a very legitimate Unionbank site. However, the URL tells us that it isn't.

click here to see the legitimate URL of the Eon login and see the difference.
The IP address of the scam UPB site traces to Indonesia.Whew, I wonder how much could they scam from doing these things? Good business for them.

Be vigilant! If you are not a Unionbank account holder, do not click on the link, what's the point anyway. If you are a cardholder, always check the URL (web address) of the link you are clicking on to check if it is a legitimate one. Better yet, if you really think your account has been compromised, go directly to the web page of your bank then sign in from there.

Don't worry, simply opening the email doesn't put your account at risk. Clicking the link and much more signing in to the scam page is.

UPDATE: The site has been closed for
web forgery already!

What My Kids Will Never Experience

Click on the picture to get a larger view.

Pardon my sketch, I'm not really an artist. I am just trying to draw the best I can what I and my friends and my aunts and my neighbors experienced during our childhood days that my kids will never experience anymore.

I've probably wrecked a couple of short pants doing this. I will soon post another version of this.. the group version.. or would somebody want to help me with my drawing, please?